My Husbands Pregnant Mistress

[dreamingoftigers]

You're H is the jerk.

The OW did you a favor. She isn't to blame on your husband to cheat, you can hate her, but she isn't the one that cheated on you

He's been doing this for years and finally knocked one up, what makes you think he'll stop. Heck I could see it now, you babysitting the child and he's off with someone else. because he's NOT going to stop

 

 

Move on, you don't deserve it, and you soon realize that pain, stress will go away when you get rid of him.

 

Like OW,

 

I also think it's pretty nasty to get involved with a guy that's part of a couple no matter what tale he's telling.

 

The only exception is a woman who genuinely didn't know he was in a couple. In that case she's a victim.

 

I'm pretty capable of being disgusted with the behaviours of both parties when it comes to cheating.

[dreamingoftigers]

Like OW,

 

I also think it's pretty nasty to get involved with a guy that's part of a couple no matter what tale he's telling.

 

The only exception is a woman who genuinely didn't know he was in a couple. In that case she's a victim.

 

I'm pretty capable of being disgusted with the behaviours of both parties when it comes to cheating.

 

Oh my, that's a funny autocorrect.

 

That should say "Like OP"

 

NOT OW.

[Mr. Lucky]

Like my mother in law told my husband, sometimes God brings people in your life to wake you up and grow you up. She said if my son thinks he's going to run off into the sunset with the baby mama he has a lot to learn about life. She said God only recognizes marriage and will not reward adultery in anyway. God will not reward a man who leaves his spouse for another woman and vice versa.

 

She has also told me that this woman will pay for her part in the whole situation as well and all I have to do is sit back and watch it unfold because it will get ugly. I am glad that she supports me and continues to look out for me and have my back. Either way, I continue to pray everyday and I hope God will bring me comfort and understanding in the near future. For those of you that are religious and believe in prayer, please pray for me. Thank You!

 

Danny32, I'm glad you have your faith in this difficult time, it obviously brings you strength and comfort.

 

But the Lord helps those that help themselves. Passively letting the tag team duo of your cheating husband and his pregnant OW dictate your life through their decisions isn't a healthy approach. Your H has left and is living with her - that's not a question of faith, it's a matter of fact.

 

At some point you'll need a degree of acceptance...

 

Mr. Lucky

[beautifulinside2]

What do you expect from your husband at this point? Are you hoping he will ask for forgiveness and go to counseling? I really don't understand why you want to salvage this dysfunctional relationship. You admit you were wrong for staying so fix yourself, focus all of your remaining loyalty and dignity on you. You don't have any kids together, he has always disrespected you and the relationship before you know it your life will pass you by and the one thing you can't get back is time. Do what people tell you to do, follow your mind, advice of people who care for you and let your heart catch up later. He doesn't deserve anymore of your love or time, not a minute more.

Edited December 14, 2016 by beautifulinside2

[health]

This "thing" isn't a marriage. You however can be restored.

 

It depends how fast and committed you are to getting out and knowing you deserve better.

[whichwayisup]

I have been with my husband since 2001. We met in high school and have been together ever since. Since about 2004, he started cheating on me off and on. It created so much drama in our relationship over the years. At first I thought he cheated because we got together so young and maybe he felt like he had not experienced life.

 

However, the cheating continued and has been a non stop problem. I also realized my husband has a sex addiction and has a problem. He proposed back in 2014 and we just recently got married this past August. We have no children but I wanted to start a family this coming new year. However, my husband was having an affair with a woman from his work. She no longer works there but he continued to see her even after we got married.

 

We went to counseling but after 2 months he decided he could not stop cheating and would seperate from me because he kept hurting me. He was staying with his affair partner and now she's pregnant with what she claims is his child. I am beyond heartbroken and devastated. I'm humiliated because we have not even been married 4 months. I have not told my family yet because I don't know where to start. I only speak to my mother in law about the situation and she is sick over what her son has done to me. I am so confused because I still love my husband very much. But I hate what he has done.

 

My husband said since the woman is pregnant he has to be there with her in case something happens. He said he must take care of his responsibility to the child. He claims he's not in love with her but he never pictured having a kid and not being with the mother. The woman wants him to file for an annulment and not speak to me. She wants him to marry her and take care of her, the child she has from a previous relationship and the baby that's due next year. However, she's upset because he told her he is not ready to end his marriage and does not know if he wants too.

