Apparition Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I haven't been online on here in a while, needless to say a lot has happened in my life. I've moved on from my ex, we are still friends and speak every so often. I love her, but am not in love with her anymore. After getting myself together, finding my feet, getting a new job and even enjoying the job, I have found myself in a bit of a rut. I met a gorgeous woman who met me on every term, personality wise, sexually (she is my match down to a T), her goofy sense of humor, her laid-back attitude etc. Anyway, we started off as FWB and she slowly became jealous, asking questions such as if I was sleeping with others etc. Anyway, she told me she really liked me and I told her the same and we both agreed we were in no place ready for a relationship but we would carry on seeing each other, however, I told her I was not going to sleep with anyone else and she did the same. Now, fast forward a few months later when I was really getting into her, she starts blowing hot and cold on me, so I took that as a sign she was disinterested and I decided to no longer contact her. However, after 4 days of silence on both ends, she text me out of the blue saying she really misses me, and boom, we're back on again. This time it was different though, and things were getting more intense but yet, she was still blowing hot and cold with me. Every time I got hot with her, she'd get cold, every time I got cold with her, she'd get hot. It became a bit of a chase with mind games and I am not interested in that stuff so I had enough. I confronted her this morning with a text asking why she always "dips" on me when she's the one who initiates the conversation first and hits me up, and why doesn't she just leave me be and go do her thing, her response was, "why would I leave you alone when I like you???" so I replied with, "like me enough to dip and blow hot and cold?" - she did not reply. So after 6 hours I text her this, "That is what I thought, no reply, we have different definitions of like and I'm not down for these games, I'm done. I hope you find what you're looking for." I didn't know females were ones to play such games like this, it's weird and I don't get it at all. I'm hurt, of course, I was starting to like this chick and even considered asking her out but the games were a red flag. Females, any ideas? 1
salparadise Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I didn't know females were ones to play such games like this, it's weird and I don't get it at all. I'm hurt, of course, I was starting to like this chick and even considered asking her out but the games were a red flag. What do you mean you didn't know females play games? Of course they do (some, not all). They even have witticisms like, "treat him mean, keep him keen." There is a line of reasoning that believes that making a guy work for it, making him chase, keeping him off balance or uncomfortable fosters desire. Then there are some who need it for the validation, which is even worse. I think it's all hogwash and I won't participate. Oh, I have before, but learned that it's a miserable existence to try and be with someone like that. The game-playing is actually just the tip of the iceberg. What lies beneath the surface is scary. They need to pair up with a nice narcissist or sociopath –– someone who plays it even better. That's really the only way it works in the long run. You can't win. Sorry, not a female. I'm sure there will be though. 2
Satu Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 From my journal: The heart seeks to connect. The mind seeks a reason to connect. The ego wants to rule without connection. Take care. 1
spiderowl Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Of course you could ask why she appears to be playing hot and cold, but it seems like you did in a way. She did not respond. Maybe she likes you a lot but is afraid of saying so. If you want that kind of conversation with her, you need to think firstly do you really want to go there. If you do, then somehow you both need to feel safe to express real feelings. That is not likely to happen if each thinks they other does not feel the same. Games are not a good idea but I guess they often mask an underlying insecurity. 1
salparadise Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Games are not a good idea but I guess they often mask an underlying insecurity. Or emotional unavailability, personality disorder, avoidant attachment issues, etc. At best it could just be immaturity, but are you really looking to take someone to raise? 2
whatdeww18 Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Just stop the games. Not worth. If you're looking for a relationship, and she's obviously not, don't do it. Seems like she's the type to want everything from a relationship without the label and commitment.... Hot enough to get close to that level, and cold enough to not go full throttle relationship status. Ya dig? You obviously want more, she doesn't. She's a catch, but bad timing that she doesn't want a relationship. TREAT YO SELF BETTER! Who knows, she may come around wanting to commit after you finally stop contacting her with those messages. I'd say ignore and move onto greener grass with proper fertilizer, none of that "hot and cold" fertilizer.
