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Five dates, no conversation yet [UPDATE Am I being too nice?]

Nadine123

By Nadine123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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whatdeww18 Established Member

whatdeww18

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Hi everyone

 

to make it short, I have been seeing this guy for two months now but for some reason he always makes fun of the way I talk. In every single conversation, not overexaggerating.

 

I hve spoken to him a couple of times about it but it is getting to a point now where it really pisses me off to the point where I am considering breaking up with him. If you speak to someone several times about something and they dont respect that it means they dont care. Also, he's 29, I find tht very childish. Imagine if you're dating someone and they make fun of the way you talk in every single conversation.

 

Let me know what you guys think please, should i end it?

 

Hmm I would like to hear a little bit more, if you don't mind.

Of course, no one should like being made fun of. It's not what people do in a relationship. And it sounds like you have talked to him about it, but did you express how it makes you feel?

 

So from what I think, some guys just like to tease their girl as it is playful and they want to keep flirting with you. Some guys are like that... Have you sat him down, really looked him in the eye, and tell him the way he makes fun of your talking is really hurting your feelings? "Although you may see it as playful or if you are just pointing it out, I feel hurt from the way you make fun of my talking."

 

Now if you have done all this, then why in the HELL are you still with him? Has he told you why he keeps talking about it? If he doesn't listen to you after you said all this, not worth it.

 

Wishing you the best,

-WhatDEWWWWW

marky00 Established Member

marky00

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Hmm I would like to hear a little bit more, if you don't mind.

Of course, no one should like being made fun of. It's not what people do in a relationship. And it sounds like you have talked to him about it, but did you express how it makes you feel?

 

So from what I think, some guys just like to tease their girl as it is playful and they want to keep flirting with you. Some guys are like that... Have you sat him down, really looked him in the eye, and tell him the way he makes fun of your talking is really hurting your feelings? "Although you may see it as playful or if you are just pointing it out, I feel hurt from the way you make fun of my talking."

 

Now if you have done all this, then why in the HELL are you still with him? Has he told you why he keeps talking about it? If he doesn't listen to you after you said all this, not worth it.

 

Wishing you the best,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

I don't necessarily agree with this advise. In fact, doing this will probably make things worse.

 

 

People are attracted to people who feel good in their own skin. Telling him how much it upsets her just confirms to him that she is feeling unsure about herself and the situation.

 

 

I really think your best play is to be assertive by showing him you love who you are and next time it happens, just get up and leave without any explanation.

 

 

Trust me on this one. This guy is testing you in my opinion. Intentionally or unintentionally.

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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Yes, I have. We went out last night and he did it in the car so I spoke to him about it.

 

Today he did it again and i got so pissed off to the point where i told him to shut up. This upset me because i dont like being mean to people.

 

I know what you mean by the playful part but this isnt playful at all. Imagine yourself having a conversation with someone and every single time they make fun of the way you talk or something you said. That isnt playful at all, that is just annoying and by everytime, I mean EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION.

 

Thanks, I think ill just have to end it. Better to head to 2017 without any drama. I just wanted to make sure im not being oversensitive.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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I think he's trying to bring you down by making you feel insecure.

 

He doesn't sound like a nice guy to me.

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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to be honest with you he treats me really well. This is the only thing he does that pushs me away.

 

sad but I guess it has to be done. no need to waste any more time.

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marky00 Established Member

marky00

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OP,

 

 

I think it will eat you up a bit later to know you didn't just shrug this off and be happy in your own skin.

 

 

You don't deal with a problem by breaking up, you deal with the problem. He is being an A-hole, agreed but no-one in this world can bring you down, only you can.

 

 

If you have no feelings, then break it off, by all means. But if you have feelings, it will sting you later that you let him get under your skin this much.

 

 

Is it possible there is still some lingering baggage from your previous heartache?

Edited by marky00
VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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My experience this just gets worse.

 

I don't tolerate mean or negative **** - even if its done as a "joke". Not funny, at all.

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amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

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to be honest with you he treats me really well. This is the only thing he does that pushs me away.

 

sad but I guess it has to be done. no need to waste any more time.

 

He could be testing you to see how much crap you'll tolerate so that's why he only treats you badly in this one way. For now....

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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@Marky. I will have to disagree on this one. Respect is an important part of relationships and you dont just ''shrug it off''. Even if I have feelings, this doesnt mean I should stick around.

 

@amaysngrace so what do you think I should do?

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PLT Established Member

PLT

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He could be testing you to see how much crap you'll tolerate so that's why he only treats you badly in this one way. For now....

 

Very much agree. My ex started by making "jokey" criticisms, of various things. I just brushed them off really.

 

A couple of years later she is screaming at me, saying the most horrific things, ignoring me as a punishment, getting other parties involved in our relatioship, the list goes on and on.

 

The thin end of a very large wedge.

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marky00 Established Member

marky00

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My Ex used to pick on my weight, called me Skinny sometimes even though I am like 6"1 and about 70kg so pretty much perfect weight.

 

 

She used to make these comments in the honeymoon stage when apparently she later confessed I was a 10/10 in her eyes.

 

 

Some people are just very vein and will make such comments even if they love you.

 

 

In my case, I do think my Ex was instinctively testing me for weaknesses. Normally I just ignored the Skinny comment or would say something like I was very happy with my weight. Over time the negative talk did get to me but its important you never show it. Like I said, people are attracted to those who are happy in their own skin. No1 rule in a relationship.

