kwhita1 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I can't seem to get over my ex and I have no idea why. First off, the guy is a JERK! He took advantage of me when we were together (he even admitted that to my face when he apologized to me a year after the break up). Not once has he wished me a Happy Birthday in the entire time that I've known him which severely ticks me off because he says Happy Birthday to ALL his ex's including the one he dated right after me that he called his rebound 'psychotic' ex. Secondly, we weren't even together a long time. We only dated for 8 months. He ended things with me suddenly and without a valid reason. To this day I still don't completely understand why it ended. The break up was in April 2014. It's worth mentioning that we've kept in contact occasionally since the break up. He's sent me a ton of texts over the years and we've seen each other a hand full of times. Last I saw him was Sept. 2016 but he text me about a week ago. The point is I don't understand why I even bother replying to his texts. Why do I still care? Why can't I go one day without thinking about him? He's had three girlfriends and one fiancée since he left me. He's in a new relationship right now. He never treated me with respect or care. He isn't good looking. I just want to be over him but it seems like no one can create the feelings I felt when I was with him. I went nearly a year without speaking to him or seeing him and it didn't make a difference; all it did was make me miss him more. How do I get past this? I don't wanna feel like this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 YOU don't want to be over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kwhita1 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Subconsciously perhaps. But I still don't understand why. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I can't seem to get over my ex and I have no idea why. First off, the guy is a JERK! He took advantage of me when we were together (he even admitted that to my face when he apologized to me a year after the break up). Not once has he wished me a Happy Birthday in the entire time that I've known him which severely ticks me off because he says Happy Birthday to ALL his ex's including the one he dated right after me that he called his rebound 'psychotic' ex. Secondly, we weren't even together a long time. We only dated for 8 months. He ended things with me suddenly and without a valid reason. To this day I still don't completely understand why it ended. The break up was in April 2014. It's worth mentioning that we've kept in contact occasionally since the break up. He's sent me a ton of texts over the years and we've seen each other a hand full of times. Last I saw him was Sept. 2016 but he text me about a week ago. The point is I don't understand why I even bother replying to his texts. Why do I still care? Why can't I go one day without thinking about him? . He's in a new relationship right now. He never treated me with respect or care. He isn't good looking. I just want to be over him but it seems like no one can create the feelings I felt when I was with him. I went nearly a year without speaking to him or seeing him and it didn't make a difference; all it did was make me miss him more. How do I get past this? I don't wanna feel like this anymore. He's had three girlfriends and one fiancée since he left me He never treated me with respect or care. -- And, you can see why he's had three girlfriends and a fiancée and in another relationship which probably won't last. no one can create the feelings I felt when I was with him. -- The feelings you were feeling when you were with him were not about HIM. You weren't in love with him, you were in love with having a relationship. It was your source of validation. You really, really need to get focused on just YOU for a long time. Three years and still feeling this way about a man who didn't respect or care for you properly is a serious problem. Find yourself a good therapist. It's time to face this head on and move on. You should also go NO CONTACT. Block and delete his number or change your phone number. You will not be able to move on if you continue to allow yourself to be triggered . . . Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 imo, this is your way of not taking on a new relationship, you need to plan a future, get our more, make some decisions, take a new step and block him, I think he just likes to be friends with exes, do not collude Link to post Share on other sites
Author kwhita1 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 I've been in a relationship now for two years with a wonderful guy. That's what makes this even harder. Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 You're hung up on the why part of this for some reason. My guess is because deep down inside, you know you let him treat you like crap with no consequences, and even though you gave him your dignity, he still didn't want you. You're probably a smart enough girl to be able to see that ultimately, this is exactly what did you in, and you have to come to grips with the idea that it was you who caused the breakup. His apology for treating you that way probably confused you. Obviously, how he treated you bothered him. He even thinks it was his fault, but you allowed it. Really, the fault was yours. One you take responsibility that, you'll be able to forgive yourself for how you acted, and him for how he treated you. Once you do that, you'll be able to move on, no problem. Anyway, that's my thinking. In the end, you've got to find a WHY that satisfies you or else this will always haunt you, or at best, you'll forget about it for a while. You already know that he's not the key to your happiness, so that's half the battle. It might also help for you to block his texts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 You will probably not be able to move on until you fully learn and embrace the lessons this rel was intended to teach you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 You have to stay no contact with him, otherwise you'll keep getting triggered. Even at 2 years + of nc I was still thinking of my ex. It took 3 good healing years to get over her and accept what happened. He doesn't sound like a good catch. You have to cut him out if you want to think of him less. Cut out photos and social media checking as well. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 How fast did you get into the new relationship, a year? Essential you're treading the line of emotionally cheating on your new guy. You may have used him as a quick fix that didn't work. You may have to learn how to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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