 

I want to end the marriage but a part of me wants to see if it can be restored. My husband said if it were not for the unborn child he would come back home. But now he does not know what to do because of the child. Have any of you been in this situation? What should I do? I'm so lost and don't know where to turn.

 

Your husband has a sex addiction problem, that's not going away anytime soon because he refuses to seek help, let alone admit there's a problem.

 

I know you're hurting but divorcing is your only option now. He's having a baby with someone else. That relationship too, is doomed.

[Danny32]

Like OW,

 

I also think it's pretty nasty to get involved with a guy that's part of a couple no matter what tale he's telling.

 

The only exception is a woman who genuinely didn't know he was in a couple. In that case she's a victim.

 

I'm pretty capable of being disgusted with the behaviours of both parties when it comes to cheating.

 

At the end of the day my husband is the one who should have been loyal to me. The OW does not know me and could care less about me and I know that. But what upsets me about all OW is that they know what they are doing and they don't care. As women we don't want another woman messing around with our men. As women we know how much it hurts and why would a real woman want to involve herself with a man who is taken, especially a married man? I have had men approach me and I knew they were married or had girlfriends. I have always told men I do not sneak around with another woman's man. There are too many single people in the world to carry on a relationship with someone who is taken. If the situation was reversed and I was the OW, I'm quite sure she would be angry with me as well. Especially, when I first found out about the affair and texted her. She told me she was sorry and was removing herself from the situation but she did not. Now she feels she owns my husband and is telling him to drop me like he never knew me. She said she is not comfortable with the fact that he is still married to me. I actually laughed when he told me what she said. I laughed because I could not understand how someone could be so non caring and selfish. Woman to woman we know how much that hurts. But like my mother in law explained to me, the OW will not get her happy ending like she is expecting. She is upset everyday because my husband has not went to the court house to file those papers and again he lives less than 10 minutes away. We have history that she knows nothing about and when we started dating she was still running around at recess in elementary school. It doesn't matter what has happened, its hard for us to just drop each other completely like she wants him to do. But this OW is on baby daddy number 2, she makes less than $25,00 a year and is determined to not end up with just another baby daddy situation. She has plans and in my opinion had plans from the start. A lot of these women know what they are doing and will seduce a man with sex because men are weak when it comes to sex. These women plot and they destroy. Then the man looks back at what he has done and regrets ever meeting that person. Like my mother in law told me that my husband will always regret losing the best thing to happen to him. Its already hit him what he is losing and he's not dealing with it too well. To think you wanted the OW and now you realize it was just sex. However, your stuck with her because you didn't use protection. That's enough to drive anyone crazy. But he is getting what he deserves!

 

I personally could not sleep at night knowing that I was causing an innocent person so much pain. These OW get off the hook too quickly and it makes me sick. They should be held accountable for their actions but people are quick to say well that person didn't make a VOW to you. I feel like screw that because if it were you who were in my shoes, you would be speaking a different tune. Just because a married man approaches you doesn't mean you have to take the bait. I would tell a spoken for man to shove it where the sun don't shine. But that's just me and I know I can't expect everyone else to be and think like me. Like I said at the end of the day my husband is the one who is at fault and did not respect our marriage.

[Danny32]

Your husband has a sex addiction problem, that's not going away anytime soon because he refuses to seek help, let alone admit there's a problem.

 

I know you're hurting but divorcing is your only option now. He's having a baby with someone else. That relationship too, is doomed.

 

