winny Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 So.... Setting up a date for a Saturday night because he had plans on a Friday is treating her badly? The guy made the effort but the OP threw a tantrum (yes, A TANTRUM) and drove him off. She had no reason nor right to fire off a nasty text. In fact, she wouldn't have a right to send him a polite text in regarding her "frustration" in this situation as he didn't do anything wrong. She sent an angry text... Yes she should have kept her cool. But she was at a vulnerable point after having sex with him. I know how she feels coz I have been there. And I didnt send an angry text but I did feel confused n frustrated. The guy was giving her some mixed signals and she overreacted. I dont think he was that into her to begin with. So nothing lost.
winny Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 That was your basic mistake right there and then you compounded it by sleeping with a guy who was only lukewarm at best about you. Don't do that again Exactly.., that 5 day silence period is when this started...
winny Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 So.... Setting up a date for a Saturday night because he had plans on a Friday is treating her badly? The guy made the effort but the OP threw a tantrum (yes, A TANTRUM) and drove him off. She had no reason nor right to fire off a nasty text. In fact, she wouldn't have a right to send him a polite text in regarding her "frustration" in this situation as he didn't do anything wrong. Btw I was talking more in general sense about people telling that its a mistake to give up the goodies by third date and that somehow entitles a guy to dump u or treat u bad.
stillafool Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 He met someone he had more of an interest in.....that would explain why you weren't invited to the party. Your friend didn't want any drama at his party because the dude was bringing a date. After sleeping with you is probably when he met the other girl, and like most cowards, didn't have the ballz to break it off properly. He isn't an idiot, he knew you had expectations, he just chose not to be a man about it. As for communicating, cut out the angry texts. Just be straight forward and ask if he was still interested in seeing you, and if not you are ok with that, just let you know...no drama. If you let them know you are not going to cause trouble, that usually opens the door to honesty. Bingo!!!! This is what I'm thinking. He was taking another girl to the party and the friend didn't want drama at his party so he didn't invite you.
stillafool Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 I But the text wasn't that nasty, and he even acknowledged it as "I understand" which means he knew where I was coming from. If he was really interested he would get over it by now and give it another chance. It's clear that he was waiting for a chance to bail out and I gave it to him (way too easily). . When he said "I understand, etc." he was looking for an out and you gave it to him. You are right to bail because he wasn't interested anymore.
winny Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 When he said "I understand, etc." he was looking for an out and you gave it to him. You are right to bail because he wasn't interested anymore. A good guy would have said --- hey cool down, we didnt invite u because of so n so reason... Sorry it came across to you in a wrong way... Am still open to see u tomoro... What do u think? That's exactly what my friends have told me when i felt hurt n confused abput not being invited. They were sorry for not being clear. They cared about my feelings and these kind of incidents made me to trust them more.
Survivor12 Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 In the future, it would be a good idea to wait to have sex until you (both) have established that you are in a monogamous relationship & not just "casually dating". Until you have a mutual agreement, you are casually dating, no matter the number or frequency of dates you have.
Survivor12 Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 A good guy would have said --- hey cool down, we didnt invite u because of so n so reason... Sorry it came across to you in a wrong way... Am still open to see u tomoro... What do u think? That's exactly what my friends have told me when i felt hurt n confused abput not being invited. They were sorry for not being clear. They cared about my feelings and these kind of incidents made me to trust them more. But you are talking about how your "friends" would respond. This guy is not the OP's friend. 2
preraph Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 You know, not all "parties" are "invite everyone" affairs. Some of them are dinner parties with a chair at the table for only 12 people, some are small cocktail parties where you maybe don't invite one person who doesn't seem to get along with or is the ex of another person, that sort of thing. yes, it's also possible he wanted to go to the party alone because there was someone there he was interested in or because he was asked to bring a specific person. Seems to me it originated with the party thrower. But he didn't care enough to resolve it, so that's that. Save your dignity and just walk away.
kidm Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Btw I was talking more in general sense about people telling that its a mistake to give up the goodies by third date and that somehow entitles a guy to dump u or treat u bad. I don't think anyone said that. The point is if you don't know a guy's true motives and are looking for a committed relationship, hold off on the sex. Everyone is of course free to do wth their body as they please but if you are not comfortable with NSA sex, then don't have sex with a guy you barely know especially one who seems barely interested in you. In the "getting to know each other" phase when both parties decide to have sex, either party can walk away after that. Is that a decent thing to do without letting the other person know you're not interested? It depends on whom you ask. I wouldn't do it but some guys (and some girls) do it and don't feel like they owe any explanations. This is not to say waiting awhile will not have the same outcome but it's less likely. 1
winny Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 In the future, it would be a good idea to wait to have sex until you (both) have established that you are in a monogamous relationship & not just "casually dating". Until you have a mutual agreement, you are casually dating, no matter the number or frequency of dates you have. Yeah. That will remove lottt of douche bags. Still some may lie their way into your pants n many will ghost u... When u dont give up the goodies... Its also equally hurtful n frustrating... you have to put up with this till u meet the one.
OatsAndHall Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 A good guy would have said --- hey cool down, we didnt invite u because of so n so reason... Sorry it came across to you in a wrong way... Am still open to see u tomoro... What do u think? That's exactly what my friends have told me when i felt hurt n confused abput not being invited. They were sorry for not being clear. They cared about my feelings and these kind of incidents made me to trust them more. If the roles were reversed here and a male did this, he would be being blasted all over this board for being "possessive and controlling". This guy had every right to respond the way he did. He didn't have to explain himself to anyone in this situation: it wasn't his party to invite her to. And, he sure as hell didn't have to keep dating her after getting an angry text. But, if you folks feel like people should just "get over it" when you're angry and irrational, go for it. No self-respecting person will put up with it. 1
stillafool Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Btw I was talking more in general sense about people telling that its a mistake to give up the goodies by third date and that somehow entitles a guy to dump u or treat u bad. Nothing entitles a person to treat you badly. If you want to give up the goodies on the first date that is up to you but make sure you are giving it up because that's what you want. Don't give it up expecting the guy to want a relationship with you unless he has said so prior to sex. Have sex because YOU want sex.
Author alicyn Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 Nothing entitles a person to treat you badly. If you want to give up the goodies on the first date that is up to you but make sure you are giving it up because that's what you want. Don't give it up expecting the guy to want a relationship with you unless he has said so prior to sex. Have sex because YOU want sex. This isn't really about the sex.... I realize that I was being a bit obsessive and I totally admit that. But I'm still wondering if there is any chance of ever connecting again - I guess even as friends. Contacting him again would probably just make the situation worse and I might get no response.... Should I risk it and try to 'bury the hatchet' ? Is the ball in his court or mine? Worst case he doesn't answer but what if he does? When we went out we got along really well and there was no drama. All the drama was literally after that 1 text message that I sent. Seems so silly to let that be the end all of whatever we had together.
winny Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 You can wait few days n then text him. "Hey sorry I kind of am not feeling very good about the way we communicated last time mostly because of the words I used... So not me. Anyways hoping we can put that behind us without any hard feelings. Take care." 1
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