Why do some women act this way?

[DannyCA]

Before I start I know that men act the same way too.

 

Everyone I talk about are 22 to 25.

 

Lately I have been finding it difficult to want to date or even want to hook up with the women in my town (which is also a college town). I could be over thinking it but I can't help but feel a bit of uneasiness from most of their actions.

 

I can't say I'm any saint, but I've found that most of the women I spend time with mostly talk about their relationship problems. And when I say RS problems, I mean they have a hard time deciding which new guy they want to sleep with this week. They are completely addicted to the attention they get on tinder and bumble.

 

One close friend of mine had two sexual partners by 22. After a breakup, in less than a year, she probably jumped to around 20.

 

Another one of my friends met a guy one weekend and said she was going to marry him, she said she was done sleeping around. While she was very convincing, I knew she was just smitten, I knew it wouldn't last even though I wanted to be wrong. She was faithful to the "love of her life" for 3 weeks. In her defense she had "needs".

 

I guess I have trust issues because I have been cheated on and unfortunately I have been the other man to a woman twice (both times I was told after we had hooked up).

 

It's just off putting, because most of these women love the idea of sleeping with guy after guy, getting them on a hook, then throwing them away.

 

Seeing women act this way makes me not want to fall for a lot of the women I meet because I don't know if this is the kind of girl they are. I understand I can't judge all women on a small sample size of the women I know, but it's hard not to have preconceived notions.

 

This has really been bothering me lately so I was curious what other people think? Is this a millennial issue or have these issues always been around? Is what these girls do some kind of empowerment move? Would it bother women to know that their bf has slept with countless women? Would it bother men to know their gf has slept with countless men? Should your number ever matter?

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like you need to spend time around a different crowd. There have been people sleeping around as long as society has existed, but there is also a great deal of people looking for serious relationships and with a different set of values.

 

No, a number shouldn't matter. Values change and later in life someone with a lot of previous partners can make a wonderful monogamous mate.

 

Currently these people you're spending time with have values that you may not be looking for. Makes sense to spend time elsewhere and meet new people.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Is this about the number of sex partners or how they treat the men they sleep with?

 

 

Because I see it as two different and separate things.

[Satu]

snip

I guess I have trust issues because I have been cheated on and unfortunately I have been the other man to a woman twice (both times I was told after we had hooked up).

 

Don't "hook up," if you want a real relationship.

 

Casual sex is for shallow people.

 

Don't be one.

 

 

Take care.

[DannyCA]

Is this about the number of sex partners or how they treat the men they sleep with?

 

 

Because I see it as two different and separate things.

 

You're right they are two separate things. What's your thoughts on both?

[Shanex]

Aye, you're hanging out with people who aren't in the same mindset. Look for on your own a match, in a different milieu. Since you are looking for something serious and long-term.

[DannyCA]

snip

 

 

Don't "hook up," if you want a real relationship.

 

Casual sex is for shallow people.

 

Don't be one.

 

 

Take care.

 

And I get that but I haven't wanted to be in a RS in a long time. I feel a lot of people get into a relationships because they are bored and scared of being alone. I don't think I am comfortable enough with where I am as a person to be able to give myself wholly to another.

 

Sounds like you need to spend time around a different crowd. There have been people sleeping around as long as society has existed, but there is also a great deal of people looking for serious relationships and with a different set of values.

 

No, a number shouldn't matter. Values change and later in life someone with a lot of previous partners can make a wonderful monogamous mate.

 

Currently these people you're spending time with have values that you may not be looking for. Makes sense to spend time elsewhere and meet new people.

 

But this isn't just my friends. There are also acquaintances, etc that I know of that I do not spend time with that do the same. I mentioned a small sample of my friends who do this but I didn't mention the sample of my friends who are in monogamous relationships.

[Michelle ma Belle]

You're right they are two separate things. What's your thoughts on both?