More than likely we will divorce but just not at this moment. I have spoken to the pastor who married us and he would like to speak to the both of us before we file any paperwork. Our pastor said he is not going to tell me to get a divorce because this has happened but he is also not going to tell me to not get a divorce. He said this situation is very difficult and he has been through this with other married couples before. He wants to counsel us before we make any final decisions. My pastor told me some couples have worked their marriages out through prayer, counseling and a lot of understanding and patience. However, he said some couples could not deal with it and have divorced. He said God hates divorce but would not hold divorce against me because my spouse committed adultery. I told my pastor that I am more than willing to speak with him before making any final decisions. My husband wants to come with me but he is ashamed and does not know how to face the pastor. The pastor said he expected that from my spouse because he knows what he has done is very shameful and disrespectful. But like I said I am already starting the process of moving on just at my own pace. I have to admit it is hard when you are still very much in love with your spouse. At first I was ashamed to admit that I am still in love with him. However, my pastor told me to not be embarrassed because my feelings for him will not go away over night. He said maybe we can work through it and maybe we cannot, only time will tell. But he did say that my husband needs to seek counseling for himself as well because he obviously has a problem that is bigger than what he realized. The one thing my pastor told me is to not be ashamed for possibly considering to work it out with my spouse. He said we married for better or worse and although this is as worse as it gets, it's not impossible for people to change if they really want to. He said he will help me to weigh my options and if I do stay in the marriage what would I expect out of my spouse. But he assured me it is my final decision and he would never judge me or look at me differently if I decided not to try to heal the marriage. That made me feel somewhat better and I have a good support system through this difficult time.

Edited December 14, 2016 by Danny32

[Mr. Lucky]

But he assured me it is my final decision and he would never judge me or look at me differently if I decided not to try to heal the marriage. That made me feel somewhat better and I have a good support system through this difficult time.

 

Sounds like you've gotten some good advice. I hope you use your head - and not just your heart - as you move forward. Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Danny32]

Sounds like you've gotten some good advice. I hope you use your head - and not just your heart - as you move forward. Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thank you!

[pteromom]

At the end of the day my husband is the one who should have been loyal to me. The OW does not know me and could care less about me and I know that. But what upsets me about all OW is that they know what they are doing and they don't care. As women we don't want another woman messing around with our men. As women we know how much it hurts and why would a real woman want to involve herself with a man who is taken, especially a married man? I have had men approach me and I knew they were married or had girlfriends. I have always told men I do not sneak around with another woman's man. There are too many single people in the world to carry on a relationship with someone who is taken. If the situation was reversed and I was the OW, I'm quite sure she would be angry with me as well. Especially, when I first found out about the affair and texted her. She told me she was sorry and was removing herself from the situation but she did not. Now she feels she owns my husband and is telling him to drop me like he never knew me. She said she is not comfortable with the fact that he is still married to me. I actually laughed when he told me what she said. I laughed because I could not understand how someone could be so non caring and selfish. Woman to woman we know how much that hurts. But like my mother in law explained to me, the OW will not get her happy ending like she is expecting. She is upset everyday because my husband has not went to the court house to file those papers and again he lives less than 10 minutes away. We have history that she knows nothing about and when we started dating she was still running around at recess in elementary school. It doesn't matter what has happened, its hard for us to just drop each other completely like she wants him to do. But this OW is on baby daddy number 2, she makes less than $25,00 a year and is determined to not end up with just another baby daddy situation. She has plans and in my opinion had plans from the start. A lot of these women know what they are doing and will seduce a man with sex because men are weak when it comes to sex. These women plot and they destroy. Then the man looks back at what he has done and regrets ever meeting that person. Like my mother in law told me that my husband will always regret losing the best thing to happen to him. Its already hit him what he is losing and he's not dealing with it too well. To think you wanted the OW and now you realize it was just sex. However, your stuck with her because you didn't use protection. That's enough to drive anyone crazy. But he is getting what he deserves!

 

I personally could not sleep at night knowing that I was causing an innocent person so much pain. These OW get off the hook too quickly and it makes me sick. They should be held accountable for their actions but people are quick to say well that person didn't make a VOW to you. I feel like screw that because if it were you who were in my shoes, you would be speaking a different tune. Just because a married man approaches you doesn't mean you have to take the bait. I would tell a spoken for man to shove it where the sun don't shine. But that's just me and I know I can't expect everyone else to be and think like me. Like I said at the end of the day my husband is the one who is at fault and did not respect our marriage.

 

You say you understand that your husband is mainly at fault, then go on and on about the OW.

 

In many cases, the man LIES to the OW about his marriage until she is firmly on his hook and "in love" with him. "We are still married on paper, but haven't slept in the same bed for a year." "I am filing for divorce as soon as XXX happens." "I think she's having an affair - she just doesn't seem to love me anymore." Or even "We are separated."

