barfool Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 So I've been with my bf for 6 years. He was my first boyfriend and first sexual experience. Recently I made the terrible mistake of getting drunk and giving in to a guys' flirtations. We ended up kissing and doing some heavy "petting." Since then I got back together with my boyfriend and we are working through this awful experience. The point is that I love my bf and am fairly happy with our relationship. But up until recently I never thought that other guys would be interested in me. The guy that I cheated with was incredibly intelligent and witty while my bf leaves much to be desired. This makes me wonder how fulfilling should a relationship be to make it a permanent one? My bf is a great guy, but there are a few areas that are important to me that he doesn't cover. I don't know if I should be out there dating other guys to find out and meanwhile lose a good thing. This seems like it might be a fairly common experience so I would love the input of those who have gone through this.
Samantha2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 The guy that I cheated with was incredibly intelligent and witty while my bf leaves much to be desired. Don't box yourself in. That break in your relationship allowed you to see there are other opportunities out there. Dont confine yourself !! Venture out and see what all is out there. I don't think you'd be "losing a good thing". Get out of the relationship and give yourself a life. Go for it !!
griftymcgriff Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 This whole break business really bugs me...Girls are really too complicated!
DonJuan` Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 barfool: no guy out there is PERFECT. No matter how "perfect" he might seem to you, he will never have ALL of the qualities that u would want. If you truly LOVE a person, you will love him for who he is, which is obviously something that you are having trouble doing... so before you get even more serious with the relationship, I would reccomend u sort yourself out, and quick, and let him know whats going on, and what u want to do. Another option is you can motivate him to better himself in area's that you dont think that he is "good enough" in so that in the future he will be at least close to being "perfect" in your eye's. Just my 2c
Outcast Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 but there are a few areas that are important to me that he doesn't cover There is a difference between not being perfect and missing some crucial qualities that you feel you need. I have settled before. It was a HUGE mistake. Settling for someone that you can't talk to will just leave you wanting someone else eventually. Only you can figure out how important those missing things are and how much you are willing to give them up.
Author barfool Posted July 17, 2005 Author Posted July 17, 2005 Thanks for the reply, everyone. I've got a lot to ponder...
Author barfool Posted July 21, 2005 Author Posted July 21, 2005 So, I've actually been talking to my bf the last few days about these issues. That's one of the great aspects of this relationship is that we have very open communication. I've told him I've been thinking of separating and that there is the possibility that I would date other people. Is it really wrong that I already have someone in mind? I'm starting to wonder if I'm "in love" with him or just love him as a human being and friend. I'm not even sure what "in love" is though. I would love to hear your opinions.
d'Arthez Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by barfool I've told him I've been thinking of separating and that there is the possibility that I would date other people. Is it really wrong that I already have someone in mind? It is not a possibility. But as likely to happen as the weather forecast of tomorrow. Be upfront with him, and you might have a chance to save this relationship, if things with the new guys don't work out, plus and more importantly, you make it easier for him to deal with everything. Your bf is not a backup plan, but a human being, so he might not be content with the role you assign him temporarily to find out what love is. It seems that this relationship has run its course. Best to be honest about it.
Outcast Posted July 21, 2005 Posted July 21, 2005 Does the future look bleak if you think about him not being in it? If he became obese or disfigured would you still love him? If the answers to both are 'no' then you're not likely 'in love'.
DonJuan` Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 If you already have someone else in mind, or having doubts, then I would suggest breaking up with him, exploring a bit, and if after a while you decide that HE is the one for you, and he is still available ad willing to take you back, then get back together with him. But staying with him with all these doubts and questions of "IS HE the one" and "what if" and "do i like another guy?" is NOT going to help you get anywhere. So yes, tell him that you need some space to sort yourself out and sort your feelings out because it will only be fair on the both of you. Its not fair to him if u are with him and thinking of other guys or having doubts.
Author barfool Posted July 22, 2005 Author Posted July 22, 2005 Thanks for the replies. I guess I have realized that I'm going to have to end it. It's just really scary because we've been together 6 years and we're best friends. We also own a lot of stuff together, so breaking up is going to be difficult not only emotionally. This could be the biggest mistake of my life. Or the best move, depending how you look at it.
DonJuan` Posted July 22, 2005 Posted July 22, 2005 Well if you are willing to end it in the first place, then obviously you dont love him enough. If you are sure that there is no way you could give HIM 100% of your love and attention, and there is NO way to "relight" that spark in the relationship between the 2 of you, then moving on would be the suggestible thing to do. Just dont expect to get back together after this, if you can see yourself living and loving another man for the rest of your life, and not ONLY him, then end it. In regards to who gets what, just be fair... and divide the stuff fairly, otherwise sell everything and split the money between the two of you. Best of luck, for whatever you do.
rookie416 Posted July 23, 2005 Posted July 23, 2005 You sound just like me 2 years ago. I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and is was my first in a lot of ways. I thought he was gold and perfect in every way. He was very cute and all the girls wanted him...so i was kinda on cloud nine for the longest time thinking i had a real good catch. I didnt think any other guys would ever be interested in me so i kind of "settled". Thinking this was the best i could do. Youve been with this guy for 6 years...you dont know anything different. I promise you there are guys out there that are attracted to you and you have no clue because they dont say anything since youve been with your man and they no youre off limits. Give yourself a chance...your guys is not the only guy out there and i promise you all the things that you like about your guy...theres someones else out there that does the same stuff..even better...and all the things that your guy doesnt do that you wish he did....theres someone out there that can fufill what you want...you just dont know that because your man is all you know... Theres nothing wrong with you being with your guy and im sure you love him..it just suck since hes your first and only thing you know...its hard for you to imagine that someone out there could be better for you. I was in you same position and i broke it off and have had the best 2 years of my life! been with a lot of guys and learned so many things i could have ever learned from my long time boyfriend... If i could tell you anything it would be get some time away from this guy, tell him you need some space to fully appreciate your time with him..whatever it takes to be away from him and get some life experience! Good luck
Author barfool Posted July 24, 2005 Author Posted July 24, 2005 Thanks again everyone. We separated the other day. I'm still not sure if I really want to break up or not. I've been given outside advice that if I'm not sure then I just shouldn't make that decision. Just tell him that I would like some time apart and date other people and if he determines that he would like to break up, then so be it. It really sucks but hopefully this is a step forward and not back. We've been together so long and all during my first steps into adult-hood, so I really haven't formed a separate identity from him and that relationship. So I guess now is me-time as selfish as that sounds.
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