Feeling entitled to tell me that he thinks NC has been “long enough”

[JourneyToFindMe]

It has been 8 months of no contact between my ex and I. However, he keeps finding ways to contact me and will not accept the fact that me going no contact is not to punish him, but rather for self preservation, detachment and moving on. Over the weekend he contacted me to say that he wishes I’d just respond to him and that he thinks it’s been “long enough now”.

 

He is framing my decision to go no contact as me punishing him and is projecting his own time-frame of when he thinks I should be over things. This is what it has come down to. Him feeling entitled to tell me when he thinks me not speaking to him has been long enough. He is not respecting my need for NC and is being pushy.

 

The past couple months have been tough, but I'm in a much better place emotionally. I just wanted to come on here and vent.

[Philosoraptor]

If you would block all his methods of contact, you wouldn't have to deal with his communication to begin with.

 

Seems like it's in your power to remove his ability to contact you, so do so. You'll save your mind some strain that way.

[whatdeww18]

I think what this ultimately boils down to is what you would like out of it.

Ex's will always find ways to communicate with us, it's a vast world with numerous ways to find someone.

Have you explicitly told this person you don't wish to communicate.

He has no right to tell you how long or how short no contact should be, don't let it bother you and do your thing! YOU GOT THIS!

If you don't have any want or hope for reconciliation, just put it bluntly and let him know that you don't want to talk and you're moving on.

It's not cold, it's out of respect so that you both have your boundaries and are comfortable.

Wishing you the best

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[spiderowl]

Well you are absolutely right. He does feel entitled to judge what you should do. Fortunately, you have spotted that and, I hope, will continue to do what is best for you. He has no entitlement to anything if he is an ex.

[Miss Peach]

I've noticed that with some guys because they are trying to move to friends so they stop feeling bad. I've been on the other side of this advising those guys to stop.

[Blanco]

It's time to block him if you feel like you've clearly expressed your lack of desire to maintain a friendship with him and he's continued to push the matter anyway.

 

People like this generally struggle with empathy, even if they care about the person. In this guy's mind, he's over it, so you should be, too. He's totally missed that you are your own person and are not obligated to be on some stringent recovery timeline that ends with you two being buddies.

 

Don't let him guilt you into anything. That he's framing the situation like this shows that even if he does care about you, he's still predominantly focused on what he wants.

[JourneyToFindMe]

If you would block all his methods of contact, you wouldn't have to deal with his communication to begin with.

 

Seems like it's in your power to remove his ability to contact you, so do so. You'll save your mind some strain that way.

 

 

I have, but maybe I need to take it a step further and change my phone number

[JourneyToFindMe]

I think what this ultimately boils down to is what you would like out of it.

Ex's will always find ways to communicate with us, it's a vast world with numerous ways to find someone.

Have you explicitly told this person you don't wish to communicate.

He has no right to tell you how long or how short no contact should be, don't let it bother you and do your thing! YOU GOT THIS!

If you don't have any want or hope for reconciliation, just put it bluntly and let him know that you don't want to talk and you're moving on.

It's not cold, it's out of respect so that you both have your boundaries and are comfortable.

Wishing you the best

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

He knows how much he hurt me in the past. I wasn’t exactly blunt about it, but months ago I told him it’s best we don’t communicate and I’m letting go of the relationship. There is no hope for reconciliation. I’m not even sure a friendship is on the table in a few years either. I just cannot trust him.

 

Even if a friendship was in the cards in the forseeable future, him not showing respect for my need for space right now and pushing me to respond to him, is not a good sign.

 

I’m seriously thinking to change my number, but what more can I say to be more blunt and set a firm boundary?

[PegNosePete]

what more can I say to be more blunt and set a firm boundary?

I hope you haven't been responding to him. Every time you respond you validate his messages and encourage more.

 

There's nothing more you can do. Just let him eat silence. Eventually he will get the message and move on.

[JourneyToFindMe]

It's time to block him if you feel like you've clearly expressed your lack of desire to maintain a friendship with him and he's continued to push the matter anyway.

 

People like this generally struggle with empathy, even if they care about the person. In this guy's mind, he's over it, so you should be, too. He's totally missed that you are your own person and are not obligated to be on some stringent recovery timeline that ends with you two being buddies.

 

Don't let him guilt you into anything. That he's framing the situation like this shows that even if he does care about you, he's still predominantly focused on what he wants.

 

Exactly. He is mainly focused on what he wants. In fact, I think Miss Peach might be right. I think he wants to stop feeling bad for cheating. Me speaking to him will make him feel less of a bad guy.

