Ex called me after 1 year

[Bromeo]

Evil,

 

Brother I hear you. I was angry too. But that anger only shows you are still holding on. Recompense does not equate to healing.

 

After all this time, does it really matter? My dad suffers from severe PTSD, and cannot let go of anything. He holds grudges from three decades back. And it wears on his mental health. The negative energy is toxic and unhealthy, and wears like sandpaper on the soul.

 

Forgive her, forgive yourself, and move on.

[EvilLawStudent]

see where I'm coming from is you can't forgive toxic people then you allow them to think that what they have done is ok? I never disrespected her after our breakup and now. I told her we're not compatible and she needs to pay me my money and piss off.

 

Holding grudges does not do anything for yourself but you don't show the person who hurt you that it's okay I forgive you for what you've done to me because realistically it hurt me but I managed to move on and keep my head up high.

 

You can't allow toxic people to feel good about what they have done by showing them mercy and forgiving them chances are they will do it again to someone else or even to you again.

[TheWhittler]

She owes me $2000 but my mental health is more important, it's been a whole year and now she shoots me a text after her sugar daddy directed her to the back door.

 

I don't think you should reply.

 

If you do. Tell her unless its to discuss her paying you back you do not ever want to hear from her again.

 

But I think you need to ignore her and stay away. I think if you speak to her all that old anxiety will come back again and you will be a mess. For the simple reason you still care. When my ex calls me if I feel like it I pick up. If not I don't bother. Simple as. Because I don't care.

[GorillaTheater]

see where I'm coming from is you can't forgive toxic people then you allow them to think that what they have done is ok? I never disrespected her after our breakup and now. I told her we're not compatible and she needs to pay me my money and piss off.

 

Holding grudges does not do anything for yourself but you don't show the person who hurt you that it's okay I forgive you for what you've done to me because realistically it hurt me but I managed to move on and keep my head up high.

 

You can't allow toxic people to feel good about what they have done by showing them mercy and forgiving them chances are they will do it again to someone else or even to you again.

 

 

Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. You never have to tell her that she's forgiven, or even speak to her again (in fact, it would be wise not to).

 

 

You're going to spend your entire career fighting and arguing and dealing with jerks and crappy situations. You can't take it personally or it will eat you alive. Same principal here.

[Bromeo]

Life is about learning, being happy, and loving. It will be a balance of love and pain.

 

Being centered and balanced, moving forward, and letting go is more important than holding onto that negative energy.

 

Its hard to do, damn is it hard. But you will heal quicker.

 

When we point one finger, three fingers point back at ourselves. My ex taught me that one. Ironic as she didn't listen to it at all.

[LargoLagg]

see where I'm coming from is you can't forgive toxic people then you allow them to think that what they have done is ok?

This is the error you make. You're not in charge of what she thinks. The fact is by blocking her, she will probably just double down in her opinion that you're a jerk. Or, she may be very remorseful. That's not up to you. It's really not even up to her, if you think about it. She's going to feel how she feels about the whole thing, and your actions will make little difference.

 

By attempting to punish her, you're hanging on, plain and simple. When you forgive her, you're letting go. There's really no other way to describe it. You may not be prepared to do that today, but believe me, that's where you want to end up.

I never disrespected her after our breakup and now. I told her we're not compatible and she needs to pay me my money and piss off.

 

Holding grudges does not do anything for yourself but you don't show the person who hurt you that it's okay I forgive you for what you've done to me because realistically it hurt me but I managed to move on and keep my head up high.

 

You can't allow toxic people to feel good about what they have done by showing them mercy and forgiving them chances are they will do it again to someone else or even to you again.

No offense, but this is some real BOO-HOO thinking right here. The only thing you can guarantee is that she won't do it to you again. If you do that, it's enough. You can't be on a crusade to make her a better person.

[Been]

DONT contact her anymore. Your never going to get anymore money from her.

