Why do some women act this way?

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think most men really care about partner count in the past.

It's more about - "Oh that's the guy you've secretly been seeing for the past 4 years behind your husbands and his wife's back, yet I'm supposed to trust you that you're just having lunch together?"

 

I really don't care if you're a porn star who slept with 200+ men ... in your 20s.

 

But the guy you went and saw in your work bathroom while we're together? Uh, exit is that way --->

 

Frankly, stick around on here and you'll see otherwise.

 

A LOT of guys get insecure about HER partner-count. Or even if she has MALE FRIENDS.

 

Yes of course most people would be put off by prior skeevyness as well.

 

Many aren't though, and then are "shocked" when the partner they cheated with cheats on them.

 

In conclusion: everyone's gross.

 

(Just kidding)

[Springsummer]

Or she settles on you if you are high-count and she's not, which is a disappointment. (The last scenario is myself and my husband. Very bitter pill for myself but that's the package it came with. My ex was a virgin, I much preferred that.)

 

This!

 

I feel losing out now...I should get some numbers too while I can! has to be equal.

[elaine567]

]I don't think most men really care about partner count in the past.[/b]

 

I do not think that is true at all, so many men are hung up on their partner's racy past.

Retroactive jealousy is a real thing and men get obsessed with the guys she slept with and the things she did with them. He compares himself to the hot guys, the guys with the "huge" penises, the guys that may even have used and abused her but he feels "lesser than".

All was fine when the virgin became the wife and the mother of his kids, not so good when she can outdo him in the sleeping around stakes and when he walks down the street he sees all the guys she fooled around with.

Many men may put up with high count women and say it doesn't matter, but when they look around for a woman who is "wife material" most still look for the "good" girl. The one their mother would approve of, the one who is not going to embarrass him later on, the one without the videos...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I do not think that is true at all, so many men are hung up on their partner's racy past.

Retroactive jealousy is a real thing and men get obsessed with the guys she slept with and the things she did with them. He compares himself to the hot guys, the guys with the "huge" penises, the guys that may even have used and abused her but he feels "lesser than".

All was fine when the virgin became the wife and the mother of his kids, not so good when she can outdo him in the sleeping around stakes and when he walks down the street he sees all the guys she fooled around with.

Many men may put up with high count women and say it doesn't matter, but when they look around for a woman who is "wife material" most still look for the "good" girl. The one their mother would approve of, the one who is not going to embarrass him later on, the one without the videos...

 

I agree, we look for a "good girl" for wife material, definitely.

And "bad people" change their ways all the time, or adjust and adapt.

But because you label someone "bad" doesn't mean someone else won't think of them as "good".

If she was a porn star, who cares?! If she's a current porn star, well, that'd take some getting used to, and I'd imagine it'd definitely take some thick skin in order to not let other people get under your skin.

 

I do agree, retroactive jealousy is a thing. I mean, I definitely would ask questions as to "why me" if her ex looked like a supermodel and had a 12 incher. But, then again, she's with me, right?

 

Unless you uncover messages that she wishes she's still with him. Then of course your jealousy is going to be fueled by her denial of what is so obvious.

 

It's the stuff that happens currently that makes or breaks the relationship.

 

"Don't judge a book by it's cover" they all say. Yet, if the cover says "WARNING: SHE'LL CHEAT ON YOU WITH HER EX", I'd imagine a lot of guys will take heed, and the ones that don't, will either find out firsthand that the warning was a lie, or the truth.

 

And then move on.

[dreamingoftigers]

This!

 

I feel losing out now...I should get some numbers too while I can! has to be equal.

 

No, no it doesn't.

 

It's not a race to the trough.

[DannyCA]

IMHO, whomever you set up in front of a sexual buffet will pig out at it if left to their own devices and having no other accountability.

 

60 years ago, you didn't dare screw around as a woman because there were harsh social,religious and shameful consequences for it.

 

Men, on the other hand..... We're looked at as being "virile" etc. And if he slept with a woman outside of his relationship it was because "she threw herself at him, the vile temptress." Or she was a "bad girl" because she ran out of options and ended up prostituting herself.

 

Somewhere along the line we started figuring out that was a bunch of garbage.

