She seemed interested, then said no. To give up or not?

[Penciller]

Been going out with this woman (divorced, early 40s) for a couple of months. A few weeks ago, I told her I really like her and would like to start dating. She seemed interested, even excited. I told her we can take it slow and her busy schedule won't need to change; that we'll try to meet up more and just go from there. She readily agreed and said she was glad that I was honest and upfront. We're both in our 40s, so I assumed no time for games and communication is key. I kissed her that night.

 

She then went on a family trip. A few weeks later, we met for dinner and had a good time. At the end of the evening I brought up the topic again and casually joke-ask if she was still 'onboard'. To my shock, she said she doesn't want a r'ship and prefers to focus on her career. She said she didn't really text me during her trip because she didn't miss me much and don't want to lead me on. I said this wasn't the message I got a month ago, and if she wasn't interested she should have been upfront. She said it wasn't that there's no interest, it's just that...then trailed off. She said another bunch of stuff about not wanting to get married (I didn't even bring it up) etc etc.

 

She didn't express all this quite well and frankly it wasn't super convincing but I took it at face value and accepted it. Sent her home and wished her the best. What's upsetting is that if I hadn't brought it up, I'd never have known and just assumed that we have something going on. And we'd have just met every now and then, with her thinking it's friendly while I assume we're dating.

 

It seemed simple on the surface - she's not ready to be in a r'ship (with me or not. she's been single for some years) and changed her mind after realising her feelings, if any, for me aren't strong.

 

I stopped contact, removed her social media feed and is moving on, but still thinking about her a lot. Should I reach out to her again later?

[salparadise]

I stopped contact, removed her social media feed and is moving on, but still thinking about her a lot. Should I reach out to her again later?

 

 

No. She told you what you needed to know. Why would you invest time and emotional energy in someone who has already told you she's not interested? Even if she were to keep seeing you, all you'd have is a lukewarm woman who would probably throw you over for the next guy to come along, or just quit for no particular reason after wasting more of your time. And how much satisfaction would there really be in spending time with someone who has already blown you off and told you they aren't really interested?

 

You did the right thing by removing her from social media. Now move on and find someone who is enthusiastic and willing to be all in.

[Erik30]

You just saved yourself some time by bringing that up. She probably would've ended it anyway. Seems like she only wanted something casual.

Don't contact her anymore and try to find someone else.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Been going out with this woman (divorced, early 40s) for a couple of months. A few weeks ago, I told her I really like her and would like to start dating. She seemed interested, even excited. I told her we can take it slow and her busy schedule won't need to change; that we'll try to meet up more and just go from there. She readily agreed and said she was glad that I was honest and upfront. We're both in our 40s, so I assumed no time for games and communication is key. I kissed her that night.

 

She then went on a family trip. A few weeks later, we met for dinner and had a good time. At the end of the evening I brought up the topic again and casually joke-ask if she was still 'onboard'. To my shock, she said she doesn't want a r'ship and prefers to focus on her career. She said she didn't really text me during her trip because she didn't miss me much and don't want to lead me on. I said this wasn't the message I got a month ago, and if she wasn't interested she should have been upfront. She said it wasn't that there's no interest, it's just that...then trailed off. She said another bunch of stuff about not wanting to get married (I didn't even bring it up) etc etc.

 

She didn't express all this quite well and frankly it wasn't super convincing but I took it at face value and accepted it. Sent her home and wished her the best. What's upsetting is that if I hadn't brought it up, I'd never have known and just assumed that we have something going on. And we'd have just met every now and then, with her thinking it's friendly while I assume we're dating.

 

It seemed simple on the surface - she's not ready to be in a r'ship (with me or not. she's been single for some years) and changed her mind after realising her feelings, if any, for me aren't strong.

 

I stopped contact, removed her social media feed and is moving on, but still thinking about her a lot. Should I reach out to her again later?

 

I never got the whole "focus on career" thing, I mean, you only work so many hours per day/week....what, you don't date when you get off work/career?

 

What is there to focus on? Quite a lame excuse.

[kendahke]

Should I reach out to her again later?

 

What is the outcome that you have constructed in your mind, given the facts that have been laid out in front of you?

 

What is the outcome in reality, given how clear she was in her actions that she's not feeling it. If she wanted a friend, she'd have said so---but you don't want a friend, you want a lover and she doesn't want to be your lover.