She destroyed you and didn't care. She's only calling because more then likely her current relationship didn't workout.

Forgive -no. She did too much to forgive.

[AT15]

I may be alone in this, but I think she is trying to make a past wrong right.

 

And Evil, you admit to not being a particularly good person before all this happened...you highlight how you used to put women down?

 

If she deserves Karma coming back at her, why would Karma skip you? Maybe she was your karma?

 

i hope you continue to heal and reflect...<3

[bluefeather]

I don't think you should reply.

 

He already did. I think you should actually read the thread before responding!

 

 

Ok so she reached out to you, and gave you over a thousand dollars to repay you, and then you hung up on her and blocked her and are now saying that you are happy she is suffering...

 

Have I got that right?

[lolablue17]

Dear OP

 

Reading you makes me feel that you don't leverage this event to your own growth and improvement.

 

The facts don't matter, but when you take no responsibility to your situation, it points that maybe you haven't learned much for the future. She is responsible for her cheating and hurting you. But you have great amount of responsibility to your situation.

 

You hgot your karma now, great! Now, use it to try to grow higher from all of this. Try to think what you could have done differently, mainly after the break up. Understanding your mistakes will help you to avoid panic attacks in the future in case of being hurt again.

[LD1990]

Ok so she reached out to you, and gave you over a thousand dollars to repay you, and then you hung up on her and blocked her and are now saying that you are happy she is suffering...

 

Have I got that right?

 

Was he supposed to stay on the phone listening to her whine about her problems? It's not like she was doing him some big favor here. She took the guy for 2 grand and then blocked him. There are people buried out in the desert for less than that.

[Sweetfish]

see where I'm coming from is you can't forgive toxic people then you allow them to think that what they have done is ok? I never disrespected her after our breakup and now. I told her we're not compatible and she needs to pay me my money and piss off.

 

Holding grudges does not do anything for yourself but you don't show the person who hurt you that it's okay I forgive you for what you've done to me because realistically it hurt me but I managed to move on and keep my head up high.

 

You can't allow toxic people to feel good about what they have done by showing them mercy and forgiving them chances are they will do it again to someone else or even to you again.

 

You did right... i believe the money means nothing to you.. its more that she though she found better and it bit her...

The money was just a bonus and is no where near enough to repay the damages.

[umirano]

Could we please stop pretending karma is a real thing?

 

I'm sorry OP to hear your story. She sounds like a train wreck. I am happy to hear you're better and I hop she too will one day be a better person.

 

Become indifferent to her, she's not worth your time anymore. But hoping for this obscure concept of karma to make things 'right' is quite childish. Karma is a fairytale like Santa. Deal with it.

[Satu]

It sounds like the grass on the other side wasn't as green as expected.

[Lifeissomething]

This is the error you make. You're not in charge of what she thinks. The fact is by blocking her, she will probably just double down in her opinion that you're a jerk. Or, she may be very remorseful. That's not up to you. It's really not even up to her, if you think about it. She's going to feel how she feels about the whole thing, and your actions will make little difference.

 

By attempting to punish her, you're hanging on, plain and simple. When you forgive her, you're letting go. There's really no other way to describe it. You may not be prepared to do that today, but believe me, that's where you want to end up.No offense, but this is some real BOO-HOO thinking right here. The only thing you can guarantee is that she won't do it to you again. If you do that, it's enough. You can't be on a crusade to make her a better person.

 

Who cares if she thinks he's a jerk? She screwed him over, why does it matter if she likes him or not? So let me get this straight. Not only should we forgive people that screw us over, but we should care what they think? "Hey bully, I forgive you for punching me in the face, but I also hope you like me!!!" I can't say agree with this. Boo Hoo on that.

 

OP can still become indifferent, just as I can be indifferent to certain people, but one would have to be foolishly naive to forgive and forget. It's that mindset that leads people constantly getting screwed over. IE. person A does something horrible to person B, the latter who decides to forgive person A. Then Person B does it again, and again.

