Red flags with a gamer...

[Standard-Fare]

Went on a couple dates with a guy, felt pretty positive about it, then decided to Google him. Most of the results were gaming-related. (And no, I wasn't doing deep snooping there – his user name is his real-life name, which is a rare one. That's on him.)

 

I went to one site that publicly displayed details of all his gaming activity, including hours played. The figure there shocked me — it said he'd played for 75 hours over the last two weeks. As in, you know, close to the equivalent of a full-time job.

 

First a question for those who might be in the know: Is it possible at least some of those hours are times when the screen is on but he isn't actively playing? In other words could that figure be completely misleading?

 

We haven't even talked about gaming on our dates. I'm not a gamer myself and though I'd accept it as a casual hobby, I'm not looking to get involved with someone who's obsessed or addicted.

 

I'm going to go ahead and proceed with our third date, trying to keep an open mind, but I can't say this didn't raise red flags...

[KatZee]

I dated a gamer once.

 

I wouldn't touch those people ever again. He was one of those full-time gamers. We met at a job we both worked at, and he got introduced to the game there. We went from an OK relationship to him always blowing me off to go on raids. (WoW)

 

He wasn't going to school, he wasn't working, he lived in his parents house, and all he'd do is sit in his bedroom with the curtains drawn, mic headset on, just grinding, and raiding. It was so utterly pathetic.

 

There was one instance where we had a date planned, and he flat out stood me up, told me that what was worse, screwing over one person (his girlfriend) or 20 people (his guild). He chose the guild.

 

Another situation happened where I went to his house and we were supposed to hang out and he was fully engrossed in the game. I literally got naked and was laying on his bed. Nothing. He just kept playing the game. When he finally came over, he just laid down and went to sleep. I can't even make this ***** up.

 

Games like this literally ruin lives, and relationships. If he's got a handle on it, and can balance gaming, work, life, girlfriend, family, other activities, fine. But if he's logging 75+ hours a week? Run.

[dpass]

First a question for those who might be in the know: Is it possible at least some of those hours are times when the screen is on but he isn't actively playing? In other words could that figure be completely misleading?

 

Depending on what he is playing, yes.

 

There are also games with a lot of waiting. A game that I play I have a shared account with a friend of mine, not technically allowed but it has never been caught. We have separate characters, but the time played is a combo of both of ours. If he uses bots that is a whole other scenario.

[CommittedToThis]

it said he'd played for 75 hours over the last two weeks. As in, you know, close to the equivalent of a full-time job.

 

Well, there are professional gamers now (!?!?!??!) so if he's pulling endorsements, all good.

 

Otherwise, I would seriously consider looking for someone dedicated to those kinds of hours spent in reality.

[dpass]

Well, there are professional gamers now (!?!?!??!) so if he's pulling endorsements, all good.

 

This is true. A good friend of mine streams a game and brings in about 6K a month from playing. He doesn't tell women right away, because "I play video games for a living" doesn't sound to good.

[Standard-Fare]

I dated a gamer once.

 

I wouldn't touch those people ever again. He was one of those full-time gamers. We met at a job we both worked at, and he got introduced to the game there. We went from an OK relationship to him always blowing me off to go on raids. (WoW)

 

He wasn't going to school, he wasn't working, he lived in his parents house, and all he'd do is sit in his bedroom with the curtains drawn, mic headset on, just grinding, and raiding. It was so utterly pathetic.

 

There was one instance where we had a date planned, and he flat out stood me up, told me that what was worse, screwing over one person (his girlfriend) or 20 people (his guild). He chose the guild.

Another situation happened where I went to his house and we were supposed to hang out and he was fully engrossed in the game. I literally got naked and was laying on his bed. Nothing. He just kept playing the game. When he finally came over, he just laid down and went to sleep. I can't even make this ***** up.

 

Games like this literally ruin lives, and relationships. If he's got a handle on it, and can balance gaming, work, life, girlfriend, family, other activities, fine. But if he's logging 75+ hours a week? Run.

 

I gotta admit I LOLed at the bolds above. So off-the-charts pathetic that it's comical.

 

Yeah, I have no desire to even be near a "man" like this, but, as I said, I don't want to leap to conclusions with this guy if these figures are somehow misleading or inaccurate. I feel I should give him the benefit of the doubt until I get a real picture of his gaming.

[Standard-Fare]

Depending on what he is playing, yes.

 

There are also games with a lot of waiting. A game that I play I have a shared account with a friend of mine, not technically allowed but it has never been caught. We have separate characters, but the time played is a combo of both of ours. If he uses bots that is a whole other scenario.

 

Without saying the exact name, it's an online community/platform through which people play multiple games and it logs all their stats. I did some minor looking into whether the "hours played" there is an accurate figure, but I couldn't find an answer that satisfied me before I got scared off from the deep forests of gaming nerdery. It's just not my world. People seemed to be mostly bragging about their hours played and viewing them as a measure of legitimacy.