 

 

Humans are all vein in some ways. Some will be the type to openly tell you what they don't like. Others will make those evaluations in their own head only.

 

 

I think breaking up with this guy for this reason will just show that he got under your skin.

 

 

It would probably be better to just vanish because I think you might regret it later after you confess the reasons for breaking up to him.

marky00 Established Member

marky00

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@Marky. I will have to disagree on this one. Respect is an important part of relationships and you dont just ''shrug it off''. Even if I have feelings, this doesnt mean I should stick around.

 

@amaysngrace so what do you think I should do?

 

I totally agree but you don't get respect by asking for it or by breaking up. You get respect by your actions.

 

 

Talking to him about it will never fix that problem.

 

 

Respect yourself and he will then respect you.

 

 

Its not a case of "shrugging it off". It's a case of it won't bother you because you love yourself that much. Once you reach that point, make up your mind what you want to do.

Edited by marky00
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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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Respect yourself and then he will respect you? what the hell are you talking about?

 

If that was the case then there would be no one here complaining about people who screwed them over, or they dont respect themselves?

 

You were okay with your gf picking on you and look at where that got you. Thanks for your comments but Id rather go with everyone else here :)

keiji Established Member

keiji

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to be honest with you he treats me really well. This is the only thing he does that pushs me away.

 

sad but I guess it has to be done. no need to waste any more time.

 

If that's the only thing that pushes you away and the rest if fine, it seems quite a radical move to me. Perhaps you're not interested in the guy and you're unconsciously looking for excuses to break up?

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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to be honest with you it is, but what am i supposed to do? I cant even have a conv with him without him making fun of me, it is really annoying.

 

I know it is radical but i spoke to him several times about it. If someone spoke to me about something they didnt like i wouldnt do it anymore.

keiji Established Member

keiji

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I guess if you've already reached your irritation threshold, then it's time to let him go.

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marky00 Established Member

marky00

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Respect yourself and then he will respect you? what the hell are you talking about?

 

If that was the case then there would be no one here complaining about people who screwed them over, or they dont respect themselves?

 

You were okay with your gf picking on you and look at where that got you. Thanks for your comments but Id rather go with everyone else here :)

 

I'm doing fine thanks Nadine.

 

 

Your trying to deal with an emotional issue logically. Breaking up is a logical step. That's my point.

 

 

And yes, my ex had some similar traits and I know how I'd behave now had I had another chance, hence my advise to you.

 

3 years in I broke it off with her because I was fed up with the negative talk etc and let me tell you that solved nothing.

 

It's only advice, nothing more.

Edited by marky00
marky00 Established Member

marky00

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If that was the case then there would be no one here complaining about people who screwed them over, or they dont respect themselves?

 

You were okay with your gf picking on you and look at where that got you. Thanks for your comments but Id rather go with everyone else here :)

Precisely,

 

 

The reason why so many dumpees end up here is because of that reason.

 

 

You can't say all dumpees are victims. We are all responsible for ourselves and our emotions, no-one else is.

 

 

The cheating and being screwed over happens almost always once the respect is gone.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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He is trying to demean you and make you feel worthless so he can feel superior and control you. Only weak jerks feel the need to do this type of crap. He's abusive! Do NOT stay with him. Dump him and dump him good and forever.

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requiem1 Member

requiem1

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Can I ask you what is he making fun of, exactly? You don't need to answer if you don't wish to. It will help me try to figure out what I think you should do in this situation.

 

Regardless, it is immature.

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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No worries, just of the way I talk and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it lol. Im 27 and not one person has commented on anything my whole life.

 

for example, he'd be like let's go out today and id be like sure, what do you want to do? He would mock the sentence or the way I'm speaking. This happens in every single conversation at a point where i dont even want to speak around him anymore.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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No worries, just of the way I talk and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it lol. Im 27 and not one person has commented on anything my whole life.

 

for example, he'd be like let's go out today and id be like sure, what do you want to do? He would mock the sentence or the way I'm speaking. This happens in every single conversation at a point where i dont even want to speak around him anymore.

 

Nadine, this guy is showing you enormous amounts of disrespect. Time to pick up your self esteem and end it. And do it before NYE so that you can find a lovely stranger to kiss ;)

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HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

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Nadine, just curious. When you addressed this with him what were his responses to you?

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Nadine123 Established Member

Nadine123

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He told me I made me feel like we're in school and that I shouldn't be telling him how to speak. I was surprised with the way he took it and how selfish his reaction was.

 

The thing is I dont think he realizes how annoying he is being but Im just over feeling this irritated all the time. The sad part is that it is making me avoid his calls so i dont hear him making fun of me.

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HorseLuck Established Member

HorseLuck

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He told me I made me feel like we're in school and that I shouldn't be telling him how to speak. I was surprised with the way he took it and how selfish his reaction was.

 

The thing is I dont think he realizes how annoying he is being but Im just over feeling this irritated all the time. The sad part is that it is making me avoid his calls so i dont hear him making fun of me.

 

Ah, yeah. This guy needs a boot up the a**. I would just stop talking to him..break it off. Or, zone in on a sensitive spot for him and see how he likes a taste of his own medicine. Than again, I'm petty that way and like to fight fire with fire.

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