 

I’m definitely not obligated to be on a timeframe that he deems long enough....and he seems to have this belief that I have some sort of underlying passive aggressive motivation for not communicating with him. I’m not obligated to be friends with him. But he doesn’t get that. He thinks that with enough time, I will get over it.

[Methodical]

I wasn’t exactly blunt about it, but months ago I told him it’s best we don’t communicate and I’m letting go of the relationship. There is no hope for reconciliation. I’m not even sure a friendship is on the table in a few years either. I just cannot trust him.

 

You have told him it's over, so it isn't like he is hanging in the balance wondering what's going on. The fact that he continues to cross boundaries is a blatant display of disrespect. Then, to tell you it's been long enough...hell no.

 

Be extremely blunt and put some oomph behind your words. You shouldn't have to change your number, but if he is persistent and you really want to nix him, that is an option.

[JourneyToFindMe]

Well, some (unfortunate) things have unfolded that has made me come to the conclusion that changing my number is for the best. He sent me a text yesterday saying ‘Happy holidays’. Yes guys, the Christmas text. Wanting to be polite (mistake! you were right PegNose Pete), I decided, to just reply with a simple “Same to you”, nothing more. He replied by thanking me and also thanked me for responding. Fine. That was that.

 

Boy oh boy, was I in for something today. I woke up to texts from him that basically said that he really misses me, he was wrong , he hopes I am ok and happy and said that he is not happy. This was a little after midnight. I shrugged it off and stayed silent. Then in the late-ish morning while I was in a meeting he texts “Can you lend me a loan??” and proceeded to call me and sends some more texts “Can you talk?” “Y aren’t you answering my calls”. I found the text bolded beyond strange because I haven’t spoken to him in over 8 months..and our last correspondence did not end well. Anyways, I chalked the text up to it probably being meant for someone else (wrong).

 

While reading his messages, to my horror, my phone slipped and I accidentally called him…then hung up after a couple seconds. He called me back almost immediately. I text him saying the call was an accident and reiterated that talking is not a good idea and told him not to call me. He responds by saying: “Wow you are really dealing with me harshly” “Anyways can you assist me in anyway” “That was what I was calling about though”. WTH?! Did he not hear what I said? I said talking is not a good idea. HOW did he think it was appropriate to ask me to assist him with something (I’m assuming the 'loan' he mentioned earlier).

 

This is beyond crossing boundaries now. I thought that maybe we could be (somewhat) cordial one day in the distant future, but this has really changed things.

[whatdeww18]

Well, some (unfortunate) things have unfolded that has made me come to the conclusion that changing my number is for the best. He sent me a text yesterday saying ‘Happy holidays’. Yes guys, the Christmas text. Wanting to be polite (mistake! you were right PegNose Pete), I decided, to just reply with a simple “Same to you”, nothing more. He replied by thanking me and also thanked me for responding. Fine. That was that.

 

Boy oh boy, was I in for something today. I woke up to texts from him that basically said that he really misses me, he was wrong , he hopes I am ok and happy and said that he is not happy. This was a little after midnight. I shrugged it off and stayed silent. Then in the late-ish morning while I was in a meeting he texts “Can you lend me a loan??” and proceeded to call me and sends some more texts “Can you talk?” “Y aren’t you answering my calls”. I found the text bolded beyond strange because I haven’t spoken to him in over 8 months..and our last correspondence did not end well. Anyways, I chalked the text up to it probably being meant for someone else (wrong).

 

While reading his messages, to my horror, my phone slipped and I accidentally called him…then hung up after a couple seconds. He called me back almost immediately. I text him saying the call was an accident and reiterated that talking is not a good idea and told him not to call me. He responds by saying: “Wow you are really dealing with me harshly” “Anyways can you assist me in anyway” “That was what I was calling about though”. WTH?! Did he not hear what I said? I said talking is not a good idea. HOW did he think it was appropriate to ask me to assist him with something (I’m assuming the 'loan' he mentioned earlier).

 

This is beyond crossing boundaries now. I thought that maybe we could be (somewhat) cordial one day in the distant future, but this has really changed things.

 

You know before coming here, I was blinded by kindness that people are not all just about themselves. I've read that ex's are ex's for a reason and cheaters will always be cheaters. Sometimes I would like to think my ex is not in that zone, but for you, yup. I would have to say the rule applies. Just change your number and get yourself away from him. Jeez, he goes beyond common sense. He sounds selfish beyond belief. To ask your ex that you cheated on for a loan? Might as well just rip your heart out and pour salt and vinegar on it.

