ZA Dater Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I think my general level of "couldn't care less" is on the rise because I went on another date, this time she was 19 years old. I can just about hear Elaine sigh right about now... Actually it went rather well, we got on quite well, she is superbly smart, really beautiful and just nice, unlike the usual dating site fodder she lacked years of baggage and cynicism I have found with ever single person I have taken to coffee off the site. She is moving to Germany to study in Jan. All of which makes seeing her pretty pointless but nevertheless I am taking her to dinner on Friday. She can actually talk, she actually has opinions, she actually has knowledge...all of which is refreshing. I think I am changing tact on how I go about anything dating related and that to simply take it at face value and no more, I think I am not expecting anything and for the most part I am just friend zoning people I meet or trying to and doing that makes me feel better and far less of a hopeless looser when they wonder why I cant flirt. With holidays around the corner the level of loneliness increases hugely when I don't have work to occupy myself so having a holiday friend may not be a bad idea. 4
RecentChange Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Just enjoy the ride - ya never know. When I met my husband, he had just accepted a job offer 500 miles away, and would be moving in 6 weeks.... so we figured we'd have a fling Well that fling turned into something much more. We did the long distance thing for 6 months until I was able to follow him (we have since moved back to the area where we first met 15 years ago). Sometimes when it feels right, you can make it work. 2
LargoLagg Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 A very positive step, in my opinion. Become comfortable with that, and your dating prowess will improve, and you can make an adjustment to incorporate flirting. For now, I think you're starting at just the right place. She's leaving in January. Between now and then, see if you can get her to go DO something. I don't know what - skiing or tubing? Singing songs from The Nutcracker at a group singalong? A sport? The possibilities are endless. You both will like it. Oh and don't limit yourself to just one.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 A very positive step, in my opinion. Become comfortable with that, and your dating prowess will improve, and you can make an adjustment to incorporate flirting. For now, I think you're starting at just the right place. She's leaving in January. Between now and then, see if you can get her to go DO something. I don't know what - skiing or tubing? Singing songs from The Nutcracker at a group singalong? A sport? The possibilities are endless. You both will like it. Oh and don't limit yourself to just one. Looks wise I am really punching well above my weight, she is absolutely gorgeous! My appeal to her seems to be an older more mature guy, well in theory anyway. I look at this as an experience more than anything else, just meeting her once was really great. Its very much friend zone but I am ok with that. The positive thing for me is the more meetings I have the more I can build confidence and that can only benefit me. I am taking her somewhere quite fancy for dinner.
LargoLagg Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Can I gently suggest that centering your date around food is not necessarily the best way to get her to overlook your weight, no matter how nice the linens that grace your table? Switching your dating focus to activities would do wonders for you. No offense, but if you're vastly overweight, so would skipping a few meals.
RecentChange Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Ahh I believe "punching well above my weight" is a saying, a metaphor for being out classed. As if a light weight boxer was fighting a heavy weight. He is saying she is more attractive than he is. 2
TheTraveler Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I think my general level of "couldn't care less" is on the rise because I went on another date, this time she was 19 years old. I can just about hear Elaine sigh right about now... Actually it went rather well, we got on quite well, she is superbly smart, really beautiful and just nice, unlike the usual dating site fodder she lacked years of baggage and cynicism I have found with ever single person I have taken to coffee off the site. She is moving to Germany to study in Jan. All of which makes seeing her pretty pointless but nevertheless I am taking her to dinner on Friday. She can actually talk, she actually has opinions, she actually has knowledge...all of which is refreshing. I think I am changing tact on how I go about anything dating related and that to simply take it at face value and no more, I think I am not expecting anything and for the most part I am just friend zoning people I meet or trying to and doing that makes me feel better and far less of a hopeless looser when they wonder why I cant flirt. With holidays around the corner the level of loneliness increases hugely when I don't have work to occupy myself so having a holiday friend may not be a bad idea. She's 19 years old. Treat it as a fling and go forward when she leaves. There's no long distance romance after this so have fun.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 She's 19 years old. Treat it as a fling and go forward when she leaves. There's no long distance romance after this so have fun. I have no sex experience at all and am too shy to go there so her company and someone to talk to are just great for me.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 Can I gently suggest that centering your date around food is not necessarily the best way to get her to overlook your weight, no matter how nice the linens that grace your table? Switching your dating focus to activities would do wonders for you. No offense, but if you're vastly overweight, so would skipping a few meals. I am vastly skinny actually. Yes I was saying she is much better looking than me.
LargoLagg Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I am vastly skinny actually. Yes I was saying she is much better looking than me. OK, sorry. Still, nice restaurants and 19 year olds? A 39 year old, yeah. 19? The venue doesn't match her age.
TheTraveler Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I have no sex experience at all and am too shy to go there so her company and someone to talk to are just great for me. This is a great opportunity to go there. Just realized the age difference. Time to take the lead my man and go all the way to sex.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 This is a great opportunity to go there. Just realized the age difference. Time to take the lead my man and go all the way to sex. Nope if I go there I want an actual gf.
joseb Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 OK, sorry. Still, nice restaurants and 19 year olds? A 39 year old, yeah. 19? The venue doesn't match her age. I think she might actually be suitably impressed. Sounds like she may be picking ZA because he is older. I know you have sfa experience ZA, but as she is going away, she is quite likely up for a fling if she is on a dating site. So don't just limit your possibilities to the platonic. Hopefully for you at 19 she is pretty inexperienced herself, so might mean she isn't as conscious of your inexperience. 2
TheTraveler Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Nope if I go there I want an actual gf. Considering you haven't had a BJ or had sex and was considering last month paying for sex. Now she(any woman) has to be a gf? Also, good luck finding a woman to be your gf before having oral/sex... 1
joseb Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Nope if I go there I want an actual gf. Don't limit your mindset.
Author ZA Dater Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 Don't limit your mindset. I am actually more at ease about the whole dating thing now than I probably have ever been. I have just taken the "water off a ducks back" approach to it, i.e. I am quite indifferent. At the moment I want company more than I want sex and I don't think she really likes me in that way anyway, when after a date she holds out her hand to shake mine its quite telling. At the end of the day its ok, I get to spend time with someone who is nice, looks great, speaks well, stands out from the norm so instead of saying "oh well she doesn't find me attractive" its far easier and perhaps better to say "well I am going to enjoy this for what it is, a friend zone" which lets be honest isn't something I have managed to achieve often, if ever.
Els Posted December 19, 2016 Posted December 19, 2016 OK, sorry. Still, nice restaurants and 19 year olds? A 39 year old, yeah. 19? The venue doesn't match her age. If the OP is significantly older (not sure how old, but I recall ~30 yo?), she will probably be expecting a nice restaurant, to be honest. If she'd wanted to get pizza delivery and watch TV, she would've hooked up with a fellow 19 yo. I mean, it's obviously up to him whether or not he wants to fork out for an evening that is likely to be just a fling, but I don't see why you're picking on his choice of venue.
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