Gloria25 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Ok, I was reading some articles that say when a guy is into you, he does stuff to make himself be around you... Is it me, but has anyone had circumstances where a guy won't say nothing to you, but you kinda usually catch him in the corner of your eye - like around you? Like if you take lunch at a certain time, he's there. If you walk a certain place, you may run into him there when you kinda know that's not where he usually is? Sometimes, he'll just walk "around" you, but won't stop and say anything? Could guys like this be shy? Do they enjoy just looking but not approaching? Should you ignore them? Cuz really, if they were interested they'd acknowledge your presence? Are they waiting for you to make the move? I mean, one time I passed dude without saying anything to him and next time I saw him, he seemed upset.
basil67 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Can't say I've ever noticed this happening.
loverboy69 Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 Yep. That used to be me. My current SO was like that with me too! I would hover near enough to his desk so he could hear my voice but just far enough so I wouldn't appear too obvious. I would only do this with the person I was interested in. Everyone else I could be in their face, silly, outgoing, gross etc. Otherwise known as the confident shy guy. Here's a good article on it here: http://www.davidwygant.com/women/blog/understanding-men/understanding-the-confidentnervous-guy/
Got it Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 Yeah even if I noticed that it is far too passive to do anything but annoy me.
Shanex Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Might have done that.. Which come off as stalking to a degree. But it's lame. Even if I hate cold approach, a man has to somehow make a move.
mikeylo Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 It's called testing waters and having you notice him on kind of regularly to get accustomed. Rather than jumping with both feet in and getting rejected or blowing up completely.
Author Gloria25 Posted December 18, 2016 Author Posted December 18, 2016 It's called testing waters and having you notice him on kind of regularly to get accustomed. Rather than jumping with both feet in and getting rejected or blowing up completely. Well, what would you call it if you already informed him of your attraction and/or interest and chat with him on the regular? Cuz, if I told you I'm attracted and we chat, no need to "test the waters".
preraph Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Yeah, but that's not the guy you want to let close. That's the inadequate fearful guy who'd rather sneak around and get a load of you and then go home and masturbate later but doesn't have what it takes to just have a normal conversation. He's going to surveil you and sounds like even stalk you if he keeps turning up places and he may become obsessed to the point of becoming a real pain in the rear or even worse if it goes on very long. These are the stories you hear on the news of some girl getting shot, raped or stabbed by a guy who she barely recognizes or "just some weird guy" she assumed had nothing to do with her because she'd never even talked to him. Meanwhile he's been peeping and obsessing. IMO, even if you made the move, he's probably still going to be too inadequate to deal with it if he's just circling like a buzzard. By the way, that's what talk show host Steve Harvey calls those guys, "buzzards" who just circle. He doesn't like them either and they can be dangerous and a big mess because they are messed up in the head. They aren't ready for anything other than watching, and that's not good. They probably have exactly one sex scenario in their head by which they can imagine successfully having sex with you. 2
Author Gloria25 Posted December 18, 2016 Author Posted December 18, 2016 (edited) Yeah, but that's not the guy you want to let close. That's the inadequate fearful guy who'd rather sneak around and get a load of you and then go home and masturbate later but doesn't have what it takes to just have a normal conversation. He's going to surveil you and sounds like even stalk you if he keeps turning up places and he may become obsessed to the point of becoming a real pain in the rear or even worse if it goes on very long. These are the stories you hear on the news of some girl getting shot, raped or stabbed by a guy who she barely recognizes or "just some weird guy" she assumed had nothing to do with her because she'd never even talked to him. Meanwhile he's been peeping and obsessing. IMO, even if you made the move, he's probably still going to be too inadequate to deal with it if he's just circling like a buzzard. By the way, that's what talk show host Steve Harvey calls those guys, "buzzards" who just circle. He doesn't like them either and they can be dangerous and a big mess because they are messed up in the head. They aren't ready for anything other than watching, and that's not good. They probably have exactly one sex scenario in their head by which they can imagine successfully having sex with you. And, that's how I'm feeling. I believe that he still doesn't trust how I feel for him and him viciously throwing me under the bus has something to do with it. I'm not sure if he thinks I was hitting on his sh$$$ty coworker (who I have no attraction to and cannot stand) or that I'm playing some hot/cold game with him. I'm also wondering if his coworker (who is probably jealous) lied to him and he was so weak to believe his crappy coworker/friend. So, I guess it's "bro's before H's" going on here? Fine. Him and his bro can sit home and be each other's hand to hold. I mean, what he did to me was so low. I'm still upset that he could do a 180 on me like that. I thought I did more than enough to let him know that I'm into "him". I mean, I was so into him and it's like he didn't even notice. Oh well, he decided hurting me was more important...he made his choice. I'm praying he wises up and fixes this. I was telling my gf about it and she says its in his hands now. He said he was "sorry", and now I'm waiting to see if he fixes this. But I'm scared of him now. I don't know if I could ever trust him again. If he could do a 180 on me like