Five dates, no conversation yet [UPDATE Am I being too nice?]

[Nadine123]

Hello everyone

 

Im back after five years of copying with my last heartbreak and Ive started dating again. I met this guy and we have been on about five dates already. He treats me like a princess (but I mean they all do in the beginning lol) and on the 3d date we already started holding etc, kissing, etc

 

I dont want to rush things but Im really cautious now after what happened last time. Shouldn't he have atleast told me he likes me or wants to pursue something further by now? Also, he always says thing like give me a kiss give me a hug, etc which I find really annoying, makes me feel like he's only in it for the fun. Also, something strange happened last date. We were out and holding hands and then he saw a family member and immediately let go off my hands and didnt even introduce me. He also doesnt want to add me on social media because he says he doesnt use them ''alot''.

 

What do you think? Sorry I might seem annoying but I really dont want to make the same mistakes again.

[elaine567]

Also, something strange happened last date. We were out and holding hands and then he saw a family member and immediately let go off my hands and didnt even introduce me. He also doesnt want to add me on social media because he says he doesnt use them ''alot''.

 

How old is he?

Is he a young lad who is "embarrassed" at PDAs in front of family, or is a 40 yo who probably has a wife or a long term gf too?

[Nadine123]

no he's 28

[spiderowl]

It is early days. Neither of you know if your relationship will grow stronger or fizzle out. I can kind of understand why he doesn't want to tell the world yet. As another poster said, he could be a bit shy of public demonstrations of affection. If things carry on and you start to feel more involved and happy with each other, then becoming more public about the relationship will seem more natural.

 

Guys do tend to want a physical response from a woman so they know she is interested in more than friendship, but listen to your instincts too.

[Nadine123]

Hi everyone,

 

I recently started seeing this guy and things are going great but I just can't seem to let go of this. For some reason, he is avoiding to add me ANYWHERE on social media (snapchat, facebook, etc). It might not sound like a big deal but I just don't get it.

 

The thing is I have a book and it has its own fb page. I asked him twice (not more so I don't sound naggy) if he checked it out so he can have a better idea of what I do and my writings and he said no, even though his phone was in his hand so if he wanted to he would have. Makes me kind of feel like he isn't being supportive as well.

 

I know this might not seem like a big deal but it just doesnt make sense. He regularly uses social media by the way based on the stories he tells me (I saw this event posted on fb etc).

 

Please help.

[Gloria25]

Well, has he added past gfs on social media?

 

Also, have you asked him directly (communication is important in a RL)?

 

Me, I am not big on social media. I do have a Fakebook, but set it up cuz instead of spending X amount of time emailing and/or calling the world, it's so easy to keep in touch via Fakebook. But, I barely go on there and don't have other forms of social media (i.e. Snapchat, Twitter, etc.) cuz, it complicates things and, IMO, majority of people on there are more worried about portraying some fake sense of "life" they have.

 

So, me? I wouldn't add someone to my social media until we're serious (i.e. marriage) cuz, imagine having to add/remove every person you've dated? Ok, let's say you leave as a "friend" an ex, who gets to see who your current bf is? That's just too complicated and messy for me.

 

So, IMO, check his social media to see if he has added past gfs and simply ask him what's his view on at what point should he put someone he's dating on his social media.

[Nadine123]

I have asked him, and he said he doesn't use it which he does. He was checking snapchat on his phone and I could see that he posted a story there. I just dont get it.

[salparadise]

I wouldn't worry about it. How recently did you start seeing him?

 

I've been with my girlfriend more than a year and a quarter. We only friended each other on FB after three months. We still haven't declared it a relationship on FB, although we are exclusive, committed, and talking about the future. Why? Because FB means absolutely zero!

 

She's a little shy because of her kids, students, colleagues –– doesn't care to make it anyone's business and get them all gossiping. I post pics occasionally when we go places and do things together but I don't tag her because she doesn't care for the whole world to know when we're away together. It's just fine that way. She has introduced me to friends, and they know what the deal is, but we just don't have any motivation to broadcast it.

 

Social media means nothing. Focus on reality.

[Nadine123]

I understand where you are coming from but why he is taking it this far to avoid it? Like lying that he doesn't use snapchat when he does?

 

Also, he seems to be fine with adding everyone but me.

 

I get that social media isnt reality but why would he have so much of an issue about it? Doesnt make sense to me.

[dumbass2]

I can see that this really bothers you. You'll have to discuss it with him if it is something you feel that strongly about. Usually I would think that if someone is really into you and you offer to show them something about what you do (the book), then they might want to at least attempt to check it out. I dated someone exclusively for over 6 months and we never friended each other on FB or any other social media.

 

How long have you been dating him because this can have a lot to do with the social media stuff.

[spiderowl]

If you don't like his behaviour and talking to him doesn't put things right, then why stay with him? I wouldn't expect a guy to add me to his social media or to publicise my work in any way, especially not when I've only met him recently, but if you feel he uses social media a lot socially and it bothers you, ask him about it.

[Nadine123]

That is exactly what I'm saying.What annoys me the post is that he should least be interested in what I do and there is no reason to lie about not posting things when he clearly does. I did speak to him about it and he keeps on brushing it off.

 

We have been dating for one month.I think Ill just end it tmw, there is no reason to be with someone who is not interested in what I do and lies about petty stuff like this.