 

But right, one can only move on by forgiving...bull. I'm perfectly happy with my grudges, and it has set a tone that if people screw me once it doesn't happen again. I'd rather that than being a pushover living a fake, blissful fairytale of "forgive!! forgive! forgive! everyone can be happy!"

 

There's horrible people out there that will do horrible things. Life's too short to mindlessly forgive. How about people should realize there's something call consequences. Save forgiveness for the people that deserve it, not lame ex-gf's that acted poorly.

[bluefeather]

Was he supposed to stay on the phone listening to her whine about her problems? It's not like she was doing him some big favor here. She took the guy for 2 grand and then blocked him. There are people buried out in the desert for less than that.

 

Depending on how/if he can answer my q., I will respond to that.

[LargoLagg]

Who cares if she thinks he's a jerk? She screwed him over, why does it matter if she likes him or not? So let me get this straight. Not only should we forgive people that screw us over, but we should care what they think? "Hey bully, I forgive you for punching me in the face, but I also hope you like me!!!" I can't say agree with this. Boo Hoo on that.

No, we shouldn't care what they think. We should understand that no matter what we do, in the realm of romance, it doesn't matter what we do. They will love us, or they won't. It is out of our control and it is out of theirs. So, we can do one of two things. We can either hang on, whether by means of treachery, pining, anger, whatever. Or we can let go and not care. The first step to not caring is to forgive someone. Why? Because the act of forgiveness is to let go of the wrong. That's all I meant to say.

OP can still become indifferent, just as I can be indifferent to certain people, but one would have to be foolishly naive to forgive and forget.

I said forgive, not forget.

It's that mindset that leads people constantly getting screwed over. IE. person A does something horrible to person B, the latter who decides to forgive person A. Then Person B does it again, and again.

That's true when you forget. It is not necessarily true if you simply forgive. If you forgive and still issue the consequences, A will not have the opportunity to screw B over. Forgiving does not mean going back to where you were.

But right, one can only move on by forgiving...bull. I'm perfectly happy with my grudges, and it has set a tone that if people screw me once it doesn't happen again. I'd rather that than being a pushover living a fake, blissful fairytale of "forgive!! forgive! forgive! everyone can be happy!"

If you read your words above, you will hopefully see that they don't sound "happy." So, let's examine that. I have an old GF who didn't like that I didn't want to marry, and to punish me, she cheated on me, which, despite my stance on marriage, hurt me quite a bit. When she and I talked about it, I understood why she did it. It was a crappy thing to do, but I understood it. The consequence was that I was gone, no looking back. But, it stopped bothering me three months later, and it doesn't bother me now. If I were to ever see her again, I'd greet her warmly. I don't care. YOU, on the other hand, I take it that you would huff and puff and be angry because of your grudge. I'd be happy to see her. You wouldn't. That's the difference. That might work for you, and personally, I don't care if you do it that way, but let's not kid ourselves by telling everybody how "happy" we are.

 

There's horrible people out there that will do horrible things. Life's too short to mindlessly forgive. How about people should realize there's something call consequences. Save forgiveness for the people that deserve it, not lame ex-gf's that acted poorly.

Life's too short not to forgive. Otherwise, you'll carry everybody's every little slight to you on your back for the rest of your days. That's quite a burden. Whether you know it or not, you forgive people every day for the sh*t that we all do. You just need to expand your boundaries, that's all.

 

I forgive you for your intolerance of wrongs perpetrated against you.

[EvilLawStudent]

Forgiveness is a big thing especially for those who hurt you? you're saying it's okay she stepped on your heart put you through hell its alright just forgive. Hell naaaaah with that mindset people will walk all over you we live in a corrupted generation people are not nice anymore they use and abuse once they get what they want they will destroy you, you say life is to short to hold grudges? that doesn't change the fact that life is still short.