that, more than likely I think he'll do it again. And, I don't get what he could be insecure about. "Him" is why I got the bravado to chat him up and the more I chatted him up, the more I liked. I don't know why he hangs with that coworker and considers him a friend. They do not seem like birds of a feather. That's what hurts even more. I really liked so much about him, but guess that under all that he isn't the same person. I also wonder if this is not about insecurities and about him having someone else? If that's the case, I could see where he wants to look at me from a distance cuz he probably is on the fence about his SO. Maybe he wanted to see how he can have both of us in his life? If that's the case, why not lay out your cards on the table and say what's on your mind? Well, then maybe he just enjoys staring at me and had/has no plans of leaving whomever he's with? My gfs are telling me never ever speak to him again. I'm praying that he's not an insecure and miserable person and this is just a misunderstanding, and that he fixes this. I have a real pit in my stomach. I'm trying so hard to just not think about it. It's hard for me to trust people, and again, I was let down Edited December 18, 2016 by Gloria25
preraph Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 Listen to your gut. Those instincts are survival instincts.
NuevoYorko Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 I'm confused. Is this a guy you've had a relationship and some kind of blow up with, who is now lurking around you? Or a guy you haven't had any kind of thing with who is acting like he might be interested in you? If the first, what happened and why are your friends saying to never speak to him again?
Author Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 (edited) I'm confused. Is this a guy you've had a relationship and some kind of blow up with, who is now lurking around you? Or a guy you haven't had any kind of thing with who is acting like he might be interested in you? If the first, what happened and why are your friends saying to never speak to him again? This guy is an acquaintance and we struck up somewhat of a friendship. He's single, but has a gf. He said that although he had a gf, that he enjoyed talking to me and was gonna keep my contact info cuz maybe in the future.... He ended our "friendship" and told everyone within earshot that I was the one pursuing him and he wasn't interested. Well, I don't know what his exact words were - but he threw me under the bus is what I do know and now I'm in a bunch of trouble on top of that. I don't know what he was thinking when he said whatever he said. Not sure if he threw me under the bus cuz his envious "bro" may have said something to him and/or threatened to tell his gf. Or, maybe his "bro" told him that I was hitting on him? Before he threw me under the bus, we chatted on the regular and yes, he would be "lurking" around me. After I found out he threw me under the bus, he "lurked" and I spoke to him and on top of throwing me under the bus - he ran and told everyone (well, I think he did) that I tried to speak to him again even though I heard through the grapevine that he didn't want to have a thing to do with me. So, essentially, he not only threw me under the bus, but pulled up the bus to see if I would try to enter the bus, then he pulled the bus away and backed over me with the bus. So, I'm sitting here just wondering WTF/WTH?!? One moment we're cool, chatting, laughing, flirting, touchy/feely and him doing the regular lurking - next minute I'm this horrible stalker that he's been trying to stop from annoying him. Again, I think his "bro" had something to do with it. When we'd be chatting, I'd catch his bro walking past us - as if he's checking out us chatting. And, the day the hammer was dropped on me, I was looking for dude and asked his "bro" how he was doing and "bro" looked like he wanted to just spit in my face. Whatever...if he wants to choose saving his own butt and saving face with his "bro" and diss me - more power to the both of them. I mean, even "if" his bro was gonna rat him out to his gf, dude could've handled it better without throwing me under the bus. I'm sitting here hoping he'll come forward and simply tell necessary peeps that me and him had a misunderstanding and now that we both have clarity - time to move forward, cuz he really got me in some hot water that I can't go into details on here...WTF/WTH was he thinking. Edited December 20, 2016 by Gloria25 1
preraph Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Well, if he's got a girlfriend, then it sounds more like he's just trying not to make you come in closer than what I said earlier. Avoiding. I mean, that doesn't mean he isn't attracted, but maybe he's just decided he's playing with fire and doesn't want to mess up his relationship and sensed you might be hard to slow down! Anyway, if he's dissing you to other people and you're sure about that, well, that's uncalled for and not nice. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Well, if he's got a girlfriend, then it sounds more like he's just trying not to make you come in closer than what I said earlier. Avoiding. I mean, that doesn't mean he isn't attracted, but maybe he's just decided he's playing with fire and doesn't want to mess up his relationship and sensed you might be hard to slow down! Anyway, if he's dissing you to other people and you're sure about that, well, that's uncalled for and not nice. Well, he needs to grow up and speak his mind. I mean, he'd say, like 'I'm seeing someone, but you're 'ok'. When I'd say I was kinda uncomfy about us chatting and I didn't wanna disrespect his RL, he'd say, 'you're ok'. So WTF does 'you're ok' mean? Then, you're gonna go around and tell everyone that I was after you? Pleeze I told him that we're all adults and that I'm trying to feel him out. I'd also say how I didn't want kids, not sure what he was looking for relationship wise and all he would say is 'I understand' or 'you're ok'. The only clear thing I got from him is that he said he wouldn't date two people at the same time. But, the way he was acting, I wasn't sure if he was trying to see how he sneak in seeing me on the side w/o his gf finding out. Again, we're all adults. He should've just said what's on his mind....period.
