johnjonesjohnson Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 I think my "fiancee" has a personality disorder. I'm 32 and she's 30. And honestly things are not going well at all. I can't do this anymore. I've been the target of emotional abuse. We've been together for 10 years. We are/were engaged but still not married. We have two kids (2-4). I have a good job and she works part time. She is not a social kind of person. She has no friends and no social life. I have friends (well, had. Lost most of them due to her). She won't let me go out to see my friends or have any activity outside being at home. For example, I had my office christmas party last day. She knew for weeks. Invited her: she did not want to go at all. I went anyway (she hanged the phone on me when I tried to call her) and gave me the silent treatment when I came back home. Normally I would be back home at 6 PM but I told her I'd be back before 11 PM. When I'm at home and I want to work on my projects in my office or in the garage, she gets mad because I don't stay in the living room with her. On the other side, if I stay with her in the same room, she doesn't let me sit near her. What else can I say... - I get the silent treatment quite often for stupid things. She behaves like a 4 year old kid. "shut up, I don't want to talk to you" - She is unable to have serious conversations. She's too immature. - Never talks about her feelings - Everything I do is wrong. "I told you. You did not listen to me. You never listen to me" - Everything is so complicated. She is always in conflictual situations. She gets in arguments with almost everything and everyone. Looks like she enjoys conflicts. - She yells and scream at the kids everyday and can't tolerate them. She is also much stricter than me! She argues with the kids a lot. - Blame everything on me - We never cuddle. - She doesn't want me to go out. - She recently started saying "you don't love me anymore". - She doesn't seem to care about my feelings. But she always say "you never think about me. you only think about yourself" - She's unable to make compromises. It always have to be her way or nothing. - She never asks about my job, my hobbies, my life, my feelings. She simply don't care. - When I try to surprise her and plan something for us, she gets mad and tell me to not waste my money - She doesn't get me christmas and birthday gifts - not that I really care, but it's worth mentioning - We don't kiss anymore. - She say she hate my beard. "If you shave it I will kiss you more often". I shave it, I get nothing. - Sex? Once every 2-3 months. Why? "It sucks. You ejaculate too fast. its useless, better have nothing than this" - She wants me to have a vasectomy in a few weeks. - She never apologize even if she's wrong. - I honestly cannot remember the last time she told me that she loved me. - House is a serious mess. If I clean up, the next day it will be a damn mess again Before, I would feel sad and depressed. Now, I feel like I don't f*cking care. She made me hate her. I feel envious of every other guy I know who seem to have a normal life with a normal woman. As soon as I left my office christmas party, I started crying in the car. I am jealous. Sometimes, I wish I was alone with my family and my kids. Sometimes, I wish I had that kind of complicity, intimacy and love with someone.
hippychick3 Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 Don't get a vasectomy. You never know if you'll want more kids in the future when you meet someone better long after this current toxic relationship ends. You don't have to live this way. Either go to intensive counseling (not very likely to work...) or find a lawyer to guide you in the process of getting joint custody of your children.
Lady2163 Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 You could be my ex husband....twenty years ago. Problems in the bedroom turned me into a total shrew. He told me he didn't like my taste, he refused to wear gloves at work or use lotion on his dry hands with small cuts (which rough hands don't feel good and cause infections in the kitty area) AND he was a two stroke. So, no orgasm for me for probably years. Needless to say, I wasn't the least bit interested in sex and any attempt at cuddling, he would try to turn into sex. I remember one time I agreed to sex if he woild give me a 15 minute back rub. He lasted five whole minutes....and still wanted sex. There's lots of absolutes in your posts. You say never a lot. If you want to raise your kids together, you both need counseling. If you want to fix the sex problems, see a doctor first, rule out anything medical, then you may need to sex a sex therapist. Once we divorced and I had some orgasms, my whole personality changed.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 Before, I would feel sad and depressed. Now, I feel like I don't f*cking care. She made me hate her. I feel envious of every other guy I know who seem to have a normal life with a normal woman. As soon as I left my office christmas party, I started crying in the car. I am jealous. Sometimes, I wish I was alone with my family and my kids. Sometimes, I wish I had that kind of complicity, intimacy and love with someone. And yet you've brought a couple of kids into this dysfunctional situation, including one born just two years ago. This isn't just about you and your needs anymore. You'll need to work things out, sounds like counseling would benefit both of you. Your kids need a healthy environment, not the drama and tension you describe. Time to man up and lead the way... Mr. Lucky
BettyDraper Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 You could be my ex husband....twenty years ago. Problems in the bedroom turned me into a total shrew. He told me he didn't like my taste, he refused to wear gloves at work or use lotion on his dry hands with small cuts (which rough hands don't feel good and cause infections in the kitty area) AND he was a two stroke. So, no orgasm for me for probably years. Needless to say, I wasn't the least bit interested in sex and any attempt at cuddling, he would try to turn into sex. I remember one time I agreed to sex if he woild give me a 15 minute back rub. He lasted five whole minutes....and still wanted sex. There's lots of absolutes in your posts. You say never a lot. If you want to raise your kids together, you both need counseling. If you want to fix the sex problems, see a doctor first, rule out anything medical, then you may need to sex a sex therapist. Once we divorced and I had some orgasms, my whole personality changed. The OP's fiance sounds far too unhinged to be completely changed by orgasms. Their issues go far deeper than sexual incompatibilities. OP, you don't have to stay in this intolerable situation. Your fiance is being abusive and controlling. I don't blame you for thinking that she has a personality disorder; I'm thinking it might be BPD but I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone. Instead of crying in your car, it would be best to stand up for yourself. Tell your girlfriend that she needs to see a mental health professional or else you are ending the relationship. There's no reason to allow her to control your life.
LargoLagg Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 She argues with kids that are 2 and 4? That did it for me! On top of that is everything else she does. Your kids, unless they are truly extraordinary, will end up every bit as f*cked up as she is unless you do something. Buy the best lawyer money can buy. Talk about your situation to the rest of the best lawyers in town. Pay them $100 bucks each for their time, and become their client. Get out. Get out now.
BaileyB Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 And yet, you stayed with her for 10 years and had 2 kids. It sounds like a very unhappy, unhealthy relationship.
Lady2163 Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 The OP's fiance sounds far too unhinged to be completely changed by orgasms. Their issues go far deeper than sexual incompatibilities. OP, you don't have to stay in this intolerable situation. Your fiance is being abusive and controlling. I don't blame you for thinking that she has a personality disorder; I'm thinking it might be BPD but I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone. Instead of crying in your car, it would be best to stand up for yourself. Tell your girlfriend that she needs to see a mental health professional or else you are ending the relationship. There's no reason to allow her to control your life. Nah, a good orgasm won't cure everything. Probably the most important thing I said was "problems in the bedroom lead to problems elsewhere." After my divorce good orgasms definitely helped, but it took years for me to trust again ( no affair, just he was detrimentally unreliable and selfish). They have a tough road if they stay together.
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