 

It doesn't matter MY thoughts since I'm not the one who started the thread with issues on the subject.

 

What are YOUR thoughts? Which one bothers you the most?

 

Having a long list of sexual partners does not automatically make someone an ego-maniacal man-eating heartless b*tch after all.

 

You can have many partners and still be a decent caring and thoughtful human being who respects people and relationships after all.

 

You need to get straight which one is more frightening to you because they don't necessary go hand in hand.

[Springsummer]

You're right they are two separate things. What's your thoughts on both?

 

I think it's 2 sides of the same coin. If you slept with a lot, chances are you care less and treat them more disposable and less precious.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think it's 2 sides of the same coin. If you slept with a lot, chances are you care less and treat them more disposable and less precious.

 

Sorry but this is a ridiculous theory.

[Satu]

snip

I don't think I am comfortable enough with where I am as a person to be able to give myself wholly to another.

 

If that's the case, what are you able to give that would make a dalliance with you an appealing proposition?

 

Whats the difference between you and all the guys out there who just want sex for its own sake?

[Springsummer]

This has really been bothering me lately so I was curious what other people think? Is this a millennial issue or have these issues always been around? Is what these girls do some kind of empowerment move? Would it bother women to know that their bf has slept with countless women? Would it bother men to know their gf has slept with countless men? Should your number ever matter?

 

Thank you OP for starting this thread for me. I have the same questions, only it's about men instead of women.

 

I think guys who slept with a lot of women are trashes. I don't like them and I don't want them! but unfortunately, all decent looking guys seem to be like that.

 

I think I am going to be single forever! Maybe I should do the same! but I can hardly find any man attractive enough! and again, once I found one or two attractive and they are trashes, which turn off my appetite.

 

These questions bother me tons for the longest time and I have no solution for myself.

 

This guy, I thought he looks serious and thought he liked me....God, turns out he is adding women on his facebook every week! what am I supposed to think why? can I assume they are all innocent?

 

I thought he is the kind of guy for me and I like him wholly...now I don't think I can like a womanizer, not to mention wholly. what a joke! How look could be so deceiving. I feel like a total idiot. I don't know the ABC of how this world and how men work!

 

I have needs too, but men are too gross!

Edited December 12, 2016 by Springsummer

[GunslingerRoland]

snip

 

 

If that's the case, what are you able to give that would make a dalliance with you an appealing proposition?

 

Whats the difference between you and all the guys out there who just want sex for its own sake?

 

I think this question sums up the irony of the entire thread.

 

"I keep trying to meet strange women to sleep with, but everyone of them has no morals because she sleeps with random men. What is wrong with them?"

 

You can't have it both ways, if you want to have casual sex, it's going to be with women who approve of casual sex. If you don't want a woman who believes in casual sex, then make it clear you are looking for a long term relationship only and you want to wait for sex.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I think this question sums up the irony of the entire thread.

 

"I keep trying to meet strange women to sleep with, but everyone of them has no morals because she sleeps with random men. What is wrong with them?"

 

You can't have it both ways, if you want to have casual sex, it's going to be with women who approve of casual sex. If you don't want a woman who believes in casual sex, then make it clear you are looking for a long term relationship only and you want to wait for sex.

 

**drops the mic**

 

[DannyCA]

I think this question sums up the irony of the entire thread.

 

"I keep trying to meet strange women to sleep with, but everyone of them has no morals because she sleeps with random men. What is wrong with them?"

 

You can't have it both ways, if you want to have casual sex, it's going to be with women who approve of casual sex. If you don't want a woman who believes in casual sex, then make it clear you are looking for a long term relationship only and you want to wait for sex.

 

I don't know where you got the idea that I'm trying to sleep with random women but then don't agree with their morals. I asked simple questions and gave you a little backstory to why I'm asking these questions.

 

If you actually read the beginning you would see that I stated it's hard for me to want to date or hookup lately. Its been quite some time since I have just casually hooked up

 

 

It doesn't matter MY thoughts since I'm not the one who started the thread with issues on the subject.

