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A couple will never be more exciting to each other than when they met, unless . . .

JHandy

By JHandy
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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JHandy Established Member

JHandy

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just tossing this thought out there. One thing I see common in many of these threads is how a marriage spirals out of control.

 

I've been married twice and had a couple other girlfriends that didn't work out. The common thing is, the "she" at the time and me had sparks flying at the beginning and then the sparks start flickering out as time passes.

 

I love my current marriage and I don't want to have the sparks flicker out. We've known each other for over 5 years in what has been a great ride so far. I just don't want that to end, and I believe it can last to the end.

 

How do you or people you know keep their sparks flying?

 

How do you keep your husband or wife hot for you?

 

How does your husband or wife keep him or her hot for you?

 

If a new need made your mind venture outside your marriage, would you like your spouse satisfy that need?

 

Does conventional things work or do you need to break out?

 

Is your spouse also your fling?

 

I think it would be cool to share how we all keep the fires burning long after we all said "I do!"

Edited by JHandy
Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

Posted
Posted

Things stay exciting when you build together, whilst still being able to remain an individual. Being able to bond and share new things together, without it becoming suffocating. Dating, without getting into too much of a routine.

 

If what you're doing is working, keep at it. If not, then change it up. It really all comes down to being able to recognize things and being able to work at what you want.

What-2-Do Established Member

What-2-Do

Posted
Posted

I honestly think a lot of the issue comes from outside forces. Things like stress, money issues, children, etc cause more issues than anything else. If you can keep the outside stressors out then things should remain great.

MJJean Established Member

MJJean

Posted
Posted

I think the key is to find someone that you share a mutual physical (chemical, not necessarily aesthetic) attraction to AND that is compatible in other key ways. Once you've got that, the rest is about openness, honesty, good communication, and imagination/creativity sexually and in terms of hobbies and activities.

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Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I think it would be cool to share how we all keep the fires burning long after we all said "I do!"

 

One key is a willingness for both partners to allow the sexual relationship to evolve. Our sexual "menu" is now a five course meal compared to the rather vanilla sex we had initially. Enthusiasm makes up for any of a number of other shortcomings...

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 3
BettyDraper Established Member

BettyDraper

Posted
Posted

Frequent sex, trying new things in the bedroom, a sense of playfulness and embracing new experiences together all help keep the spark alive. Each spouse has to be committed to growth as a couple and keeping the passion burning though.

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LargoLagg Established Member

LargoLagg

Posted
Posted

I think that whether it's two years or five or ten or more, it all boils down to one simple thing - forever is a damn long time.

 

You're lucky if you can feel "sparks" during your entire marriage. Most people I know go through periods of really disliking their spouses. I suspect society made the bonds socially, legally and morally strong so that you don't bolt just because things get a little testy every now and again.

 

What you fear is normal. What you desire is probably a fantasy.

 

That said, if you chose well, you'll have someone you'd always rather live with than live without.

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aileD Established Member

aileD

Posted
Posted

Here is a great video that helped me and H understand the stages of love. This video was a great help in us staying together after his affair because we saw the stages and know where we got stuck and why and saw we could get thru it and onto the other side

 

https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=Yne-8lvOHtY

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted

I have never known a married couple in person (ok maybe one) who had a vibrant or even decent sex life after years and kids.

 

There appears to be a few her on LS however... one tossed in swinging for periods later in their marriage to keep the sparks going.

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
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Express your desires and needs freely. Have fun explore things together. Remember and hold onto those things that created a spark and a passion between you two.

 

My husband and I do not have children so it makes it easier for us to invest time in each other. We do lots of date nights, explore naughty new sexual experiences.

 

Right now he is sending me dirty pictures from our romp last night, the perfect thing to titillate me on my commute home.

  • Like 2
JohnAdams Established Member

JohnAdams

Posted
Posted

We have kept it very exciting over the years. Mrs. JA has even said many times that I only stayed for the sex, which is not true. I am sure there is another reason.

 

First, we have always been open to new things. We are also both pleasers.

 

Our honeymoon phase lasted a long time in itself. We married young and went at it like rabbits. Also a couple of separations due to military duty kept it hot.

 

After we went through the raise the kids phase, once again we kept it going with different things. We started going on nice vacations, nude vacations, and enjoying each other.

 

We have enjoyed porn together, she has always dressed sexy for me, she has been my muse. We are good with experimenting and are willing to try things with the exception of sharing (swinging).

 

So, we have always kept it exciting and still do. I still find my wife very exciting. We still have sex almost every night I am home. We always do fun things together. We just enjoy life and each other, it does not get any better than that:)

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Aesc Established Member

Aesc

Posted
Posted (edited)
Frequent sex, trying new things in the bedroom, a sense of playfulness and embracing new experiences together all help keep the spark alive. Each spouse has to be committed to growth as a couple and keeping the passion burning though.

 

I concur. Very good advice.

Edited by Aesc
oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted
I honestly think a lot of the issue comes from outside forces. Things like stress, money issues, children, etc cause more issues than anything else. If you can keep the outside stressors out then things should remain great.

 

Stress, money issues, children etc etc are all a part of life. They can not be eliminated nor kept out.

 

That is like saying oxygen leads to deterioration of the cells which ultimately leads to death so stop breathing in oxygen.

 

Stress, bills, children, health issues, employment issues etc are what makes us human.

 

People that have healthy sex lives are people who have sex in spite of the stressors - not people who have managed to keep them away (and there isn't anyone who has kept stress away. I'm just saying that people have sex in spite of it, not due to it's absence)

oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

Posted
Posted
I have never known a married couple in person (ok maybe one) who had a vibrant or even decent sex life after years and kids.

 

There appears to be a few her on LS however... one tossed in swinging for periods later in their marriage to keep the sparks going.

 

We were into swinging for a good number of years, but it really wasn't to keep the spark alive per se. It was just something that was mutually fun and exciting and stuff to do.

 

It's kind of a matter of semantics. It was fun and exciting and it was a positive force in our marriage. But it wasn't a ploy to bring back sparks in and of it'self.

 

It was something that came up and we talked about it (for about a year or so) and decided it was something we wanted to try.

 

I do not recommend it as any kind of therapy or as any kind of tool to address any kind of problem. If there are actual problems, swinging will only accentual and intensify the problems.

dichotomy Established Member

dichotomy

Posted
Posted
We were into swinging for a good number of years, but it really wasn't to keep the spark alive per se. It was just something that was mutually fun and exciting and stuff to do.

 

It's kind of a matter of semantics. It was fun and exciting and it was a positive force in our marriage. But it wasn't a ploy to bring back sparks in and of it'self.

 

It was something that came up and we talked about it (for about a year or so) and decided it was something we wanted to try.

 

I do not recommend it as any kind of therapy or as any kind of tool to address any kind of problem. If there are actual problems, swinging will only accentual and intensify the problems.

 

 

I misunderstood, I guess I was remembering (right ?) that recently your wife was kind of off sex with you - menopause complaints or something and you kind of jumped back in with some couples ? and it restarted her drive for you ? Again maybe I am remembering it wrong but it was short instance if I am remembering.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

The biggest, for me, is appreciation. I have this man, he is mine, all mine, he is sexy and masculine and completely devoted to me and our kids. How could I now want to be his tigress?

 

His attitude is the same, and it shows.

 

Research shows that pursuing our own passions, and seeing each other when we are exhibiting mastery, also peaks arousal. Again, I believe appreciation plays a role. It doesn't hurt if others are also admiring in the moment. Yes, admire, but he's all mine :bunny:

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