 

Instead of collectively saying "hey, how about we ALL stop behaving like pigs at the trough." We decided instead to say "we are women, let's do the SAME THINGS men have been entitled to. Equality, y'know."

 

So now, many of us do. Congratulations, we are the women you warned us about LMAO.

 

The problem is that the math never worked anyways. A lot of young men figure, "I'll mess around with 10-20-30 women and then " settle down" with a "good girl" who has MAYBE had a guy or two.

 

Except.......many young men think this, and given women are 51% of the population, where exactly do men think they are going to find her? And frankly, if she lived by a moral code of not jumping on every dick in sight, why would she want a guy that screwed everything with a pulse. (Because woman often have standards to eh?)

 

So someone, somewhere along the way has to settle on something. Either you take a high-count partner. Or no partner. Or she settles on you if you are high-count and she's not, which is a disappointment. (The last scenario is myself and my husband. Very bitter pill for myself but that's the package it came with. My ex was a virgin, I much preferred that.)

 

So yes, this brave new world of technology has given everyone direct access to their short-term desires and they knee-cap themselves in the long run.

 

Or they desensitize themselves and do "polyamory" where "everyone is special" which means no one is.

 

Thanks Tinder.

 

You touched on so many things that I've always thought. Men who sleep with tons of women and throw them away like they are nothing are asses. I've talked to many women (but let me state that I know they don't speak for the entire gender) that they sleep with man after man and drop them because it's like leveling the playing field. But it's not, it's just keeping the cycle of promiscuity and heartbreak going.

 

To know your partner has had many sexual partners is a tough pill to swallow, but it really shouldn't matter. It's only when people are afraid of not being even do they go sleep around to raise their number. I think it has to do with insecurity.

 

You touch on technology and I couldn't agree with how you stated it more. One of the reasons I believe many millennial's don't want to settle down before 30 is technology. Think about it, if I really wanted to I can get up from my laptop, drive to the airport while video chatting someone on the other side of the world, while buying my plane ticket (all of which with a touch of a button on my touch screen phone). This wasn't possible 15 years ago.

 

So with such a vast array of "futuristic" technology so readily available to the masses, why would you want to settle down so soon? This burst of technology inherently makes you feel as if anything is possible and makes you want to do as much as you can before you settle down, which means screwing as many people as you can. That's not the main reason for not settling down early, but it does come with the package.

[DannyCA]

I do not think that is true at all, so many men are hung up on their partner's racy past.

Retroactive jealousy is a real thing and men get obsessed with the guys she slept with and the things she did with them. He compares himself to the hot guys, the guys with the "huge" penises, the guys that may even have used and abused her but he feels "lesser than".

All was fine when the virgin became the wife and the mother of his kids, not so good when she can outdo him in the sleeping around stakes and when he walks down the street he sees all the guys she fooled around with.

Many men may put up with high count women and say it doesn't matter, but when they look around for a woman who is "wife material" most still look for the "good" girl. The one their mother would approve of, the one who is not going to embarrass him later on, the one without the videos...

 

But looking for the "good girl" is not strictly a male trait. Surely a woman doesn't want a man who has slept with 50 women. Jealousy is not solely a male trait, it is a human trait. When someone's girlfriend asks him if he thinks "jane doe" is pretty what does that mean? That is stemming from a place of jealousy and/or insecurity. A man shouldn't worry about the penis size of his gf's ex nor should a woman care about how pretty her bf's ex is.

 

And of course a man doesn't want a woman with videos that will embarrass him, you act as if a woman would be peachy keen with her bf having videos of him having sex with other women.

 

Everyone has to accept the fact that their partner has a sexual past before them, but why would you want the proof to be available to see?

[AMJ]

I'm not sure I can make any sense of this.

 

You like having a RS with no strings attached. That's a FWB.

 

You don't want to be in a serious RS, but when you go out on a date, you need a little real people time with her, even if you're not looking for a full-fledged girlfriend. I get that.

 

If you're casually sleeping with a woman, you're not talking to other girls.

 

So what I hear is that you want to have an FWB who actually likes you as a person, doesn't just want the sex, but also wants to go on actual dates and do stuff with you. A person who actually wants to be your good friend, someone who really knows you, and if you could find that woman, that kind of relationship would satisfy you. You would not pursue multiple relationships with other women.

I assume you would expect the same in kind.

