I can't seem to get any luck with women, whether face to face or online

[DumpedGuy9617]

Why don't the ladies in here share some of the messages they respond to? OLD is extremely frustrating as a guy. It's like if you want to meet someone, do your part to reply! I have been told by many girls I am very attractive, and I struggle to get responses at times. It's very annoying. I have a good job, good car, good qualities, and good looks. And I hear about 75% of the messages girls get online are asking for sex, which I have never done.

 

Anyway, most of what people are saying on here are true. You need to send unique messages and be sure to ask a question. Ask a question every time you respond to something they say, until you have their phone number. Minimum 7-10 messages should fly before you ask for it. Often, they will offer it up if they like you. Keep trying man. Dating is competitive and hard, and girls expect a lot these days. You'll find someone; keep your head up.

[Oladeji123]

That happened to me from time to time when I was younger.

 

I'd go to parties sometimes and women would ignore me but talk to my friends. The good news is that when you get older, not too much of that happens anymore.

 

In the meantime, if I could give myself advice, it'd be to always have an out. Like if you go to a party or such, and all the women are ignoring you, then bring your own car or something, so you can jet out of there and go home if it sucks. That's not always practical, but when you can.

 

Also, if it happens all the time, you probably need a new social circle. Bitches tend to stick together. I could go to a party on Friday night and have almost all women there ignore or be curt with me, and then go to another thing on Saturday night, and everybody is friendly.

 

And don't ever take it personally. A lot of people just suck.

 

Well, i have a strange dilemma in terms of my social friends. Back when i was younger, i wasn't a cool kid, however my friends were in the cool kids social circle so i was always with them. But because the girls knew i wasn't cool, they wanted nothing to do with me and thats virtually carried on into adulthood. But its not like i can just change group of friends. I fit in with my friends, when we're not like going out to parties and whatnot and they do try to hook me up but i always play a part in screwing things up.

[normal person]

I fit in with my friends, when we're not like going out to parties and whatnot and they do try to hook me up but i always play a part in screwing things up.

 

Go into more detail about how you always plat a part in screwing things up. You've been very vague up until now. It'd help if people could read more about what's happening.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, i have a strange dilemma in terms of my social friends. Back when i was younger, i wasn't a cool kid, however my friends were in the cool kids social circle so i was always with them. But because the girls knew i wasn't cool, they wanted nothing to do with me and thats virtually carried on into adulthood. But its not like i can just change group of friends. I fit in with my friends, when we're not like going out to parties and whatnot and they do try to hook me up but i always play a part in screwing things up.

 

You can hang on those friends, but when it comes to your primary vehicle for looking for women, make a new group of friends.

 

There's a BIG difference between social circles.

 

Like I said, bitches tend to stick together and nice girls tend to stick together. In general, not as a rule. But when I used to walk into a party, I could always tell which way it skews.

 

For instance, my friend joined a meetup group and he is pretty geeky. All of the women I met from that group are really nice. They are all really friendly and all are interested in talking to you. Which is not to say all of them are interested in going out with you, but your chances are there. If you go to a party, and the women there are not even willing to engage you in a sincere manner, you have zero chance.

[coolheadal]

So im 24 years, I'm not some great looking guy but I'm also def not ugly. I also have a slim, athletic build so i at least look decent. The sort of people that usually tell me that I'm attractive are either women over 40 or young girls, never any girl my age though. Anyway, I've never had a girlfriend and i will admit that at first, it was because i was very quiet and introverted and just would not approach girls. This has meant that I've had so many guy friends and virtually no female friends. My friends were very smooth with girls and would encourage me to be more confident. I took their approach as i got older and started talking to girls. But it never seemed to faze any girl that i approached.I would always get ignored. There have been situations where me and my friends would go out and groups of girls would approach and start talking to my friends and they would completely ignore y presence, as though i wasn't even there. It would usually make my friends feel quite awkward. Ive now decided to try online dating, but i can't even get lucky on there either. I never get any matches on tinder and nobody replies to me on POF. My friends helped me create my profile and they've managed to get girls on there so i don't know what else I'm not doing right.

 

You need help with online dating you contact me. There is only one way approach it by going the direct method. Tinder, POF and Mingle2 these are all the same. I don't think if you looking for some online you should be using those sites. Your age range varies. Based on your own age you can have anyone you want but not over 20 years difference. Plus what you run into a lot of people don't tell you their real age either. Makes matters even worst. What else are they hiding from you? Don't let others tell you the right one will knock on your door? When and how I say. LOL I think I have what I looking for now taken a long time but it was worth the effort. Again everyone going to answer you back differently because as you can see we all have our own experiences to share here!

[Oladeji123]

Go into more detail about how you always plat a part in screwing things up. You've been very vague up until now. It'd help if people could read more about what's happening.

 

Well,its more like i just don't know how to hold a conversation with them. I would say "hi", "what's your name", the basic questions but then i just wouldn't know what to talk about afterwards and things would just start getting awkward.

