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Struggling to trust new girlfriend :( [update: Girlfriend cheated - how to end it]

HumanMachine

By HumanMachine
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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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The fact that you had to start this relationship with some sort of "pact" to block your exes shows that you either started this relationship with trust issues, or that you started this relationship not trusting her. Either way, it is doomed to fail without trust.

 

^^^^This. Here. All day long.

 

No I didn't allow that, she expressed her feelings for me many times.. every time i reminded her of her boyfriend then she'd come running back.. then one day she said she left him and that's when we began our 'relationship'

 

You most certainly did allow that. How many times was that every time (and she was with him)?

 

You fed into her deceit, even if you now want to wash your hands of your part in her cheating. She needed to not have been with anyone for a while before getting with you--that way, even if you are the next relationship, you're not a rebound relationship. That is the big difference you're trying to not acknowledge.

 

What they do with you, they'll do to you.

VeveCakes Established Member

VeveCakes

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So she had a bf and was chasing you.

 

She breaks up with him and moves in with you in the first 3 months together

 

You are all early 20s.

 

I would bet my life she is still talking to her ex and probably feeding him lines about leaving you.

 

Get a VAR and put it in her purse for the day.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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A brief update..

 

We spoke and she immediately deleted his number, i asked if he was still blocked on whatsapp and she confidently opened the app to show me his number under blocked contacts but it wasn't there (like i already knew), she acted surprised..

 

So i brushed it aside for the time being, we've been together since

 

Now the only way that she can talk to him on whatsapp is either her saving his number under a different name OR him constantly starting the convo..

 

Now i would like to go onto her phone tonight to see if either are the case (i have his number so will be able to check)

 

Should I do it though? I know this whole relationship is a complete shambles..

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted
A brief update..

 

We spoke and she immediately deleted his number, i asked if he was still blocked on whatsapp and she confidently opened the app to show me his number under blocked contacts but it wasn't there (like i already knew), she acted surprised..

 

So i brushed it aside for the time being, we've been together since

 

Now the only way that she can talk to him on whatsapp is either her saving his number under a different name OR him constantly starting the convo..

 

Now i would like to go onto her phone tonight to see if either are the case (i have his number so will be able to check)

 

Should I do it though? I know this whole relationship is a complete shambles..

 

When you have to start checking her phone to make sure she is telling the truth, there is no longer a point of being in the relationship.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

 

Now i would like to go onto her phone tonight to see if either are the case (i have his number so will be able to check)

 

Should I do it though? I know this whole relationship is a complete shambles..

 

C'MON ! you trust her or you don't, make a decision. If you don't believe her than break up.

  • 3 weeks later...
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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Earlier I went to the cinema with my girlfriend and some friends, whilst we were walking to the screen my girlfriend spotted her ex and said 'omg it's x', then proceeded to ignore me and walk ahead (our friends were walking just ahead of us), leaving me behind.

 

I was so hurt by this.. i followed until they entered the screen then turned around and went home.

 

I've been with her for 6 months, she was with him (before me) for 3 months.

 

She has since texted me calling me childish etc.

 

Am I? Did I overreact?

umirano Established Member

umirano

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What are you hurt about? That she spotted him, said so, and walked a few steps ahead of you into the theater?

 

That doesn't make sense.

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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What are you hurt about? That she spotted him, said so, and walked a few steps ahead of you into the theater?

 

That doesn't make sense.

 

So we were maybe 10 yards behind the others, she let go of my hand then ran/jogged to our group leaving me behind

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
So we were maybe 10 yards behind the others, she let go of my hand then ran/jogged to our group leaving me behind

 

Was she trying to "hide" you so the ex wouldn't see you?

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Was she trying to "hide" you so the ex wouldn't see you?

 

Ex knows about me, I felt like she was ashamed of me.. i would never imagine doing something like that to her..

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umirano Established Member

umirano

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I am not doubting you, but are you sure she tried to look like you weren't her boyfriend, or was she catching up with them because she had to say something?

 

Sometimes we can be pretty insecure and our minds fill the gaps so that everything looks really evil. I'm just trying to make sure you actually have reasons to believe she's shady about you being her boyfriend. The other friends that were there knew about you and the fact that you're in a relationship with her?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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You both were childish. What you should had done was pulled her aside and addressed it right there. If she caused a stir about it, THEN you walk out and go home. Block/delete.

 

My spidie senses are telling there has been more than one incident....

Edited by smackie9
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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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I went through my girlfriend's phone and found that she had been talking to her ex. She set the chat to 'no alerts' meaning it wouldn't ever pop up on her phone.

 

He asked her to meet up and she said:

 

"I don't want to upset *me* so i'm going to have to pass, plus you remember what happened last time"

 

He repled

 

"No problem"

 

This tells me that she has met up with him since we started our relationship and slept with him.

 

I asked her to her face this morning "are you sure your ex isn't still contacting you?" She looked me square in the eyes and said "no I promise, I'd tell you anyway".. bearing in mind she had been talking to him yesterday.

 

How do i proceed with this? Straight to NC?

Whitestar Established Member

Whitestar

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Not necessarily. You need to have a very serious talk obviously...

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HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

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Not necessarily. You need to have a very serious talk obviously...

 

After she so convincingly lied to me earlier? No chance!

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Whitestar Established Member

Whitestar

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After she so convincingly lied to me earlier? No chance!

 

Well of course only you can judge how you feel about her and whether you want to give her at least a chance to explain. I agree it looks very bad, secret rendezvous with her ex, lying to your face ....

umirano Established Member

umirano

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I don't know what happened "last time", they could have f...ought ;) but regardless, the straight up lie warrants an instadump followed by NC, especially if the relationship is only so so or if this isn't the first time she lies to you.

 

It's really a matter of taste, why do you ask? You want to break up. If you've made up your mind it doesn't really matter how you break up.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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How do i proceed with this? Straight to NC?

I would have told her "I know you're lying to me. I don't date liars. Goodbye".

 

If you've been seeing each other for a while then it is customary to at least say "you're dumped" or similar before disappearing on someone.

enddeck Established Member

enddeck

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This girl is capable of lying convincingly to your face so she will probably gaslight you when you talk to her.The first thing she will say is she didn't tell you she had been in contact with her ex because she knew it would upset you.She will put all the blame on you and tell you that you going through her phone was far worse than her lying to you.

Run!

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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YOU don't need to prove yourself to her, as to why you are dumping her.

No need to get into a huge fight or argue over "he said, she said" stuff.

Just say

"This isn't working out. I am gong NC for my own peace of mind.

BYE"

 

Get rid of any of her stuff, give it to one of her friends is probably the best bet, and then block her everywhere

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Just tell her the truth - I know that you are talking to him. We are done.

You don't have to explain or justify anything.

I'm sorry.

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

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If you tell her the reason, she will make excuses and come up with stories. Just say it's not working fif you and you don't know why.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

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Yes, the truth...

 

You know she slept with her ex and she has been contacting him.

 

You don't need this. Dump her.

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bachdude Established Member

bachdude

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Well, now her "promise" while looking you in the eyes means absolutely zilch.

 

 

If this progressed to marriage, and you stood in front of a judge or priest and she promised to be faithful to you while looking you in the eyes, how much would you trust her word?

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