Autumn129 Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I have been dating this guy for two months. We have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week and we are not exclusive. I had to leave out of the country due to a family emergency. For the first week, we texted every other day and now it is the end of the second week and I haven’t not heard from him for 7 days. I see that he logs on okcupid on a daily basis (that’s where we met). What should I do? Message him? Wait till I go back home to message him? I feel that if he really misses me, he would message me instead of logging on okcupid. Do I just need to calm down and stop over analyzing? Opinions?
RoseHeart Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 If it's 2 months in and you see each other regularly but he still wants to be on his dating profile then I have bad news... this guy is not entirely convinced you are his right match. His lack of commitment to talk to you as soon as you are away is another red flag. You should at this point see it as objectively as possible and consider if this is something worth pursuing. I personally wouldn't stick with a guy who has had over 2 months to get to know me and still wants to see what is out there. 5
salparadise Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 (edited) You should at this point see it as objectively as possible and consider if this is something worth pursuing. I personally wouldn't stick with a guy who has had over 2 months to get to know me and still wants to see what is out there. This assumes that Autumn wants what you think she wants. Maybe she's the one who's not ready to settle down. She said they're not exclusive, so perhaps it's only the lack of communication that's the problem. If she knows that he's logging into okc daily, doesn't that mean that she is too? What's the deal Autumn? Are you wanting this to turn into an exclusive, committed relationship or are you dating around but hoping to maintain the connection to this guy? Rose is right though, if her assumption is correct. If your goal is an exclusive, committed relationship then you should probably cut this guy loose. Are you making an effort to engage, or do you sit and wait for him to initiate every communication? I think it's a mistake to assume that a guy is going to continue in hot pursuit if you're feigning demure and not contributing some energy. What are the goals and expectations? Have you talked about anything like that with him? Edited December 13, 2016 by salparadise 1
RoseHeart Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 This assumes that Autumn wants what you think she wants. Maybe she's the one who's not ready to settle down. She said they're not exclusive, so perhaps it's only the lack of communication that's the problem. If she knows that he's logging into okc daily, doesn't that mean that she is too? It's quite common for people to log on to "check" on the other person. I just assumed that because of the fact that she is bothered by this. My first thought will be that if someone actually didn't really care, then it shouldn't matter that much if a guy doesn't respond. I guess by the way it was written, it just made me think that. I could be wrong of course
Author Autumn129 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 Thanks Roseheart and salparadise for your replies. I am interested in an exclusive committed relationship. After the first week of texting, I decided to facetime him since his text was such a long reply. Then I didn't hear from him for another three days and I face timed him again, which he was enthusiastic to chat with me as we chatted for an hour and half. After that was the seven days of silence. I was just wondering if I was overreacting since I am on vacation and out of the country. We normally communicate on a daily basis. It is just strange that I suddenly did not hear from him when I am away.
winny Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 When are you returning back? I think you should have the exclusivity talk with him face to face when you are back. 1
Author Autumn129 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 When are you returning back? I think you should have the exclusivity talk with him face to face when you are back. I'm actually returning tomorrow.
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 I would not waste any time on him. A man dating you 2 months, as often as 2-3 times a week, should have offered you exclusivity by now. The fact he is still active online and can spend 7 days without a word to you just indicates he is keeping his options open. He probably met someone else sometimes in these past 7 days. 3
Jejangles Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 Yeah I agree with others. If this guy wanted to be exclusive with you, he would be keeping in regular contact and not logging online. My boyfriend went away for two weeks two months into our relationship. By then we had both taken down our dating profiles, and also said to each other that we were in a committed relationship. He contacted me every day he was away (not because he had to but because he wanted to) and now we are just short of a year of dating. By contrast, a few years ago I dated a guy for 4 months who stayed in sporadic contact and logged online regularly. When I finally asked what he wanted, he said he wanted to stay casual and non committed. Through him and other guys I dated, I eventually realised a guy who wants to date you and only you will make that clear pretty quickly.
SwordofFlame Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem like the OP wants exclusivity either at this point in time. Are you holding off because you want him to show you how much he likes you first? Is that why you want him to maintain regular communication while you're on a vacation? If that's the case, he clearly didn't meet her expectations.
ChatroomHero Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 I wonder if we'll see this guy on here posting about this girl that went out of town and texted him for a week then disappeared. 1
kendahke Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 I have been dating this guy for two months. We have been seeing each other 2-3 times a week and we are not exclusive. I had to leave out of the country due to a family emergency. For the first week, we texted every other day and now it is the end of the second week and I haven’t not heard from him for 7 days. I see that he logs on okcupid on a daily basis (that’s where we met). What should I do? Message him? Wait till I go back home to message him? I feel that if he really misses me, he would message me instead of logging on okcupid. Do I just need to calm down and stop over analyzing? Opinions? He may not be actually logging on to OKCupid--that app will show you being on when you turn on your cell phone, so don't put all of your store in that app showing him signing on. How close are you two to exclusivity? Has he broached the subject with you about wanting exclusivity with you? Right now, you're casually seeing him, so no. Don't jump on his head. It appears there needs to be some talk about your expectations regarding him and that app. Wait until you have a talk about becoming exclusive before trying to go in on him. He hasn't made any commitment to you yet.
kendahke Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 It's quite common for people to log on to "check" on the other person. and he may be logging on to check her... that door swings both ways. best thing to do is to stop stalking through the app and open your mouth and ask for what you want from him. 1
olivetree Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 Facts -you want an exclusive committed relationship -neither exclusivity nor commitment has been discussed -the last two times you made contact were facetimes initiated by you -between those times were periods of silence for three and now seven (or eight as of today) days -he logs onto okcupid daily. Sorry but I don't think it is to check up on you This guy is just not that into you. You can do better than that. 2
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