 

Gotta say, you had some good instincts. Letting go and moving on was a great choice. Bravoooooo! Hope you got your number changed.

Happy holidays from a LoveShacker wishing you the best and a healthy new relationship someday

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

[JourneyToFindMe]

You know before coming here, I was blinded by kindness that people are not all just about themselves. I've read that ex's are ex's for a reason and cheaters will always be cheaters. Sometimes I would like to think my ex is not in that zone, but for you, yup. I would have to say the rule applies. Just change your number and get yourself away from him. Jeez, he goes beyond common sense. He sounds selfish beyond belief. To ask your ex that you cheated on for a loan? Might as well just rip your heart out and pour salt and vinegar on it.

 

Gotta say, you had some good instincts. Letting go and moving on was a great choice. Bravoooooo! Hope you got your number changed.

Happy holidays from a LoveShacker wishing you the best and a healthy new relationship someday

 

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

Thank you whatdeww18. I appreciate your well wishes. I wish the same for you as well!

 

Selfish is an understatement. I'm starting to wonder if its something mental or psychological.

 

Of all the people he could ask for a loan, he chose to ask his ex who he cheated on and has been breaking boundaries with by contacting her from different numbers even though she said that she would rather not communicate.

 

The one time I decided to be polite by returning a holiday greeting, this is what happened. Never again.

[BlkVelvet]

Thank you whatdeww18. I appreciate your well wishes. I wish the same for you as well!

 

Selfish is an understatement. I'm starting to wonder if its something mental or psychological.

 

Of all the people he could ask for a loan, he chose to ask his ex who he cheated on and has been breaking boundaries with by contacting her from different numbers even though she said that she would rather not communicate.

 

The one time I decided to be polite by returning a holiday greeting, this is what happened. Never again.

 

 

Honestly, he sounds like a sociopath. Do not speak to this nutjob ever again. The NERVE of him! Unbelievable.

[BC1980]

Well, some (unfortunate) things have unfolded that has made me come to the conclusion that changing my number is for the best. He sent me a text yesterday saying ‘Happy holidays’. Yes guys, the Christmas text. Wanting to be polite (mistake! you were right PegNose Pete), I decided, to just reply with a simple “Same to you”, nothing more. He replied by thanking me and also thanked me for responding. Fine. That was that.

 

Boy oh boy, was I in for something today. I woke up to texts from him that basically said that he really misses me, he was wrong , he hopes I am ok and happy and said that he is not happy. This was a little after midnight. I shrugged it off and stayed silent. Then in the late-ish morning while I was in a meeting he texts “Can you lend me a loan??” and proceeded to call me and sends some more texts “Can you talk?” “Y aren’t you answering my calls”. I found the text bolded beyond strange because I haven’t spoken to him in over 8 months..and our last correspondence did not end well. Anyways, I chalked the text up to it probably being meant for someone else (wrong).

 

While reading his messages, to my horror, my phone slipped and I accidentally called him…then hung up after a couple seconds. He called me back almost immediately. I text him saying the call was an accident and reiterated that talking is not a good idea and told him not to call me. He responds by saying: “Wow you are really dealing with me harshly” “Anyways can you assist me in anyway” “That was what I was calling about though”. WTH?! Did he not hear what I said? I said talking is not a good idea. HOW did he think it was appropriate to ask me to assist him with something (I’m assuming the 'loan' he mentioned earlier).

 

This is beyond crossing boundaries now. I thought that maybe we could be (somewhat) cordial one day in the distant future, but this has really changed things.

 

I thought you said you blocked him? How can he text or call you?

[marky00]

 

Don't let him guilt you into anything. That he's framing the situation like this shows that even if he does care about you, he's still predominantly focused on what he wants.

 

I think this is it in a nutshell.

 

 

My Ex just contacted me after 5 months NC. Prior to that she totally ghosted me and made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with me. Honestly, the contact has just astounded me. I have no idea why she contacted me but one reason may be she is so self-absorbed and selfish that she believes she also dictates how things will go down post-breakup. It's all on their time schedule. They have zero empathy.

[stillafool]

I thought you said you blocked him? How can he text or call you?

 

Yes if you block him he won't be able to text you or call. Block him and then change your number should do the trick.

[preraph]

Why are you still letting him control you? Block your phone number or change it. Block him from all social media and call the police if he shows up at your house or work or follows you anywhere.