 

What are YOUR thoughts? Which one bothers you the most?

 

Having a long list of sexual partners does not automatically make someone an ego-maniacal man-eating heartless b*tch after all.

 

You can have many partners and still be a decent caring and thoughtful human being who respects people and relationships after all.

 

You need to get straight which one is more frightening to you because they don't necessary go hand in hand.

 

**drops the mic**

 

 

 

Why would you "drop mic"? Here I am asking honest questions while giving you some backstory to why I'm asking these questions. I just wanted to open up some quality dialogue. And why wouldn't it matter what you think on the subject?? Should I talk air instead of you? Cause you both would give me just about the same to go on

 

Thanks for the quality input lady

[DannyCA]

snip

 

 

If that's the case, what are you able to give that would make a dalliance with you an appealing proposition?

 

Whats the difference between you and all the guys out there who just want sex for its own sake?

 

I can't really say there is much. My thing is I like having a RS without the strings attached. I don't want to be in a serious RS but when I'm with a woman I like to take her out, I like to give her my attention, I like hear about her life. If I'm casually sleeping with a woman, I'm not talking to any other girls. I've always made my intentions clear in the beginning.

 

 

I think it's 2 sides of the same coin. If you slept with a lot, chances are you care less and treat them more disposable and less precious.

 

I can't say it is the same case for every man or woman, but I think this is typically true. If a guy sleeps with 100 woman or vice versa, there's probably more than half of those people who fancied a RS and you treated them as disposable. So I see your point

[elaine567]

YOU appear to want a "wholesome" woman who is NOT sleeping around, yet you do not want to be in a real relationship, you want "casual".

So what does this "wholesome" woman gain from dating you?

Merely another notch on her bedpost, a notch she can well do without if she is actively trying to keep her numbers low.

"Wholesome" women do not do casual and NSA sex, they want men who want real relationships, anything else she sees as a waste of her time.

[DannyCA]

YOU appear to want a "wholesome" woman who is NOT sleeping around, yet you do not want to be in a real relationship, you want "casual".

So what does this "wholesome" woman gain from dating you?

Merely another notch on her bedpost, a notch she can well do without if she is actively trying to keep her numbers low.

"Wholesome" women do not do casual and NSA sex, they want men who want real relationships, anything else she sees as a waste of her time.

 

 

And anything else a wholesome woman should see as a waste of time. As I stated I haven't wanted to date or hook up casually as of late because I do not feel like I am where I need to be as a person. So that means I can't be good for a wholesome woman. Which is also why I haven't had NSA sex in quite some time (which I stated earlier). But if you took the time to read you would have known that.

 

Thanks for giving me your perspective on the questions I asked

[carolann]

I understand where you are coming from on this. I have a decently large circle of friends ranging from age 22-30. Most of them are more into casual dating and hooking up. The smaller number are in relationships. I am the oddball of my friendship circle being married. I think that it is much more common for millennials, both male and female, to be interested in casual dating/hooking up than an LTR. That being said, when you do feel ready to date or pursue a relationship with someone, there's a good chance you'll need to deal with them having a sexual past that is different than the ideal that you have in mind, but if there's enough of a spark perhaps you'll be able to overlook it.

[LargoLagg]

I can't really say there is much. My thing is I like having a RS without the strings attached. I don't want to be in a serious RS but when I'm with a woman I like to take her out, I like to give her my attention, I like hear about her life. If I'm casually sleeping with a woman, I'm not talking to any other girls. I've always made my intentions clear in the beginning.

I'm not sure I can make any sense of this.

 

You like having a RS with no strings attached. That's a FWB.

 

You don't want to be in a serious RS, but when you go out on a date, you need a little real people time with her, even if you're not looking for a full-fledged girlfriend. I get that.

 

If you're casually sleeping with a woman, you're not talking to other girls.

