Broken-Hearted-Girl Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Hi. My boyfriend recently broke up with me (3 days ago) because he says he doesn't feel the same way about me, he reassured me that he loves me but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. we dated for 5 years, and he was my whole life. Its difficult for me to let people in because my parents are divorced and I was scared of going through that... but I fell in love with him and let my guard down, And now I don't know how to pick the pieces up. We were in a long distance realationship for the past 2 years, but planning on living together next year. I have no one to talk to, the only person I had was him so I have messaged him to see if he was hurting as much as I was and at first he did not respond and when he did he said he doesn't want this anymore and there's nothing he can do for me. I just need someone who has experienced this to let me know how they moved forward. Thank you 1
lovechunker Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Hey, hope you're doing fine. I'm a straight shooter, some people like it some don't. He was saying that he "loves you" because he cares about you and doesn't want you to hurt about the break up. He's moved on. I'm sorry things didn't work out. Relationships are weird because they go so well sometimes then they explode!! Happened to me plenty of times. I've been on both sides of the equation. At the end of the day, you want to be with someone who cares about you and also wants to spend you're life with you. Relationships take a lot of work and the good ones are simultaneously easy. Doesn't make sense unless you're in one, then you'll know. There's tons of people in life. I have friends that are mean, some that are jaded, some that don't care what anyone thinks, and some that are crazy. I love them all and they're all different. I would get involved in as many things as humanly possible, so that you meet tons of people and it will put your relationship into perspective. You will start to see things that you didn't see about it before. Call up old friends and reconnect. you'll see how awesome people are and how the good ones take you right back into their life after you've been gone. Don't sweat it. You're a fish in an endless ocean of people who are all looking for love. Just haven't found the one yet. (also don't approach it as "finding the one", approach it as "looking for the one if he's out there"). Low expectations = results that are > what you expected... which equals happiness because you always exceed your own expectations. 1
Author Broken-Hearted-Girl Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 Thank you for all the advice lovechunker, it means alot that you took the time to reply to my post. Ive read numerous posts on this site and decided to post about my break up because im an introverted person so its hard for me to really find people to speak to, he was my first everything so it's just tough. I will definitely try to get out there and meet you new people. Thank you! 1
spiderowl Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I am sorry to hear that and appreciate it is a very painful time for you. You must feel pretty shocked by this. Your ex boyfriend must have some feelings for you but he obviously does not want to stay involved and support you. Well, he can't really because how can you support someone you have hurt? It is awkward. If you can, talk to friends and family, anyone you feel might be supportive. It is a time for working through your feelings because a break up can trigger so much confusion. Post on here because people will help here too. It could take a few weeks but you will come through this and be stronger. x 1
Satu Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 snip *I have no one to talk to, the only person I had was him so I have messaged him to see if he was hurting as much as I was and at first he did not respond and when he did he said he doesn't want this anymore and there's nothing he can do for me. I just need someone who has experienced this to let me know how they moved forward. Thank you Welcome to Loveshack. Sorry that you're hurting. I'm going to tell you something very important now: *Life isn't meant to be about just one person. You need more than one person present in your life. Engage with your neighbours, school friends, family, etc. Nourish all these relationships with your goodwill. We are here for many people, not just one. And no other person is here just for you. Take care. 1
Author Broken-Hearted-Girl Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 @spiderowl thank you for replying.. I've read many recovery posts where people say it gets better with time and I really hope so, as of now all the encouraging advice I recieved and reading posts about happiness- post break ups.. has given me hope so thank you! @Satu I been trying to get in touch with all friends etc which helps.. many people have said they know how it feels.. but can't tell me how to deal with my emotions I basically have to work through them myself.. I have initiated NC its going to be tough but I won't let this ruin my life.. thank you for your kind words 1
DarrenB Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 I think love is beautiful and can be perpetual, however what people do misinterpret and those people usually being the significant other in a relationship is that there's love, then there's affection, intimacy, adoration and so forth. Love is powerful, it can develop and gradually build over a course of time, however within an instant it can also diminish. It simply sounds as though to him, he's had his time and experience with you, but can no longer cherish it in present time. It seems to be very common nowadays, as unfortunate as it may be. How I can state this, is well because my ex and I shared such requited love for each other. However, that love to her became obsolete and she claimed she could no longer love me, and to my surprise had told me she no longer did. That she was gone a long time ago, but she was unable to tell me and make action. It was only days, weeks, months before she would go through various extents to prove her love for me. It's confusing, and heartbreaking so I completely empathize for you. The best way to move forward, is a little process Satu had said. 'No Contact'. I won't go into such specific detail but I'll go through the main process of NC. NC is a process where you negate all contact with your ex. It's a process where you heal independently and go through specific stages. There are 5 particular ones: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can be very difficult to maintain, but you will benefit entirely in the end. Best of luck. 1
salparadise Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 NC is a process where you negate all contact with your ex. It's a process where you heal independently and go through specific stages. There are 5 particular ones: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can be very difficult to maintain, but you will benefit entirely in the end. These are the stages of grief. When you lose a valued relationship it's grief that you're experiencing. The stages can be ambiguous. You don't necessarily experience them all, nor in any particular order. The way to work through grief is to talk as much as you need to. You may wear your friends out before you're done, so finding additional resources is important. This forum is one, although posting is not quite as effective as actually talking to a caring individual. Other sources may be friends, family, counselors, support groups (live or online), clergy, crisis/support hotlines (phone), and journaling is a big help for many as well. No contact is simply cutting all contact and all possibility of contact with the person who has terminated the relationship. It doesn't work to try and remain in contact, or remain friends, while working through the process. The work you need to do is editing them out of your life, readjusting to the new normal, and developing other fulfilling people and activities to focus on. Long distance relationship are extremely difficult to maintain for extended periods of time. Even though it may have been a shock to learn that he is ending it, it may be some consolation to understand that after two years it's wouldn't be all that unexpected. Try not to take it too personally. Understand that what you're going through, the feelings that you're experiencing are typical. Most people have to deal with it at one time or another. You feel like crap right now, but you'll be ok. Acknowledge the grief, embrace the feelings, console yourself... then get out and find new things to do, new people to hang with, new interests to focus on. Work through it before beginning to date again or getting involved with someone new. 1
DarrenB Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 These are the stages of grief. When you lose a valued relationship it's grief that you're experiencing. The stages can be ambiguous. You don't necessarily experience them all, nor in any particular order. The way to work through grief is to talk as much as you need to. You may wear your friends out before you're done, so finding additional resources is important. This forum is one, although posting is not quite as effective as actually talking to a caring individual. Other sources may be friends, family, counselors, support groups (live or online), clergy, crisis/support hotlines (phone), and journaling is a big help for many as well. No contact is simply cutting all contact and all possibility of contact with the person who has terminated the relationship. It doesn't work to try and remain in contact, or remain friends, while working through the process. The work you need to do is editing them out of your life, readjusting to the new normal, and developing other fulfilling people and activities to focus on. Thanks for the clarification and elaborating forward, that was initially what I meant. I was in the midst of editing before it completely cut off allowing me to edit. 1
thajake Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I am sorry to hear that but I was in same situation just my Ex gf broke up with me and of course she felt sorry but she couldn't do anything as she moved on. People change all the time. it is better you start NC right away, long distance relationship is better as you can totally cut somebody off without risk of bumping to one another. read as much as you can about the grief process and moving on but as many here said write to us we will support you. Pain can fuel you to new better things. You will be fine after some time. but right now you have to understand that relationship has ended as you know it and you need to start process of healing so you can have new better relationship, probably you think is impossible right now, but believe me you will be super fine.
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