Soph2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 It is my first time writing on a forum. I read many posts here therefore I know I am not alone. I am still struggling with the idea that my ex did not love me, that he did not love me the way he thought he could, that he lied in some ways about he felt about me, about us. Almost four months ago, I texted my ex to ask him when we could meet because I needed to have a conversation with him. I thought we could overcome that issue but we did not. When we met, I had been single for 2 years and he had been for a year. His ex is a much younger woman and they broke up because she found a job in another state. Apparently, she is back. That is not the point. In all our important conversations, he would talk about her, make a connection to her. He met my mother and he had told me how things went when he met his ex's mother. He told me he was her first lover. I tried to be open minded (read here I did not respect my own boundaries) but overtime it became unbearable. I had the feeling that I never was in the relationship for the woman I am, he always had to bring her. When I texted him on that day, he had a job interview. When he got to his place, he started yelling, telling me that when people send those kinds of texts, it means that they want to break up. I kept telling him that I did not want to break up, I just wanted to talk. He screamed, told me to f****off, hung up on my and since that evening, he has NEVER contacted me, texted me, tried to have a conversation to explain his behavior. I tried to reach out for a week. After a week, he told me to leave him alone. I respected his wish. It hurts. My ex used to send me a text every single morning, we talked everyday and we spent time together. Sometimes, I feel stupid for still being sad. We dated for 6 months and 3 weeks and it has been over for almost 4 months. I called him 3 months after he hung up on me. He told me that an ex tried to sabotage an important interview he had once and he felt I was doing the same. Once again, I feel that I never existed for who I am. I am not that immature. I respect work and I respect myself. He also told me that he felt he did not make me happy. This is when I understood that he did not love me. He was telling me how I was feeling and was avoiding his true feelings. I was done. I know all too well about this cheap psychology. It is an escape. I am sad. I used to think that I was not enough, not cool enough, not young enough. Now, I know that he did not love me, I would never have been enough because I am not the person he wanted. It hurts me. He told me he loved me and I believed him. Today is one of those days, I woke up thinking about him and I have been sad since. 1
DumpedGuy9617 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 This may sound bad, but I think you're the better off of the two of you. He is very obviously still hung up on his ex. That's not your fault, and he may be channeling negative feelings he has for her onto you. I'm sorry you are hurting. We've all been there. It sucks. All you can do is move past it. It doesn't sound like there is much hope with him. There are lots of guys out there. Find someone who loves you, not their ex. Hope you start feeling better. 2
JaeJae Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 You deserve to be with a partner who is not stuck in the past. Constantly talking about his ex serves no purpose and only acts as a barrier between you 2. He shouldn't have jumped into a relationship with you when he clearly has not moved on from his previous relationship. Also, what concerns me is how he reacted to your text on the day of his interview. Sure, the timing of your message may not have been the best considering he was probably nervous about his interview. But I think he overreacted and his angry outburst is a secondary emotion to something deeper. Bottom line, he needs to work on himself. If you had continued to be with him, I think it would have been VERY tough for you since you would have had to dealt with insecure and anxious thoughts/feelings. Find someone who gives you that security through their actions, words, and emotional intelligence. 2
Satu Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 It sounds like he was projecting a lot of his feelings onto you, together with traits from his ex. Don't own any of that. At this point in your recovery you're going through some very painful stuff, but thats how the process works. We have to examine the wound. Eventually, you'll reach a point of peaceful acceptance, and be happy again. That is also how it works. Take care. 2
Author Soph2016 Posted December 22, 2016 Author Posted December 22, 2016 (edited) Thank you all for your comforting words. When in a situation, it is hard to take a step back and assess, especially when the person you are/were with blames you for everything. I am not a bad person. I am compassionate, kind and respectful. He tried to make me think that I am not any of that just because of a text. Feeling better is a process. I am getting there. I feel that I can see the situation for what it is and I am trying to move forward by spending time with friends who care and by finding myself again. Thank you all so very much, Soph. Edited December 22, 2016 by Soph2016 typos 1
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