 

What you're looking for is a real find. They're out there, but they won't last forever. Nobody stays on the fence for too long.

 

OP you didn't reply to this, but this is why you're confused. It's partially a double-standard, and partially a unicorn situation you're looking for.

 

If you only want casual sex, you're going to find partners who want the same. Yet you disapprove of their engaging in casual sex for all sorts of reasons.

 

You want a more substantial relationship, but not one "with strings attached", which means you want feelings but not too many feelings! She can't get hooked and want to call you her boyfriend, but she also can't date other people.

 

You can't really have it both ways, without dealing with this frustration you're dealing with. Basically you view relationships from a pretty self-serving standpoint.

 

All in all, everything you're talking about is a millennial issue, yes, but it has nothing to do with being a "millennial" and everything to do with being in your 20s. As you get older, you'll want to spend less time dealing with BS and you'll have a better sense of who and what you're looking for yourself, so all the "strings attached" won't seem like such a bad thing.

[elaine567]

But looking for the "good girl" is not strictly a male trait. Surely a woman doesn't want a man who has slept with 50 women. Jealousy is not solely a male trait, it is a human trait. When someone's girlfriend asks him if he thinks "jane doe" is pretty what does that mean? That is stemming from a place of jealousy and/or insecurity. A man shouldn't worry about the penis size of his gf's ex nor should a woman care about how pretty her bf's ex is.

 

And of course a man doesn't want a woman with videos that will embarrass him, you act as if a woman would be peachy keen with her bf having videos of him having sex with other women.

 

Everyone has to accept the fact that their partner has a sexual past before them, but why would you want the proof to be available to see?

 

I was in fact specifically replying to DrReplyInRhymes assertion that MEN do not care about a woman's past, so I merely limited my answer to the subject being discussed.

[DannyCA]

I was in fact specifically replying to DrReplyInRhymes assertion that MEN do not care about a woman's past, so I merely limited my answer to the subject being discussed.

 

 

He stated that most men do not care about a woman's past, when I would have to disagree and say most men do care about her past. But at the same time I think most women care about a man's past. It goes both ways and I think you failed to mention that.

 

He also said that their past shouldn't matter, only the "right now".

 

So you weren't really limited, you chose to leave out the fact that jealousy is a human trait, not solely a male one. You chose to leave out the good point that he believes that the past shouldn't matter. In doing so you made it seem that ONLY men are capable of being jealous and that's not fair nor true.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's been my experience that practically all men(in their minds, anyway) want to secure virgins-or at least women that haven't been with the entire football team, and practically all woman see a man with little to no sexual experience as somehow weak or diminished....

 

As they say....Your results may vary...

 

TFY

[elaine567]

He stated that most men do not care about a woman's past, when I would have to disagree and say most men do care about her past. But at the same time I think most women care about a man's past. It goes both ways and I think you failed to mention that.

 

He also said that their past shouldn't matter, only the "right now".

 

So you weren't really limited, you chose to leave out the fact that jealousy is a human trait, not solely a male one. You chose to leave out the good point that he believes that the past shouldn't matter. In doing so you made it seem that ONLY men are capable of being jealous and that's not fair nor true.

 

That is YOUR interpretation, as I said previously I answered HIS point as regards MEN, there was no need to make it general or expand it into being about women.

If you want to assume things, then that is on you.

[DannyCA]

That is YOUR interpretation, as I said previously I answered HIS point as regards MEN, there was no need to make it general or expand it into being about women.

If you want to assume things, then that is on you.

 

Ok my man, check it out. I was addressing YOUR point in regards to how most men feel about a partners past number. And in doing so I agreed more with you than DrReplyInRhymes. By you saying there's no need to make it general or expand it into being about women (which I didn't, I just stated that both genders get jealous), you are saying that only men are capable of being jealous.

 

You talk about assuming things but when you replied to DrReplyInRhymes, you assumed that majority of men get hung up about his partners ex's penis size, her outdoing him in numbers, him only caring if his mother approves, him stressing whether she has videos, and whether she has so many partners that he'll run into them on the street.

 

So to me it seems like you're the only one assuming. I'm trying to be fair in attempting to analyze and discuss a sensitive topic. From your posts it seems as if you are trying to push an agenda and be biased.