 

Even if he doesn't outright lie, he will flirt, compliment, manipulate - until she has a major crush on him and has a hard time saying no.

 

Yeah, there are women out there who plot to get married men, but they are the minority by a long shot.

 

You have a right to be mad at her, but really, your anger needs to be directed at HIM. He's not a victim of her womanly wiles...he's a serial cheater who got himself into a predicament.

[pteromom]

More than likely we will divorce but just not at this moment. I have spoken to the pastor who married us and he would like to speak to the both of us before we file any paperwork. Our pastor said he is not going to tell me to get a divorce because this has happened but he is also not going to tell me to not get a divorce. He said this situation is very difficult and he has been through this with other married couples before. He wants to counsel us before we make any final decisions. My pastor told me some couples have worked their marriages out through prayer, counseling and a lot of understanding and patience. However, he said some couples could not deal with it and have divorced. He said God hates divorce but would not hold divorce against me because my spouse committed adultery. I told my pastor that I am more than willing to speak with him before making any final decisions. My husband wants to come with me but he is ashamed and does not know how to face the pastor. The pastor said he expected that from my spouse because he knows what he has done is very shameful and disrespectful. But like I said I am already starting the process of moving on just at my own pace. I have to admit it is hard when you are still very much in love with your spouse. At first I was ashamed to admit that I am still in love with him. However, my pastor told me to not be embarrassed because my feelings for him will not go away over night. He said maybe we can work through it and maybe we cannot, only time will tell. But he did say that my husband needs to seek counseling for himself as well because he obviously has a problem that is bigger than what he realized. The one thing my pastor told me is to not be ashamed for possibly considering to work it out with my spouse. He said we married for better or worse and although this is as worse as it gets, it's not impossible for people to change if they really want to. He said he will help me to weigh my options and if I do stay in the marriage what would I expect out of my spouse. But he assured me it is my final decision and he would never judge me or look at me differently if I decided not to try to heal the marriage. That made me feel somewhat better and I have a good support system through this difficult time.

 

You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about. Of course you love your husband! I hope your husband will go to counseling. He needs it!

[BTDT2012]

I know he seems like a bad person but he's not. He has an addiction to sex and has for years. He admitted it to me but never got the help he needed. He said he is a cheater and has tried to stop. This time he got himself into something that he can't fix. He is devastated because his mistake has caused a lot of pain for everyone involved. He wants to do the right thing but is not sure what that is. He told me that he realizes what he's losing by being unfaithful in our relationship. He told me he is still in love with me but does not know how to work things out. I don't know how to even go about seeing if the marriage can be healed. I am struggling with filing for an annulment and so is he. Maybe we just need more time before we file to end the marriage. Its just hard when your forced to end it after you just took vows for better or worse. I guess this is the worse. I'm so ashamed about everything!

 

File for an annulment. The longer you wait the more likely is is that you will have to file for divorce, which is more expensive. Do you really want to set yourself up for a life of baby mama drama. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

And I will tell you what my pastor told me. "You diminish yourself spiritually by remaining with an unrepentant adulterer. " The fact that he is living with another woman demonstrates the fact that he is unrepentant. You deserve better than this.

Edited December 14, 2016 by BTDT2012
additional thoughts

[LilyMila]

The other woman will not get off the hook. You will hopefully move on to a better man while she will have to deal with a cheater and wonder what went wrong in her life. They will make each other miserable because cheaters will always be cheaters.

[Danny32]

You say you understand that your husband is mainly at fault, then go on and on about the OW.

 

In many cases, the man LIES to the OW about his marriage until she is firmly on his hook and "in love" with him. "We are still married on paper, but haven't slept in the same bed for a year." "I am filing for divorce as soon as XXX happens." "I think she's having an affair - she just doesn't seem to love me anymore." Or even "We are separated."

 

Even if he doesn't outright lie, he will flirt, compliment, manipulate - until she has a major crush on him and has a hard time saying no.

 

Yeah, there are women out there who plot to get married men, but they are the minority by a long shot.

 

You have a right to be mad at her, but really, your anger needs to be directed at HIM. He's not a victim of her womanly wiles...he's a serial cheater who got himself into a predicament.