 

So what I hear is that you want to have an FWB who actually likes you as a person, doesn't just want the sex, but also wants to go on actual dates and do stuff with you. A person who actually wants to be your good friend, someone who really knows you, and if you could find that woman, that kind of relationship would satisfy you. You would not pursue multiple relationships with other women.

I assume you would expect the same in kind.

 

What you're looking for is a real find. They're out there, but they won't last forever. Nobody stays on the fence for too long.

[Gloria25]

I can't really say there is much. My thing is I like having a RS without the strings attached. I don't want to be in a serious RS but when I'm with a woman I like to take her out, I like to give her my attention, I like hear about her life. If I'm casually sleeping with a woman, I'm not talking to any other girls. I've always made my intentions clear in the beginning.

 

 

 

 

I can't say it is the same case for every man or woman, but I think this is typically true. If a guy sleeps with 100 woman or vice versa, there's probably more than half of those people who fancied a RS and you treated them as disposable. So I see your point

 

I think that you're like me... you don't wanna sleep around, but don't need the whole ''white picket fence" either.

 

Well, unfortunately, it's hard to find what you and I are looking for.

 

I tried FWBs, being a mistress - all in hopes of getting regular "company" without having to sleep around...but nah, unless a RL "progresses" into kids and/or marriage, what you got ain't gonna last long.

 

My 6yr guy was my longest. He was living with his baby's mother and saw me (and other women ). It worked for me cuz as usual, I was busy with work, school, family, and was able to hang with him now/then.

 

I am a one man woman and have no problem in getting married...but IMO, most people who marry wanna do the whole kids and stuff. Well, I'm apprehensive about comingling my assets and finances (my "trust isssssues"), and unless I'm married for at least 2-3 years in a solid marriage, not having any kids.

[Gloria25]

PS. Also agree with you on these younger gals. In their bare 20's, they got more notches on their bedpost than I and are so flippin silly.

 

My nephew, in his 30's, was just talking about his recent 20 something gf who's just out of control and now is realzing whst she had with him.

[Satu]

This reflects how I feel, but I'm not judging anyone who thinks differently.

 

“And so we use them for a kind of pleasure which can be called "fun." But it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of "having fun." And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. ”

 

― Paul Tillich, The New Being

 

 

Take care.

[dreamingoftigers]

Before I start I know that men act the same way too.

 

Everyone I talk about are 22 to 25.

 

Lately I have been finding it difficult to want to date or even want to hook up with the women in my town (which is also a college town). I could be over thinking it but I can't help but feel a bit of uneasiness from most of their actions.

 

I can't say I'm any saint, but I've found that most of the women I spend time with mostly talk about their relationship problems. And when I say RS problems, I mean they have a hard time deciding which new guy they want to sleep with this week. They are completely addicted to the attention they get on tinder and bumble.

 

One close friend of mine had two sexual partners by 22. After a breakup, in less than a year, she probably jumped to around 20.

 

Another one of my friends met a guy one weekend and said she was going to marry him, she said she was done sleeping around. While she was very convincing, I knew she was just smitten, I knew it wouldn't last even though I wanted to be wrong. She was faithful to the "love of her life" for 3 weeks. In her defense she had "needs".

 

I guess I have trust issues because I have been cheated on and unfortunately I have been the other man to a woman twice (both times I was told after we had hooked up).

 

It's just off putting, because most of these women love the idea of sleeping with guy after guy, getting them on a hook, then throwing them away.

 

Seeing women act this way makes me not want to fall for a lot of the women I meet because I don't know if this is the kind of girl they are. I understand I can't judge all women on a small sample size of the women I know, but it's hard not to have preconceived notions.

 

This has really been bothering me lately so I was curious what other people think? Is this a millennial issue or have these issues always been around? Is what these girls do some kind of empowerment move? Would it bother women to know that their bf has slept with countless women? Would it bother men to know their gf has slept with countless men? Should your number ever matter?

