she broke up with me by phone after 8month, after 1month of NC, she wants stuff back

[Zack84]

Well, my case is a little problematic but here I go, 8 months in the relationship, she ended it, she was having a lot of problems because of her attitude towards others, problems at work, at her home, to some extend at church, I met her at church, we are part of church group, right now she dont go to church, she has this thing that she wants to control everyone, tell them what they should do.

 

because all that, she made some big changes, now she lives with her dad, quit her job, she doesn go to the same churh for the time being, and she broke up with me, some things happened days before, a friend of church lose his grandfather, and in her "we need to do that", she was like, we need to GO, but for me it was hard, I lost my elder brother a year ago, and when someone died, i started to feel this thing that I didnt want to funerals because of that, I accept that I had a prblem with that, and I made a huge mistake, a didnt call her or text her something that day, next day a write her, but she was kinda cold and i apologize if a made her feel bad or angry about that, she told me, that a needed to be there with then, but that a didnt do it, when a was going to text her the reason, I was already blocked, that made so angry, that in all day that I didnt do anything, just wait, and she call me at night just to say that we should end the relationship and be just friends, and companions at church, i hung up the phone (i know, bad move) shocked, trying to process that, after 20 mins, I call her and she answer and she told me a lot of things, that she feels strong now, that because of my attitude she felt that she was the "man in the realtionship" I told her "am i the problem?" she told me no, but I reclaim her "then what?" she just told me that in asking that, I was too immature and that ended in that, AFTER that, she block me on everything :v . . .

 

she was feeling the preassure of the job, her family at home, the church at some extent, and in the end, from me, I can understand that but her actittude was a problem for her

A aunt made me realease that, a person cant have the same problem at 4 places at a time, isnt the other way around? that she wasnt able to accept that her attitude was causing her problems?

im doing my NC, i spend time thinking, what went wrong, and I have some things to think about that I can change.

 

because of a past relationship, I let her take more "control" of our relationship (huge mistake), to make her feel like there was no pressure, but i let that situation keep going, (mistake :c)

 

her last boyfriend treat her bad, psychologically, toy with her when he was with other friends and her (some females friends), so I try to change that letting her have a little more control, but that was something that she complain about the day she broke up with me.

 

the other thing was, that she was the one with car, i didnt have a car, she was kind about that, no preassure, but deep down i know that she had a problem with that, that i was a 75% man without that (the image of the perfect/right man, with a degree, a job and a car, i filled the 1 and 2 at least, in a dinner with some aunts of her, she said that and I was like . . . . made feel bad but a let it slip at that time), ironically I got a car recently, part because of her, but now we are not together anymore, the irony

 

sometimes, when she was talking, i keep interrupting her, at the end, it was true, but because I was just trying to help her understand those situations, now I realize that a was doing the same thing that she did to everyone else, to her, she liked whrm she was doning it to other people, but to her was a no.

 

all these days, i had some snips of info about her, and it was rough, but after all these time, she asked a friend for some stuff of her, and if he and she (our friend and his girlfriend) to asking me about some things, she told her that they can do it with the things they had, but for me, that she asked me herself.

Now a dont know what to do, i dont have a problem returning her stuff, but, should i give them to a mutal friend, to a familiar (know some of them) she wants them back, but she dont want to ask me. just dont know, advice?

I have the feeling to want to come back but, in this short time, she didnt learn anything for what I see, so, im staring to realize that maybe, its no worth it, dont know, but she wants her stuff back, i thought of writing a letter (real letter XD) and leave it with her stuff, apologizing for my attitude, that its way better now, part for looking at myself and witch help of a phychologist

Edited December 12, 2016 by Zack84

[Philosoraptor]

Trust your instincts. If you don't believe there is any change, then why expect anything different in the result?

 

You seem to have self image issues. If you don't feel good enough about yourself, you certainly will never have the confidence to be yourself in a relationship. Focus on you right now and getting yourself to where you want to be right now in life.

 

Regarding her things, send them with a friend.