Sweetfish Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 This guy is an acquaintance and we struck up somewhat of a friendship. He's single, but has a gf. He said that although he had a gf, that he enjoyed talking to me and was gonna keep my contact info cuz maybe in the future.... He ended our "friendship" and told everyone within earshot that I was the one pursuing him and he wasn't interested. Well, I don't know what his exact words were - but he threw me under the bus is what I do know and now I'm in a bunch of trouble on top of that. I don't know what he was thinking when he said whatever he said. Not sure if he threw me under the bus cuz his envious "bro" may have said something to him and/or threatened to tell his gf. Or, maybe his "bro" told him that I was hitting on him? Before he threw me under the bus, we chatted on the regular and yes, he would be "lurking" around me. After I found out he threw me under the bus, he "lurked" and I spoke to him and on top of throwing me under the bus - he ran and told everyone (well, I think he did) that I tried to speak to him again even though I heard through the grapevine that he didn't want to have a thing to do with me. So, essentially, he not only threw me under the bus, but pulled up the bus to see if I would try to enter the bus, then he pulled the bus away and backed over me with the bus. So, I'm sitting here just wondering WTF/WTH?!? One moment we're cool, chatting, laughing, flirting, touchy/feely and him doing the regular lurking - next minute I'm this horrible stalker that he's been trying to stop from annoying him. Again, I think his "bro" had something to do with it. When we'd be chatting, I'd catch his bro walking past us - as if he's checking out us chatting. And, the day the hammer was dropped on me, I was looking for dude and asked his "bro" how he was doing and "bro" looked like he wanted to just spit in my face. Whatever...if he wants to choose saving his own butt and saving face with his "bro" and diss me - more power to the both of them. I mean, even "if" his bro was gonna rat him out to his gf, dude could've handled it better without throwing me under the bus. I'm sitting here hoping he'll come forward and simply tell necessary peeps that me and him had a misunderstanding and now that we both have clarity - time to move forward, cuz he really got me in some hot water that I can't go into details on here...WTF/WTH was he thinking. Sounds like he is showing cluster B type personality defense mechanism aka Narcissism.
NuevoYorko Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Sounds like he is showing cluster B type personality defense mechanism aka Narcissism. I don't get that at all. What it looks like to me is that the OP struck up a friendly rapport with an attached man, she got wrong ideas, crossed boundaries, so the guy cut off the friendship. Happens all the time. 2
Sweetfish Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I don't get that at all. What it looks like to me is that the OP struck up a friendly rapport with an attached man, she got wrong ideas, crossed boundaries, so the guy cut off the friendship. Happens all the time. You don't throw people under the bus and spread roamers.. is that normal to you? 1
LexiCat29 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 You don't throw people under the bus and spread roamers.. is that normal to you? But the OP admitted that she's not sure if he spread any rumors..so..she doesn't actually know if the guy threw her under the bus. I agree with Nuevo Yorko, I think perhaps the OP got the wrong idea about his interest in her as more than a friend so he backed off and it hurt her feelings, understandably. Rejection hurts. 3
Author Gloria25 Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 But the OP admitted that she's not sure if he spread any rumors..so..she doesn't actually know if the guy threw her under the bus. I agree with Nuevo Yorko, I think perhaps the OP got the wrong idea about his interest in her as more than a friend so he backed off and it hurt her feelings, understandably. Rejection hurts. Yeah, I still don't know what's what and can't speak to him right now. But, I do kinda feel I came on a bit stronger than he was ready for so he backed off.
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