[gaius]

The client I use (steam) logs time based on when the game's running. It doesn't matter if you're actually playing or not. So if you keep it running in the background or when you're off the computer entirely doing something else it will still log you as playing. You could clock 12-14 hours a day and only play 30 actual minutes.

 

Honestly, the only way you're going to discover the depths (or shallows) of his nerdom is to keep dating him.

[Standard-Fare]

The client I use (steam) logs time based on when the game's running. It doesn't matter if you're actually playing or not. So if you keep it running in the background or when you're off the computer entirely doing something else it will still log you as playing. You could clock 12-14 hours a day and only play 30 actual minutes.

 

Honestly, the only way you're going to discover the depths (or shallows) of his nerdom is to keep dating him.

 

Ok, that's helpful. Can you tell me in this community if "hours played" is broadly recognized as an unreliable figure?

 

And would be it normal/common for people to let the games run on their own? As an outsider my guess would be that it could create negative consequences (i.e. screwing up the game results) that would make people avoid it. Unless the games totally lock in place when left unattended...

 

I realize there may be different answers for different games...

[OrangeParty]

Ok, that's helpful. Can you tell me in this community if "hours played" is broadly recognized as an unreliable figure?

 

And would be it normal/common for people to let the games run on their own? As an outsider my guess would be that it could create negative consequences (i.e. screwing up the game results) that would make people avoid it. Unless the games totally lock in place when left unattended...

 

I realize there may be different answers for different games...

 

I'm a gamer. 75+ hours in two weeks is pretty bad, unless it's a one off thing (new release, major event, etc). Hours played doesn't say much... I'm one of those people who sneaks in a few minutes of play a day, but I leave the game running because I interrupt myself with other more pressing things and frankly most of the time forget that I had the game on.

 

I highly doubt that I'm common though. Take it as an additional data point for you to make a decision.

[lovechunker]

Just ask him, "hey bro, are you really into gaming?" then show interest and see what you can get out of him. Don't act suspicious, more like a friend who is curious about another friends interests. He will tell you what's up. And maybe he just games cuz he sucks with chicks and would rather be doing other stuff. Or maybe he really enjoys it. It really doesn't matter either way. Just because someone games it doesn't mean they are not datable. If you like him date him and if it becomes a problem then move on. At the same time, if he's unhygienic, has no social life whatsoever, games until 3 am every morning, and doesn't have a job, then that's a different thing. I wouldn't rule someone out because they game a lot. If a chick said she game a ton, i wouldn't mind it. I would honestly think its cool as long as she is motivated to achieve other goals in life. It would be a breath of fresh air that she's not getting drunk at a bar. Gotta see the positives, and counter them with the negatives. As long as he's making you a priority then should be fine. But if he's turning you down to hang with his virtual gaming friends then you know what to do. Peace (Y)

[dpass]

Ok, that's helpful. Can you tell me in this community if "hours played" is broadly recognized as an unreliable figure?

 

And would be it normal/common for people to let the games run on their own? As an outsider my guess would be that it could create negative consequences (i.e. screwing up the game results) that would make people avoid it. Unless the games totally lock in place when left unattended...

 

I realize there may be different answers for different games...

 

For Steam in particular, as long as the game is running it clocks. I frequently leave games open all night because I'm too lazy to shut them down and start back up again. Also during the day, to sneak in a bit of play time. Steam hours are totally unreliable, unless the person closes the game immediately. Some games on Steam may be different, I only know from what I play.

 

Even my GF, who hardly ever plays, has hundreds of hours on one game because she leaves it open often but really only plays for max 30 minutes at a time.

 

WoW is another one that is unreliable. I have a character with 200 and some days played (so like 5000 hours). That is spread out over 10 years (87,000 hours) and includes when my character is just sitting around and I'm not doing anything.

[Shining One]

First a question for those who might be in the know: Is it possible at least some of those hours are times when the screen is on but he isn't actively playing? In other words could that figure be completely misleading?

Yes, to both questions. I've had times in which I fell asleep while still running a game. I've also played turn-based games with friends over a weekend and just left that game running. Two hours of actual playtime became 48+ hours of logged game time.

[Shining One]

Ok, that's helpful. Can you tell me in this community if "hours played" is broadly recognized as an unreliable figure?

 

And would be it normal/common for people to let the games run on their own? As an outsider my guess would be that it could create negative consequences (i.e. screwing up the game results) that would make people avoid it. Unless the games totally lock in place when left unattended...

 

I realize there may be different answers for different games...

Can you tell us the name of the game in question?

[losangelena]

I used to date a gamer and kind of hated it.

