lovestinkss Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now and we are not in a relationship nor have we had any talks of exclusivity but I feel bad about his current situation. I am typically a giver and I went out and bought his 2 smaller kids an outfit, one pair of pajamas, socks, bubbles, and 2 small toys each. He has never met my son and I dont want them to meet anytime soon. He just started back working about 3 months ago and I can tell he is still struggling financially with supporting 4 kids, child support, rent, food, etc. I thought it would be a nice gesture but I dont want to appear as though Im buying his love nor do I want to be taken for granted. He does not know I've done this but I'm having seconds thoughts about whether i should give them presents or not. He has never bought me anything nor has he taken me out and vice versa. Should I give his kids the presents or take them back to the store? Thanks!
phineas Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 take the gifts back and get things like sidewalk chalk or other craft type stuff that doesn't cost much. clothes are a little too much i'd think. I've had women do little things for my kids also and it was cool. It just told me they were nice people. only you can tell if this guy would feel weird about this. also buying his love? IDK most men i know can be bought with home cooked meals and lots of oral sex so i think you don't have to worry about buying his kids little things.
dpass Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 For my GF, Easter and Christmas are big holidays and they do gifts. They are basically the same for what you'd give. On Easter we had been together for 3 months or so. I got him a small $20 present. It was a car, nothing special or extravagant. Come Christmas we will have been together for almost a year. This year there was a big purchase he wanted and I went half/half with my GF. It's for him, it has nothing to do with the GF or buying love. I wouldn't have felt comfortable making a big purchase that early on but now it's fine. If he has 4 kids, I don't think it's fair to only buy for the 2 younger ones. That is an uneven balance and you don't want the older ones to see it as unfair. How are you seeing each other for 2 months if he has never taken you out? Dates don't have to be expensive, or even cost money. Also, ask him if he is comfortable with you buying each of the kids a small present. If the kids don't know about you, he most likely won't want that.
clia Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Take them back to the store. He's never taken you on a date and is not your boyfriend. It's totally inappropriate to buy his kids a Christmas gift. 4
Author lovestinkss Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 Thanks all. I'm taking them back today. 1
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Thanks all. I'm taking them back today. Yes, I am joining everyone in support to return everything. I would not buy them anything, this is not an official relationship and for all you know he could be gone in a week. It's sad he's struggling BUT as long as you're not his girlfriend it is HIS struggle.
Miss Peach Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I'm in a slightly different situation since I see my BF 3-4 times per week and we've had that conversation but we've been dating 2.5 months. He asked about getting my kiddo a toy (they haven't met) and I told him not to worry about it. She has no idea he even exists right now so no reason to explain where the present came from. If it's something small like a cookie or a small toy ($5 or under) then it wouldn't be a big deal because I could just say it came from my friend she hasn't met. She knows my coworkers and friends will give me small things to pass onto her all the time. But clothing, toys, etc. seem like too much even though you're in a giving mood IMO.
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