jadesr Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 My boyfriend of a year left for 9 weeks in Europe with his family and then just with his sister for 2 weeks. If it is of any interest he is 19 and I'm 17 soon to be 18. It has so far been a week and I can't stop thinking about him and how much I miss him but he doesn't seem to miss me so much, we spent the 2 weeks prior to his leaving date together every Day and I suppose this has probably made it harder for me now. we can only talk in the morning and night for me, and due to school holidays for me I seem to be bored out of my mind regardless of how many friends I hang out with. I wait around in the mornings and of night just to receive a message from him and he calls me occasionally. When I tell him how I miss him he just ignores those messages and replies something differently, I just want him to express that he misses me and loves me and can't wait to get back to see me as I am counting down the days and more than excited for when he gets back. For this past week (well 6 days) it has felt like it has dragged on and I have cried most nights with the thought of bearing another 8 and the fact of what if he is losing interest. Is it too much for me to ask for him to feel the same way as I do? Is he losing interest or just preoccupied with his holiday? Do I need to not be the first one to message or leave messages all the time? Is leaving so many messages and telling him how much I miss him just annoying and pushing him away? And how do I make this time more bearable? I'm finding it really difficult to cope at the moment and I know it probably sounds ridiculous but the thought of losing him scares me, as I think maybe he has realised he is having more fun without me around? Any help and advice would be much appreciated, some days I am coping better than others but it is usually at night when I have so much time to think and reminisce of what it felt when we were physically together that gets me down the most.
Ronni_W Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 Is leaving so many messages and telling him how much I miss him just annoying and pushing him away? Yes...there is a very good chance of that. Why not try leaving fewer messages, and make them more about him? Examples: "I hope you're having a great time / having lots of really interesting and exciting experiences." Or, "Hey, honey - I'm looking forward to receiving some 'snail-mailed' postcards from some of the beautiful places you're visiting." It is more difficult for you, because you are still in the 'same old, same old'. For him, definitely his mind does not have the time to be stuck in the 'same old', because it has to be busy processing all the new stuff that it is encountering. But, that's a good thing - you do also care that he does grow and is enriched by this opportunity that he now has, to see some of the rest of the world, yes? The trick might be for you to find a few things that will enrich your own life; explore what you - personally and within - find meaningful, and then do some (or a lot) of that. It might be volunteering at a soup kitchen, or animal shelter, or children's wing of a hospital. Or taking up meditation or yoga, or learning how to knit or paint. Or even, creating your own blog. (Free YouTube tutorials and a free WordPress site.) So, now...you and your boyfriend are growing together - mutually and independently at the same time - and, when he gets home, you've done your part to keep the relationship ever-fresh and self-rejuvenating. Is, perhaps, a better way to go? (Notwithstanding that the specific examples herein might not reflect you in any way, shape or form. Follow your own heart, and let the 'True You' inspire yourself.) Hugs, and very best. Ronni
Author jadesr Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 Thank you Ronni for a constructive response. It is always comforting to hear some good advice as sometimes my friends just get sick of hearing me bring it up when all I feel I need to do is let go of some steam and gain some reassurance that it is okay. I feel if I was the one Away and travelling I would be much more emotionally stable, I think my mind gets the better of me and I overthink the situation from where him being active (online) and not yet message turns into thoughts of he's talking to another girl and his lost interest in me etc. I'll aim to send much fewer messages between when he is inactive and I'm active and focus them more on his trip and not me moping around at home. Kind regards Jade
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