[DarrenB]

Alot of people I know aren't very keen on social media. As it goes for maintaining a relationship on say Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat... oh they DESPISE it. They're more of a 'I'll ring you up and ask you to dinner', or exchange a couple emails a day, texts that type of thing. Living in the real world rather than virtually as some may say.

 

Don't assume as if I'm attacking you or anything, but do you think maybe a little insecurity stems from your previous R/S and B/U? His behaviour is a little strange, but I personally don't think it's anything to worry about, unless it genuinely bothers you of course.

[Nadine123]

Maybe I am being insecure, but the fact that he isnt even interested in getting to know what im doing is what annoys me. I also hate lying, dont say you dont use snapchat when you dont.

 

Im not making a big deal out of the social media part, just the facts behind his actions.

[DarrenB]

Maybe I am being insecure, but the fact that he isnt even interested in getting to know what im doing is what annoys me. I also hate lying, dont say you dont use snapchat when you dont.

 

Im not making a big deal out of the social media part, just the facts behind his actions.

 

Have you acknowledged these actions to him directly?

[Nadine123]

Yes, twice. I didnt want to push it as we are only dating for a month but that is the whole point of why I am annoyed, that he said he's using social media when he is. Honesty is important in any relationship and if he said he is not comfortable adding me or something I wouldnt have a problem.

 

That or is he hiding something. I just dont want to ignore red flags like last time.

[PinkPampies]

My last relationship was like this. Turned out he wasn't over his ex and didn't want her to see he was involved with someone else. Needless to say, it didn't work out.

[BonerFide]

My last relationship was like this. Turned out he wasn't over his ex and didn't want her to see he was involved with someone else. Needless to say, it didn't work out.

 

What an ass

[BonerFide]

It is a red flag. He probably doesn't want other girls to know about you.

 

I second this. It's not necessarily a sign he's talking to other girls or anything more extreme but it's super weird. If he's not into social media and doesn't want to add you that's fine, loads of people don't care for it. If he uses social media as much as you say he does... yeah. He has no reason to lie or keep brushing you off. Shows he doesn't care about your book, interests OR feelings. Might not be a keeper.

[salparadise]

Yes, twice. I didnt want to push it as we are only dating for a month but that is the whole point of why I am annoyed, that he said he's using social media when he is. Honesty is important in any relationship and if he said he is not comfortable adding me or something I wouldnt have a problem.

 

That or is he hiding something. I just dont want to ignore red flags like last time.

 

 

If he's lying about it... red flag, definitely. The best policy is don't date liars. In this case it would obviate the need to sniff out his motivation, even though you wouldn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to score a quick bullseye. Either another woman precedes you, or he's playing the field.

 

If you know for a fact that he's lying, why not call him on it?

 

Why doesn't he look at the FB page for your book... he's not interested in the book.

 

You may be extracurricular.

Edited December 19, 2016 by salparadise

[Nadine123]

Hi everyone

 

to make it short, I have been seeing this guy for two months now but for some reason he always makes fun of the way I talk. In every single conversation, not overexaggerating.

 

I hve spoken to him a couple of times about it but it is getting to a point now where it really pisses me off to the point where I am considering breaking up with him. If you speak to someone several times about something and they dont respect that it means they dont care. Also, he's 29, I find tht very childish. Imagine if you're dating someone and they make fun of the way you talk in every single conversation.

 

Let me know what you guys think please, should i end it?

[keiji]

If he keeps doing it you probably won't even have to think about breaking up. You'll grow tired of him. My ex-g used to devalue everything I did. I went from thinking it was anecdotal to growing more and more irritated by her to discovering that she would never accept the slightest criticism or even suggestions while I had to put up with her disdain, so the relationship simply deteriorated.

[Nadine123]

sorry im a bit confused. so you used to do that thinking its criticism and got irritated by her not accepting it?

 

sorry english is not my first language

[keiji]

sorry im a bit confused. so you used to do that thinking its criticism and got irritated by her not accepting it?

 

sorry english is not my first language

 

Not mine, either. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear!

 

I meant that she wouldn't accept my criticisms or mere suggestions even when she kept criticizing every single thing I did, which eroded the relationship. Perhaps you don't need to make up your mind right now. Just wait and see. If he keeps behaving like that, you'll probably get tired of him and his attitude in a more "automatic" way. Perhaps breaking up now would be a bit too radical if you're interested in him. You just need to discover whether it's a constant trait and if you can put up with it.

Edited December 29, 2016 by keiji

[marky00]

Here's what I think.

 

 

Given your recent heartbreak, this time around your seeing some red flags and are being assertive right away. That makes sense.

 

 

My Ex used to do things like that too, for instance her Thai culture kind of didn't like it so much if I showed emotion out in public, like say a waiter at a restaurant pissed me off or w/e. After a while, I tried to tone the emotions down but over time I realised that was a big mistake, because I gave up who I was which in the end made things worse.

 

 

My advise, next time, he makes a comment like that, let him know you don't plan on changing how you talk. Next time, it happens, just get up and leave, saying you won't tolerate that negative talk anymore.

 

 

If he cares, in anyway, he will get the message and pull his head in.

 

 

If he simply lets you walk and he doesn't contact you soon after, I guess it's fair to say he just doesn't have strong feelings for you. The sad truth is if someone starts having a go at your mannerisms, they simply do not love you.