Mr. Lucky Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 In fact many WWs report feeling very uncomfortable and awkward or even outright repulsion at the thought of sex with the BH. Many liken it to feeling like they are "cheating" on the OM. Disagree. The shock for most BS - as it was for me - is finding out their WS has been leading a double life, sexuality included. Doesn't meant the marital sex was frequent and great but there are few threads where the BS is kept completely sexless. lostlover99, you should certainly do the easy stuff - check phone records, accounts, social media, etc. But the time/expense in hiring a PI, etc., would be better spent on counseling and therapy, either individual as you clarify your way forward or jointly if your W will participate... Mr. Lucky
oldshirt Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 Disagree. The shock for most BS - as it was for me - is finding out their WS has been leading a double life, sexuality included. Doesn't meant the marital sex was frequent and great but there are few threads where the BS is kept completely sexless. Either way, the tip off is a 'change' in the fundamental sexual response. It doesn't necessarily have to be completely sexless nor does some semblance of a sex life rule it out. The "shock" that you speak of is that the WS appears to the BS to be uninterested and lacking of a sex drive. Some WSs will even tell the BS that they no longer have a libido or interest in sex. The 'shock' is when the BS finds out that the WS if fact has fully functioning libido and has been swinging from the chandeliers in wild porn sex with the AP. In this instance, an affair by the wife would answer all the questions and explain her change in behavior.
road Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 ....Keep in mind I am not saying she is cheating or that he has presented any evidence of infidelity yet. I am saying that it is something that needs to be thoroughly and diligently investigated and ruled out before proceeding to any other therapies. If someone is getting their needs met elsewhere, then nothing else that the other spouse can do will have any effect or show any improvement. If an A does exist, then nothing else other than breaking up the A will have any positive effect for Lostlover. BH's need to rule out an affair just because it is a possibility. 1
sadwife48 Posted December 22, 2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Just to let you know, it goes both ways. My H has ED (because of medicines) and other health issues and I miss it a ton too! But I don't understand why he is uninterested in other forms of intimacy? It seems to bother him (maybe a male ego thing since he cannot "finish")? He actually told me to get a lover and not tell him but I would never do that. He flirts with other women, tells suggestive/dirty jokes - everyone thinks he's still the same sexual man I married... Sure hope your wife decides to try again!
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