dogman25 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 STORY ------------------ I am a photographer and ive worked with two times over a coarse of 2 months. I worked with her for a week again as she was my makeup artist. Still just a model to me but we got a tiny bit closer from talking. From Then she began texting almost everyday and I'd casually talk. She comes to my town for a few days 2 months after for an event and we hang out the last night and we finally get physical and again i still just see her as a friend and have no emotions. Almost another 2 months of us texting everyday and skyping. Shes into me big time, the things she sent me randomly prove this lol. I invite her out here to go to disneyland for the weekend. She ends up coming for a week as shes really thinking about moving here for her career. We spend a lot of the week together and sparks fly for me. Disney did it. After disney before she left i said i like you a lot and and i dont do long distances but if you moved here id want to get more serious. Her response was that she liked me to and she wants to stay friends and if she moved here and if it ended up leading to something more that would be great. 5 Days later she was my makeup artist in Miami for 4 days, again to me great. After the trip around thanksgiving shes missing me from her texts. A week later I asked her to be crystal clear what she wants since she dragged her feet when i asked about NYE plans. Her response was that her Ex that she broke up with in July of 3 years has came back and after 3 years of no affection, hes showing lots of that. Shes confused and leaning towards giving him another chance. ------------------------------ Im pretty deep in depression as its been a few years since ive had these feelings or a relationship. To me I should be able to just move on and stay friends, especially when that was how i felt until the disney trip. Logically I get that theres a lot of things that wouldnt have made this work: she lives in another city, she doesnt have a great working situation, shes not as conservative as im looking for etc. But my emotions say something different. Im a 30 year old photographer shooting beautiful models all year. What is wrong with me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Until she gets over this other guy, there is no long term future. Just a fleeting rebound until she wavers again. If you can't just go back to being friends without any romantic emotional attachment or hopes, you'd be best to cut her out completely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 i said i like you a lot and and i dont do long distances Until she moves to Orange County, she is hearing that you don't do long distances, so what's the point in investing? She's not in a place to even be contemplating anything with you since she's got a mess she needs to be cleaning up with her ex. Keep on with your life. If she moves to your area and she's free and done with her ex, then if you feel like and are free yourself, look her up. Otherwise, you pretty much put her on notice of your boundary and she's not in a place to scale it right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Until she moves to Orange County, she is hearing that you don't do long distances, so what's the point in investing? She's not in a place to even be contemplating anything with you since she's got a mess she needs to be cleaning up with her ex. Keep on with your life. If she moves to your area and she's free and done with her ex, then if you feel like and are free yourself, look her up. Otherwise, you pretty much put her on notice of your boundary and she's not in a place to scale it right now. Yep, you told her you don't do long distance. Now you want to do long distance? She's allowed to drag her feet whether she wants to hang with you or not. The two of you aren't in a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Its tough because of the emotion attachment. Times like right now im thinking clearly and just go oh well theres always another one and she wasnt perfect. But then theres times like waking up in the morning where I get a deep pit in my stomach feel like im in a dark place. Link to post Share on other sites
avf Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Brother you got the case of heartbreak..happens when we open our hearts all the time....How can you handle it....man i wish I knew the answer but it helps to go out and meet other women & snuff out the hope(harsh but works!) Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaDiane Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 It's natural that you feel this way. She doesn't know what to choose and you are the less familiar side of the coin flip in her mind. At this point it is safe to say that you should move on. Maybe you will find someone that fits you better, or maybe she will come back after her relationship goes awry a second time. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Its tough because of the emotion attachment. The emotional attachment was made with who you want her to be, not with who she actually is. But then theres times like waking up in the morning where I get a deep pit in my stomach feel like im in a dark place. You're not in a dark place. You are in a place surrounded by light because you stood in your truth and spoke it. She decided that the price of your truth was too high an emotional price for her at this time. I dunno--if you hadn't thrown down that gauntlet, she may have kept her mouth shut about her feelings for her ex. As it is, she decided that he was worth a second chance because you won't serve as a distraction for her. You are far ahead of the curve. You stated what you needed and she pretty much buttressed your boundaries by telling you she's not emotionally done with her ex. It would have been a lot of time wasted guessing if she's still texting and talking to her ex, if she still wanted to be with him. You dodged a bullet. She might be cute and hawt, but she's messy, she's not done with her mess. That's not what you want to link your life to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 The emotional attachment was made with who you want her to be, not with who she actually is. You're not in a dark place. You are in a place surrounded by light because you stood in your truth and spoke it. She decided that the price of your truth was too high an emotional price for her at this time. I dunno--if you hadn't thrown down that gauntlet, she may have kept her mouth shut about her feelings for her ex. As it is, she decided that he was worth a second chance because you won't serve as a distraction for her. You are far ahead of the curve. You stated what you needed and she pretty much buttressed your boundaries by telling you she's not emotionally done with her ex. It would have been a lot of time wasted guessing if she's still texting and talking to her ex, if she still wanted to be with him. You dodged a bullet. She might be cute and hawt, but she's messy, she's not done with her mess. That's not what you want to link your life to. Thank you for the words of wisdom. I see the red flags and I see where things wouldn't have worked out, I mean for a few months I was only approaching the situation as fun nothing emotional. I just need to get my mind right. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 She lives too far away. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I feel bad for OP as Disney™ is everywhere; a constant reminder. Kidding aside, OP, I'm stoked you realized what's up with her. It was a great weekend but red flags trump good times, trust me on this one. Would you or have you ever dated a model you photographed? Cool profession by the way, congrats on what sounds to me like awesome travel-the-globe success. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Is hooking up with models you photograph a normal thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 UPDATE: So after xmas shes comes to my hometown for shooting with photographer good friend. I suck it up and come along as a friend. Shes very friendly but not flirty on the first day. Second day after a long day of shooting I took her back to her hotel room. The whole day we had our chemistry going strong. After she invites me up to sleep there since I lived far and was exhausted im laying in her bed. She lays next to me and i ask to cuddle and we do. The i ask to kiss and she wanted to talk. She repeated everything as she did a month ago, shes back with her ex to give him another shot. She had feelings for me and wanted to come out here really to see me and tell me in person. I reminded her we cuddled and she got upset when i mentioned. I said I shouldnt and went in for a kiss and she put up a fight for a second but then had no walls and we slept together. The next daytheres more shooting in a studio and she is drinkin g a bit and shes touching me and grabbing me and being very flirty now. pushing me against the wall as we passed each other making out. Again I take her back and we sleep together. Last day I dont see her until the night for a quick 30 minutes. She walked me to my car rather than just saying bye and we said our byes alone. As I get in the car she comes up to me and starts kissing me. I drive off... What a mind ****..... Since then... shes commenting/liking on my stuff on social media but as far as texting goes shes been pretty blunt and not really giving me much like how we used to communicate. I know the right answer is to ditch her, shes a cheater... getting back with an ex who finally put his walls down and treat her better just to have her a week or 2 later come to philly for me to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 It's not fair of her to expect she can have both of you. I'd cut contact unless she is getting in touch (and very soon) to say she's choosing you instead of her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 UPDATE: Since then... shes commenting/liking on my stuff on social media but as far as texting goes shes been pretty blunt and not really giving me much like how we used to communicate. I know the right answer is to ditch her, shes a cheater... getting back with an ex who finally put his walls down and treat her better just to have her a week or 2 later come to philly for me to do this. seriously....imagine dating her and her travelling all the time, and knowing this. She's a cheater, that's why her ex's walls were up I bet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 (edited) So there is this drop dead gorgeous model who lives in another state. Ive hung out with her a bunch of times over 4-5 months. Id say we hung out enough where we got very intimate. Towards the end of the year after spending prob a week or so worth of days together, I asked about NYE over skype and she responded that her Ex she broke up with 4-5 months ago came back. Some 50 year guy (shes in her late 20s) who she said never gave her affection now changed completely and shes giving him another chance. For all of December I kept my distance and she ends up coming to my hometown the same week I was home for the holidays to do a photoshoot with a friend of mine. We hung out then for the few days shes in town. I find out in her hotel room that she only came here to tell me she had feelings and wanted to tell me the same things she said over skype a month ago: Im back with my ex and i want to be friends. I make a move after the talk and her wall went down fast, we slept together. The next day she was very flirty with me and kissing me in public. We slept together again. Her last day I said goodbye to her and as I was about to leave she runs into the car to kiss me bye. So the week following new years eve. we texted but there wasnt the same back and forth. She would tag me or comment on my stuff on social media each day. The following week she would say i hope you are having a great day a couple days in a row... Shes becoming more warm with the texting back and forth... Then suddenly she got cold again and not hearing from her for a few days.... ------------------- What a tough situation right? If my emotions were out of it... this would be a great situation to have fun. Because she got under my skin, its a pretty ****ty situation. Part of me keeps thinking she has feeling for me but shes confused and is having ups n downs like I am. I see the red flag with her cheating on her bf. Edited January 16, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator threads merged ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 My advice is the same as your last thread; seriously....imagine dating her and her travelling all the time, and knowing this. She's a cheater, that's why her ex's walls were up I bet. She is using you to feed her ego while her older man takes care of her in other ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 The Eagle's song Lyin Eyes pretty much sume it up. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Well, sorry that happened. Those pesky exes. Chances are he only reunited with her because he heard she was seeing some guy (you) and decided to see if she still would pick him over anyone else. It sucks. I would just try to forget about it for awhile and tell her "call me when you're over your ex." Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted January 16, 2017 Author Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah pretty much... when she was out of town a while with me he didnt see her and started fearing hed lose her is what she said. Between me and my friend who knows her... we don't think she is a bad person with ill intent, just someone who is confused and I know for a fact, she wants to feel wanted. She cried to me about this last year when I did something that got her upset. I didn't stop to grab coffee on our way somewhere and she started crying about she just wants to feel wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 16, 2017 Share Posted January 16, 2017 Yeah pretty much... when she was out of town a while with me he didnt see her and started fearing hed lose her is what she said. Between me and my friend who knows her... we don't think she is a bad person with ill intent, just someone who is confused and I know for a fact, she wants to feel wanted. She cried to me about this last year when I did something that got her upset. I didn't stop to grab coffee on our way somewhere and she started crying about she just wants to feel wanted. yeah...run run far from this one. "I only cheated because I wanted to feel wanted"... You will be on the other end of that soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogman25 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Thanks for your advice. I haven't contacted in in two weeks but when she has I respond. I haven't heard from her in a few days so I thought about texting today but I won't. My issues are less her and more me. Being single for a few years and not having these feelings for someone in 7 years... I think my funk was built up inside and she let it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
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