[normal person]

Well,its more like i just don't know how to hold a conversation with them. I would say "hi", "what's your name", the basic questions but then i just wouldn't know what to talk about afterwards and things would just start getting awkward.

 

You're meeting a stranger, they've lived a whole life that you know nothing about. There are an infinite amount of questions you can ask. Find out what makes them unique, what makes them tick, and why. Appeal to their sense of individualism. If you ask generic yes or no questions, you'll get generic yes or no answers that really don't engage either one of you intellectually. When you uncover the inner workings of someone, that's when things get interesting. When you uncover something you can relate to, mention it and use it to bond. At the same time, try not "interview" people, it can feel like a lot of pressure. So throw some bait of your own out there.

[NVO]

Maybe you should give Tinder a try just to be more comfortable with messaging, instead of the paid sites?

 

But I have to admit it's a learning curve, like people mentioned here before. To get a girl talking I always make a comment or ask about something I see on her pictures or her bio. I never start with "Hi, how's your day going?" You have to stand out from the crowd. Be creative, search for little details. Sometimes when I match a girl I just look at her profile and think about it for a while before I finally message her.

 

When you get the hang of it, you will make some sort of script that you run with every new girl. Depending on her answers ofcourse. Some jokes just work when it comes to OLD, so why not re-use them?

 

Also, don't ask too many questions, it's not an interview. Make statements instead.

 

And last but not least, ask for her number within two days of texting.

Edited December 21, 2016 by NVO

[Oladeji123]

Maybe you should give Tinder a try just to be more comfortable with messaging, instead of the paid sites?

 

But I have to admit it's a learning curve, like people mentioned here before. To get a girl talking I always make a comment or ask about something I see on her pictures or her bio. I never start with "Hi, how's your day going?" You have to stand out from the crowd. Be creative, search for little details. Sometimes when I match a girl I just look at her profile and think about it for a while before I finally message her.

 

When you get the hang of it, you will make some sort of script that you run with every new girl. Depending on her answers ofcourse. Some jokes just work when it comes to OLD, so why not re-use them?

 

Also, don't ask too many questions, it's not an interview. Make statements instead.

 

And last but not least, ask for her number within two days of texting.

 

Ive tried Tinder. Hardly got any matches and if i did get a lucky match, the girl wouldn't reply

[thecrucible]

Well,its more like i just don't know how to hold a conversation with them. I would say "hi", "what's your name", the basic questions but then i just wouldn't know what to talk about afterwards and things would just start getting awkward.

 

I know where you're coming from. Hey I'm still not the best at conversation but I know what that feels like. I think if you don't know what to say, just talk about what's happening around you. That's always a good bet. And try not to think you have to say something really earth shattering or different. It's okay to say something a bit mundane and make small talk like discussing the weather, or the music in a venue you're at. A simple topic can lead to getting more in depth. If in doubt, you could always ask her a question about herself. People love talking about themselves.

[normal person]

I think if you don't know what to say, just talk about what's happening around you. That's always a good bet. And try not to think you have to say something really earth shattering or different. It's okay to say something a bit mundane and make small talk like discussing the weather, or the music in a venue you're at.

 

Respectfully disagree. Regarding conversations, people like and develop affinity for others because an emotional or personal switch gets flipped on. There's nothing emotional or personal about mundane smalltalk. That's the enemy of this whole pursuit. All he's done up to this point is mundane smalltalk and he's gotten nowhere. No one is going to become interested in you because you talk about the weather. If you talk about why you like the weather, or can tell an interesting story about the weather, for example, you'll start to be characterized and people will be able to empathize with, or be intrigued/entertained by, or bond with you. Smalltalk is not an effective method of doing that.

 

A simple topic can lead to getting more in depth.

 

I'll agree with you here, but OP has to take the reigns and bring the conversation there, not just hope he finds himself there by chance.

 

If in doubt, you could always ask her a question about herself. People love talking about themselves.

 

Why only when in doubt? It should always be one of, if not the first, thing he does.

[Mysterio]

With Respect. I think your going to have to chill in this situation.

 

Just work out. Pick a hobby like Guitar/Sax/Trumpet. Join a recreational class that has women/men. Fencing/Tennis/Vollyball. Let the women come to you more.

 

Life is for the most part. Not straight ahead. I think the stress of making it happen may be blocking you from someone great. A little prayer to the universe would help sooth your soul as well.

[thecrucible]

Why only when in doubt? It should always be one of, if not the first, thing he does.

 

haha yeah I agree but people don't always do that. I was just thinking logically in terms of trying to build energy in a conversation. You obviously don't want to be mundane for too long and not ever get in depth but you need to start somewhere to get things going. I mean imagine I bump into a stranger and I say "hey", I'll probably make a small talk statement because I don't know enough about them to carry on the conversation more naturally. If they're receptive, they'd drop something in to the conversation...like I don't know "Hey isn't the band here awesome?".."Yeah they are my jam. I play in a band too..."..."Awesome! Which instrument do you play?"...haha that sounded kinda lame but I know what I was trying to say. I agree it has to work both ways. You have to volunteer info about yourself too so they have something to ask you about.