 

IMHO, whomever you set up in front of a sexual buffet will pig out at it if left to their own devices and having no other accountability.

 

60 years ago, you didn't dare screw around as a woman because there were harsh social,religious and shameful consequences for it.

 

Men, on the other hand..... We're looked at as being "virile" etc. And if he slept with a woman outside of his relationship it was because "she threw herself at him, the vile temptress." Or she was a "bad girl" because she ran out of options and ended up prostituting herself.

 

Somewhere along the line we started figuring out that was a bunch of garbage.

 

Instead of collectively saying "hey, how about we ALL stop behaving like pigs at the trough." We decided instead to say "we are women, let's do the SAME THINGS men have been entitled to. Equality, y'know."

 

So now, many of us do. Congratulations, we are the women you warned us about LMAO.

 

The problem is that the math never worked anyways. A lot of young men figure, "I'll mess around with 10-20-30 women and then " settle down" with a "good girl" who has MAYBE had a guy or two.

 

Except.......many young men think this, and given women are 51% of the population, where exactly do men think they are going to find her? And frankly, if she lived by a moral code of not jumping on every dick in sight, why would she want a guy that screwed everything with a pulse. (Because woman often have standards to eh?)

 

So someone, somewhere along the way has to settle on something. Either you take a high-count partner. Or no partner. Or she settles on you if you are high-count and she's not, which is a disappointment. (The last scenario is myself and my husband. Very bitter pill for myself but that's the package it came with. My ex was a virgin, I much preferred that.)

 

So yes, this brave new world of technology has given everyone direct access to their short-term desires and they knee-cap themselves in the long run.

 

Or they desensitize themselves and do "polyamory" where "everyone is special" which means no one is.

 

Thanks Tinder.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

IMHO, whomever you set up in front of a sexual buffet will pig out at it if left to their own devices and having no other accountability.

 

60 years ago, you didn't dare screw around as a woman because there were harsh social,religious and shameful consequences for it.

 

Men, on the other hand..... We're looked at as being "virile" etc. And if he slept with a woman outside of his relationship it was because "she threw herself at him, the vile temptress." Or she was a "bad girl" because she ran out of options and ended up prostituting herself.

 

Somewhere along the line we started figuring out that was a bunch of garbage.

 

Instead of collectively saying "hey, how about we ALL stop behaving like pigs at the trough." We decided instead to say "we are women, let's do the SAME THINGS men have been entitled to. Equality, y'know."

 

So now, many of us do. Congratulations, we are the women you warned us about LMAO.

 

The problem is that the math never worked anyways. A lot of young men figure, "I'll mess around with 10-20-30 women and then " settle down" with a "good girl" who has MAYBE had a guy or two.

 

Except.......many young men think this, and given women are 51% of the population, where exactly do men think they are going to find her? And frankly, if she lived by a moral code of not jumping on every dick in sight, why would she want a guy that screwed everything with a pulse. (Because woman often have standards to eh?)

 

So someone, somewhere along the way has to settle on something. Either you take a high-count partner. Or no partner. Or she settles on you if you are high-count and she's not, which is a disappointment. (The last scenario is myself and my husband. Very bitter pill for myself but that's the package it came with. My ex was a virgin, I much preferred that.)

 

So yes, this brave new world of technology has given everyone direct access to their short-term desires and they knee-cap themselves in the long run.

 

Or they desensitize themselves and do "polyamory" where "everyone is special" which means no one is.

 

Thanks Tinder.

 

I don't think most men really care about partner count in the past.

It's more about - "Oh that's the guy you've secretly been seeing for the past 4 years behind your husbands and his wife's back, yet I'm supposed to trust you that you're just having lunch together?"

 

I really don't care if you're a porn star who slept with 200+ men ... in your 20s.

 

But the guy you went and saw in your work bathroom while we're together? Uh, exit is that way --->