[Lifeissomething]

No, we shouldn't care what they think. We should understand that no matter what we do, in the realm of romance, it doesn't matter what we do. They will love us, or they won't. It is out of our control and it is out of theirs. So, we can do one of two things. We can either hang on, whether by means of treachery, pining, anger, whatever. Or we can let go and not care. The first step to not caring is to forgive someone. Why? Because the act of forgiveness is to let go of the wrong. That's all I meant to say.I said forgive, not forget.That's true when you forget. It is not necessarily true if you simply forgive. If you forgive and still issue the consequences, A will not have the opportunity to screw B over. Forgiving does not mean going back to where you were.If you read your words above, you will hopefully see that they don't sound "happy." So, let's examine that. I have an old GF who didn't like that I didn't want to marry, and to punish me, she cheated on me, which, despite my stance on marriage, hurt me quite a bit. When she and I talked about it, I understood why she did it. It was a crappy thing to do, but I understood it. The consequence was that I was gone, no looking back. But, it stopped bothering me three months later, and it doesn't bother me now. If I were to ever see her again, I'd greet her warmly. I don't care. YOU, on the other hand, I take it that you would huff and puff and be angry because of your grudge. I'd be happy to see her. You wouldn't. That's the difference. That might work for you, and personally, I don't care if you do it that way, but let's not kid ourselves by telling everybody how "happy" we are.Life's too short not to forgive. Otherwise, you'll carry everybody's every little slight to you on your back for the rest of your days. That's quite a burden. Whether you know it or not, you forgive people every day for the sh*t that we all do. You just need to expand your boundaries, that's all.

 

I forgive you for your intolerance of wrongs perpetrated against you.

 

To each their own.

 

You mistake or confuse holding onto grudges to carrying every grudge. Holding grudges isn't an all or nothing situation, where you either have no grudges, or carry every grudge imaginable--there's a middle ground. You're right, I forgive people all the time just as they forgive me. I also am not going out of my way to do bad things. Don't mistake all actions as equal. Am I grudging over the guy that cut me off or the starbucks person who gets my name wrong? No. If I'm a great bf and my partner cheats on me, am I going to hold the grudge? Absolutely. People speak with their actions. I have no time for bad people in my life.

 

Good for you in regards to your ex girlfriend. That must have been hard.

If it was me, I would have expressed my chagrin and we probably would never speak again. No point in huffing and puffing, but every point to just ignore her or if communication is necessary, keep it at an absolute, cold minimum. You say expanding boundaries, I say sucker. It's okay I forgive you.

 

If you did business with someone and they ripped you off, why would you want to continue business with them, or any further communication? Relationships where forgiveness is required (usually result of abuse or cheating) are similar, I mean I get if kids are involved or something, but otherwise, see ya.

[Philosoraptor]

Forgiveness is a big thing especially for those who hurt you? you're saying it's okay she stepped on your heart put you through hell its alright just forgive. Hell naaaaah with that mindset people will walk all over you we live in a corrupted generation people are not nice anymore they use and abuse once they get what they want they will destroy you, you say life is to short to hold grudges? that doesn't change the fact that life is still short.

 

Forgiveness needs to be an internal thing, not necessarily something you need to go out of your way to tell others.

 

You can both forgive someone and learn from your experience.

[bluefeather]

Forgiveness is a big thing especially for those who hurt you? you're saying it's okay she stepped on your heart put you through hell its alright just forgive. Hell naaaaah with that mindset people will walk all over you we live in a corrupted generation people are not nice anymore they use and abuse once they get what they want they will destroy you, you say life is to short to hold grudges? that doesn't change the fact that life is still short.

 

It seems like you are still very hurt by what happened to you :/

 

Ok, well to go off of what you were talking about before, about karma - Just be careful that karma doesn't come for you too if you are relishing the suffering of someone else. I hope you feel better and keep healing. Peace.