 

However, now I actually work at a video game company, and while most of the people who also work there are "core gamers," most seem to have balanced lives with SOs and outside hobbies, etc.

 

As others have said, there could be a big difference between hours played and hours logged in, so it's in your best interest, if you like this guy, to not make snap judgements. Just don't get into a relationship with him thinking you'll be able to change him later on, 'cause that never works too well. If you really don't want to date a gamer, then don't.

[gaius]

Ok, that's helpful. Can you tell me in this community if "hours played" is broadly recognized as an unreliable figure?

 

And would be it normal/common for people to let the games run on their own? As an outsider my guess would be that it could create negative consequences (i.e. screwing up the game results) that would make people avoid it. Unless the games totally lock in place when left unattended...

 

I realize there may be different answers for different games...

You can just leave the game on the intro menu and it will count you as playing. No stats messed up whatsoever. I have a few turn based games that I leave running all day because it's just easier to take a turn here and there throughout my day than to start and quit every time. For example, today was the first day I've started steam in the past 2 weeks and it has me clocked for 11.6 hours already. Even though I probably played 3 total tops today. In between hitting on my girlfriend, household stuff and Christmas shopping.

 

You're right that it does depend on the game, first person shooters such as call of duty are probably more likely to be more accurate. But don't assume off the bat this guy is like Katzee's story. That's an extreme case of loser. My girlfriend is always my first priority.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This is true. A good friend of mine streams a game and brings in about 6K a month from playing. He doesn't tell women right away, because "I play video games for a living" doesn't sound to good.

 

And frankly, imho, whether he/she is pulling in big bucks, these types are anti-social unless required to be. You don't become that good or involved b/c you're the most social, active person around. 70-80 hours per bi-week?! Crazy too much and NO WAY for me.

[TheAntiHero]

This is true. A good friend of mine streams a game and brings in about 6K a month from playing. He doesn't tell women right away, because "I play video games for a living" doesn't sound to good.

 

Just curious, what game and how many views does he get per session.

[Tribble]

I'd just carry on as if you didn't know these details. As other people have mentioned, it could be misleading. Just look out for issues. Just because someone plays a game doesn't make them undatable (as has already been mentioned).

 

I dated a gamer. He had friends, outside interests and was a socially adjusted individual haha. The problem is, the way gaming is viewed. He was very busy with work and that meant he didn't play as much as he wanted and complained about it. Our work schedules also clashed which meant we didn't see each other often. He always chose to see me rather than game, even when I gave him the choice. I do remember one time though, after a new release, we hadn't seen each other for a while and he was working the evening I had free. He was moaning he'd rather play than be at work. I was like, really? I'd rather have a cuddle haha.

 

I had to regularly remind myself that this was how he relaxed. If I didn't have time to go to the gym, I would be very stressed out. As long as these things don't impact negatively on the relationship, they should be fine. Gaming has a bad rep. There are people who fit the stereotype but most are just normal people who have found something fun to do.

[BikerAccnt]

I don't really see how this is much different than someone that comes home from work and parks themselves in front of a tv for 3 or 4 hours a night, and then most of the weekends.

 

Everyone enterains themselves as they see fit.

 

I have a full time job 40-50 hours per week.. I have a GF I see 3 times a week, and I game most every night that I'm not seeing her. I would bet I probably log 10-20 hours a week gaming. Then again, I may watch only 2 hours of TV that same period.

 

I still manage to keep my job, clean and own my own house, manage my investments, have a brokerage account, and a pretty decent life. Oh,and I'm 56.

 

Unless the gaming is interfering with other parts of life, it's just another form of entertainment, as valid as any other.

[Standard-Fare]

Thanks for everybody's clarifications on the "hours played" issue. For the time being I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he did NOT actually play 75 hours total.

 

I really don't know this guy much at all, it's been two dates, so I'll just have to see how things go.

 

While I don't really "get" gaming, it's not a dealbreaker hobby for me at all. Everybody's gotta blow off steam. The red flag for me was the possibility of a consuming addiction. All I can do about that is keep my eyes open.

[Popsicle]

Oh god, run. One of my good friends married a gamer and she is not one. It's been a total nightmare for her.

[Karma24]

Does he have a job? Surely that's come up by now...

[Standard-Fare]

Does he have a job? Surely that's come up by now...

 

Yes, he does have what sounds to be a decent full-time job, in an office. It does involve being at a computer for a lot of the day, but I doubt he would game there, because ... who's that brazen, and what job tolerates that?

 

From what I can tell he's not a grandma's basement type. He has his own place, car, etc.

[eightytwenty]

My fiancé is a gamer. He knows that game time is limited. He usually only plays when I'm going to sleep and when I'm gone.

 

 

I get HIGHLY pissed if I see him in the room playing and I'm cleaning/cooking/taking care of our son and I find him in the room. After a few talks he doesn't do it.