Sweetfish Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I haven't been online on here in a while, needless to say a lot has happened in my life. I've moved on from my ex, we are still friends and speak every so often. I love her, but am not in love with her anymore. After getting myself together, finding my feet, getting a new job and even enjoying the job, I have found myself in a bit of a rut. I met a gorgeous woman who met me on every term, personality wise, sexually (she is my match down to a T), her goofy sense of humor, her laid-back attitude etc. Anyway, we started off as FWB and she slowly became jealous, asking questions such as if I was sleeping with others etc. Anyway, she told me she really liked me and I told her the same and we both agreed we were in no place ready for a relationship but we would carry on seeing each other, however, I told her I was not going to sleep with anyone else and she did the same. Now, fast forward a few months later when I was really getting into her, she starts blowing hot and cold on me, so I took that as a sign she was disinterested and I decided to no longer contact her. However, after 4 days of silence on both ends, she text me out of the blue saying she really misses me, and boom, we're back on again. This time it was different though, and things were getting more intense but yet, she was still blowing hot and cold with me. Every time I got hot with her, she'd get cold, every time I got cold with her, she'd get hot. It became a bit of a chase with mind games and I am not interested in that stuff so I had enough. I confronted her this morning with a text asking why she always "dips" on me when she's the one who initiates the conversation first and hits me up, and why doesn't she just leave me be and go do her thing, her response was, "why would I leave you alone when I like you???" so I replied with, "like me enough to dip and blow hot and cold?" - she did not reply. So after 6 hours I text her this, "That is what I thought, no reply, we have different definitions of like and I'm not down for these games, I'm done. I hope you find what you're looking for." I didn't know females were ones to play such games like this, it's weird and I don't get it at all. I'm hurt, of course, I was starting to like this chick and even considered asking her out but the games were a red flag. Females, any ideas? She is torn between two or more men and getting the best of both words
Author Apparition Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 I was and am not looking for a relationship, I was considering dating her because I got to know her as a friend, and the way she behaved towards me indicated that it could have went somewhere in the beginning, I was not looking for it. She is one of those, "words speak louder than actions" type of people, and I don't do those people, I do actions speak louder than words type of people. ; ) Anyway, Salparadise, I have to agree with you. The funny thing is due to one of her jealous hissy fits (which I found cute at the time) we had a conversation which lead me to tell her I was completely fine if she saw other guys, but she was not fine if I seen other females, and she said she didn't want to see other guys either, just me. So, because I liked her and didn't want to hurt her and thought it was going to go somewhere eventually, I didn't. Time to move on. 1
Author Apparition Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 She is torn between two or more men and getting the best of both words Perhaps she is, either way I was cool with it and still am. But I'm not down for games so it's bye and onto the next one.
BrokenHeartedMan89 Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 From my journal: The ego wants to rule without connection.[/i] Take care. I needed to read that. Thanks - so true!
Author Apparition Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 Update on my situation - She replied the next day to my text and said, "what do you mean you're done?? xxx", to which I replied, "Why does it matter?" - her response back, "your right it doesnt x". And with that, I got my answer. I'm feeling better about it all because I could have been in a relationship with this person and to see this side of her is not appealing. Back on my saddle though and going on a date tonight with someone new.
Bromeo Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 As someone who is at the tail end of something similar, once through it you realize the following: 1. Clear communication is what makes relationships work. 2. Mixed signals will drive you insane from over analysis. See #1. 3. If you were driving forward, working on yourself, and enjoying life, you would not tolerate or be consumed with this drama, and she would feel that. You would not be posting transcripts of communications on LS for the community to analyze. Trust me. Once I finally went NC for good, FB Messenger notified me she was attempting to view my page. She's blocked. They can feel it. Brother I was there, I did the same thing, and did not follow my own advice above. Simply read my post. lol You must accept that you cannot changes things, renew you self esteem, and work on yourself. I am almost back to being my former swagmaster, but I relapse sometimes. Find what works for you and do it. Take care, Dave
VeveCakes Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 She sounds avoidant. Good luck on your date.
BlkVelvet Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Trust me. Once I finally went NC for good, FB Messenger notified me she was attempting to view my page. She's blocked. Hi. I've seen you post this before and Im wondering if this is some new feature on FB or something?? Ive never known FB to let people know who's trying to view their page. Their privacy is pretty tight when it comes to that. Can you explain this?? I'm very interested in the details of this.
BC1980 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 Well, the relationship started off as FWB, so maybe she noticed you were liking her more and didn't reciprocate. I don't see her behavior as game playing because you weren't in a relationship. FWB doesn't require consistent contact. She was upfront about not wanting a relationship. Someone always gets hurt in FWB situations. I think this is just an example of you two wanting different levels of commitment.
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