drasifus Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Hey guys my first post. New to the forum. So here goes: Thanks for the patience ;-) I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago after dating for 6 months. She mentioned she wasn't happy and attempted to dump me, but we worked it out. That night for some odd reason, i impulsively sent a message to a girl on OKCupid for the first time during our relationship...very non-flirtatious, with literally no intentions of taking it further. She snooped the following morning and confronted me. I said that it meant nothing, obviously I should have properly addressed the matter in hindsight. A week later she dumped me giving a myriad of other reasons e.g. its not you etc etc. Now im beating myself up over it. Still to this day, I wonder if this was the straw that broke the camels back...one lapse of concentration. Well its clear that im still in love with her, yes you might say it was a short relationship, but in my world (religious) it was long enough to discuss the prospect of marriage and get serious etc....i have not been in contact with her, but gosh do i desperately want her back...stunning girl both inside and out....the annoying thing is i still cant think of a bad thing to say about her. She was literally perfect in every sense. This is driving me nuts. Any chance of initiating contact and trying again? I've tried everything to move on...but i am constantly beating myself up about it. Thanks for your time guys! 1
bluepanox Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Do not contact her. When a girl stops loving you there is nothing you can do to change it. The change need to come from the dumper. If they realize they made a mistake and offer a full apology, you can consider it. If you can think of her being with another man, whom she has an amazing relationship and not feel hurt, then you can contact her. Move on and improve yourself. 1
Sweetfish Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Stop taking any blame for wrong doing. Value your self more and realize she is not perfect. If she was perfect she would still be around 1
springy Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Stop taking any blame for wrong doing. Value your self more and realize she is not perfect. If she was perfect she would still be around UM did you read the OP at all? OkCupid. "Lapse in concentration" (what does that mean)? She was already on the fence about the relationship. The breakup would have likely happened anyway since she was unhappy and having doubts at just six months in. It doesn't sound like you were all that serious about her anyway, or you wouldn't have been fooling around on dating sites. She probably gave a myriad of excuses when breaking up because she wanted to end it before, and figured just telling you she wasn't happy would not have been good enough for you to let her go. Instead, she named everything she could think of. If you are following her on social media you might want to cut that off. Any mode of contact will set you back. That means FB, snapchat, twitter, whatsapp, etc. Cut ties, don't try to find out anything about her so you can get over her. 1
lvd2005 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I am so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time moving past your ex girlfriend. It is very normal. I commend you on not contacting her. That is very hard not to do as I have made that mistake numerous times throughout my dating life and it never ends well. I wonder, do you have any hobbies that you can focus on to keep yourself busy? Also, you mentioned you were religious, do you have a pastor or mentor that you can personally reach out to for help? Many blessings and praying for you! 1
Bromeo Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 As someone who has been here, I must weigh in. First, getting advice and support here requires honesty from all parties involved. I often wonder what details are left out of the stories posted. Second, OKC requires a robust profile to be successful at. Sounds like you both were fence-sitting for whatever reason. No judgement, I've been there too. In my tumultuous saga, posted here, I was so worried about my ex leaving me (again), that I kept an active profile. My head simply wasn't in the right place, my heart was wounded by her disappearing act, and my brain tried to protect the heart as best it could. In OP's case, the foundation of relationships is communication. Doesn't sound like clear, open communication was present on either side. Take some time, work on yourself, and when you get to a place where the emotions have dulled, then carefully consider an outreach. 1
spiderowl Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 It does sound like you and she were on the point of breaking up. I don't suppose sending a message to a girl on OK Cupid would have improved that situation. Unfortunately, although a lot of things can be forgiven in a relationship, loss of trust is a big thing. Maybe you were seeking some pleasant interaction with someone, suggesting that you were unhappy in your relationship. If both of you were unhappy, then does it matter who ended it? You can have strong feelings for someone and yet still be unhappy with them for myriad reasons. Maybe it is now a question of accepting that strong feelings do not a good relationship make.
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