whiskeychick Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Hi everyone! I'm brand new to the forum. Just 2 and a half months ago I was the typical 30 something singleton who had several online dating profiles that never amounted to anything, attempted to meet guys out but only met the wrong ones, had a few flings that always ended in dead-ends. RIGHT when I gave up & decided I'd be single forever, found a great guy and now I'm here, in a romantic relationship advice column. Instead of wondering what I used to wonder (does he like me, is he ghosting, what does this mean, etc), I'm asking a much broader question I'm struggling with: When you finally get in that good relationship, how do you stay calm and keep yourself & your partner from floating off on cloud 9? There are a ton of articles & forum topics on "taking it slow" because popular experience has proven that moving too fast can cause problems. But I'm interested to know how many people feel there really IS a timeline? Some opinions think that moving too fast with the wrong person just means you hit the end quicker than you would if taking it slow. Then others think it can doom a good relationship. I'm talking about specifics: saying I love you, meeting the parents, moving in together, etc. Do we really think everyone's running on the same schedule? Anyone out there run 90mph down lovers lane and still going strong? Thanks everyone! Nice to be here!
bachdude Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 How? I would say it helps to stay realistic. I have seen threads on this forum where even after a couple years or so of being in a relationship a side of their partner emerges that was a shock, even a deal breaker. Usually it happens sooner but keep in mind that you don't know each other well yet. I don't mean to be too pessimistic! Just realistic! Just my 2¢
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 You're in honeymoon right now and are both infatuated with each other. My advice is wait to make a serious commitment after that phase is over. Once that phase is over you will see what kind of foundation you have built for each other, and if you will both proceed to something even greater -- real love. In the meantime, enjoy. Explore your partner, get to truly know him and connect with him on different levels. Build that foundation so when the honeymoon is over you are both standing on solid ground. That should be your goal, in my opinion. Do what you deem necessary to pursue that goal. Best of luck!
Blanco Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 Good rule of thumb would be no major decisions in the first year of dating. That means no moving in together, no getting engaged/married, no pregnancies, etc. If it's really a good fit, there will be plenty of time for those things later. But in that first year, you're really just trying to get to know them well. I say a year because you need the inevitable new relationship energy to fade a bit so that you can honestly evaluate both the person and the relationship's viability. You generally aren't going to be able to do either of those things objectively in the first few months, because you're both so gaga for each other. And there's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it, but don't make life-altering decisions while under the influence of new relationship energy.
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