anina27 Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 Emotional rollercoaster relationship that lasted for 2 years ended three days ago. When I met my ex I was aware that he liked to drink but after moving in together found out that he was taking anxiety meds and labels himself as a functioning alcoholic. He claims that althou he is aware of his problem he is not ready to quit. I choose to try and make things work but that is harder than I thought it my be. From the beginning I saw red flags going off everywhere however, I choose to ignore them. I fell in love with what may become and thought that eventually he may change his perspective on this relationship if we can grow into it together. Everyone in my life thought I was crazy for even considering being in a relationship with this guy and now from where I stand today its amazing that it lasted as long as it did. The problem is that after all that has happened I am starting to question my own sanity and if I am the problem. I realize that I have co-dependency issues which is not uncommon when in a relationship with a addict. I will give some examples of actions and reactions and hope that I will receive some honest feed back. I don't need criticism please, I have had enough of that for 2 years to last me a life time. - I have busted him on POF and craigslist personal encounters looking at profiles ( claims never to have met anyone of those sites). He has told me that he was not over his ex at the the beginning of our relationship. He pointed out that he found other women attractive and he would definitely date them if he was single ( this was the statement that made me move out yet I continued to date him). States that he knows that he always looks at other people for his self-worth and to validate him. The last one, after getting a substancial raise at work, points out that he needs to be with someone who is more equal to his income so he can start saving for his retirement. I was so hurt that this person is so shallow and when he was not making money I did not tell him that I need someone with a fatter bank account. He breaks up with me every time we have an argument only to return the next day or 2 days later. - I have lost it on him so many times, I am emotionally unstable at this point. Very reactive and defensive. I feel like all the life has been sucked out of me and I just want to forget I ever knew this person. I walked away feeling that I have to for my own sanity. But know I have to deal with all the damage in my head. I don't know if I need a psychiatrist for my reactions and lack of emotion control. I see signs of narcissism or borderline with him. By the way he claims that I am amazing but cold, don't smile, how we are a bad couple and now I don't earn enough and mind you all in the same conversation?!!! 1
Satu Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 Welcome to Loveshack. Here's my advice (which you might not like). Spend some time by yourself and concentrate on healing. That means not being in a couple, not dating, no FWB, not hooking up. While you are doing that, get into therapy. I would suggest that you do this for between 6 months and 2 years. In that time, you can unearth and deal with all your vulnerabilities, fears, and tendency to slip into dysfunctional ways of relating to people. You will come of it as a person you like much better than the person you are now. You will also become a person who can have healthy and happy relationships. Take care. 1
Author anina27 Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 I try to recognize my own faults in this situation and your advice is truly appreciate it. And yes I do agree that some therapy will be required in order to move pass this. Thank you for your honesty 2
PrincessWarrior1 Posted December 17, 2016 Posted December 17, 2016 Hey there sweetie, I'm sorry for your pain. He is definitely sick and you are not crazy, it's not a crime to want to love someone and be loved. It's tough when you are attracted to someone and love them regardless of their faults. The only problem with that is we take chances with our heart and the possibility of it getting broken. We also drag ourselves through whatever drama, chaos, and hurts that come along with his or her actions. Some people do change and grow and love takes some time to grow so yes, sometimes it's a wait and see thing. However, your boyfriend not being over his ex and the other stuff.. that must have been tough for you, I'm sorry. The more we give the more men like him will take and then we have nothing left of ourselves and it's just awful. Unfortunately the only answer is to walk away. He doesn't deserve you. They never know what they have until it's gone. Good luck to him finding someone to put up with his crap. Think about that! Start your NC and on with your healing now. It'll probably take a couple of months for you to be completely back to yourself. But each day is closer. After a couple of months (in my situation) it's always always when I'm feeling better. He ended up getting hurt and of course he is broke. We had fun and I do still love him but when he leaves I'm like.. "why is it always out of need?" Anyway.. The only way to keep going forward is to deposit into yourself and your life. What makes you happy and find your zen place. I'm just proud of myself for not reacting. Men are wired differently anyway. Act like you don't care, they come running. Unless they are just straight out users it don't matter. All you can do is recognize it, take the trash out, let the trash take itself out, move on and be happy. Life is too short for all this drama, chaos, and hurt. Love yourself with all your might. It'll come full circle. Why waste anymore of your life. You have to think when you get to that point that if your perfect man is out there, you'll miss it by staying with this clown. 1
Author anina27 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Today was bad.... I broke the rule of no contact. I allowed this psychopath back in my life only to have my feelings hurt once more. I am angry with myself for being so ignorant and just for a bit believing that this person might have empathy and compassion for the woman he claims to love so much. Boy was I wrong! His latest stunt was making his FB profile page public again with pictures of him and his ex plastered allover the place. And yes all while he claims to love me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me... I should know better, this is not new. Why do I keep allowing this person back in my life over and over again.
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