 

I will be the first to tell you again THAT MY HUSBAND IS THE ONE WHO IS MAINLY AT FAULT. However, I was stating as a woman it pisses me off when other people are not caring enough to end an affair with a married person. I am not trying to go on and on about the OW but I just think as a woman it's wrong and as women we don't want another woman to do this to us. My husband never lied to her from the very beginning even before they started sleeping together. They worked together and their affair started when she left that job and started working somewhere else. She knew about me from the beginning, she knew every time they got together they were sneaking around, she knew my husband could not take her out because he may be seen by someone he knows, she knew he could not spend the night at her house, etc. When I busted their lying asses, she said she was sorry and knew about me and was removing herself from the situation but she lied about that too. Then she tries to convince my husband to leave me even before she knew she was knocked up. Now that she is knocked up she is pissed that he is still legally married to me and said since her first baby daddy left her that she wants a family and wants my husband to divorce me so they can be a family together. So this OW is not a victim, she was not lied to and she knew from the beginning that the man she was sleeping with was taken and she didn't care and neither did my husband. Now she really doesn't care because she's knocked up and she wants what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. So please don't jump to conclusions thinking that my spouse lied to her because he did not. He had an affair and got busted plain and simple. The OW participated in the affair and is now confused by the fact that he has not filed an annulment yet. Because this OW is only 27, she is living in a fantasy and thinks that a baby is going to make my spouse completely forget about me and she is upset that that is not the case. But like I said before I believe GOD will show her and my spouse that they are dead wrong for their actions. Especially my spouse because he took VOWS and broke them. But at the end of the day the OW is not a victim, my husband is a cheater and has ruined us with his affair and its as simple as that.

[Danny32]

File for an annulment. The longer you wait the more likely is is that you will have to file for divorce, which is more expensive. Do you really want to set yourself up for a life of baby mama drama. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

And I will tell you what my pastor told me. "You diminish yourself spiritually by remaining with an unrepentant adulterer. " The fact that he is living with another woman demonstrates the fact that he is unrepentant. You deserve better than this.

 

I like what your pastor said and I believe that to a certain extent. I asked my husband and so did his mother about why he is living with the other woman? I asked was he in love with her and he said no. I asked if your not in love with her why would you continue staying there? He said because he does not know what to do and never pictured having a baby with a woman that he was not married to or not in a relationship with. He said if he leaves, he feels as if he is turning his back on the baby. His mom assured him that first he needs to make sure he is the father because women lie all the time in these situations. Just because she is pregnant does not mean it's his baby. However, if it is his baby he can still share custody and pay child support. He knows this but still continues to live there. He said he lives in regret everyday because he ruined our marriage and when he looks back at it, the OW was not worth it. He said he wants to come back home but said he is embarrassed to be around me because he has a hard time looking me in the face. He said him being around me is a constant reminder of how bad he has hurt me and the guilt is eating at him everyday. He said he would rather be away then to face me right now and constantly seeing me crying and upset. He said he has asked forgiveness from GOD but the guilt is too much for him to deal with right now. He barely goes around his family and tries to stay hidden because he is ashamed and knows what he has done is completely wrong and extremely hurting. The only thing I told him is I am praying for him everyday because he needs prayer. I also told him maybe GOD is testing him to show him this is what happens when you continue to constantly sin and go against your vows. I told him I will continue praying for him everyday.

[Danny32]

The other woman will not get off the hook. You will hopefully move on to a better man while she will have to deal with a cheater and wonder what went wrong in her life. They will make each other miserable because cheaters will always be cheaters.

 

I have struggled thinking that maybe she will get off the hook and not have to pay for her part in the whole situation. Some people seem to feel that the OW or OM are not at fault and only the spouse is at fault. I personally think both parties are at fault and I think both parties should pay for what they have done. If you don't pay for your bad behavior you will continue to do bad things. Sometimes I think to myself, why does this woman get to walk around with what she claims is my husbands baby? Why does she get to go home to my spouse, wake up to my spouse, eat dinner with him, etc. But after speaking with my pastor, he told me that GOD has a way of changing things whenever he wants. My pastor told me people who do these types of things will not find happiness and GOD will not allow them to be happy while I'm suffering. He said GOD has my back and I have to give this problem to GOD and sit back and watch GOD work. God makes moves when you least expect it. So he told me don't concentrate on why this OW has everything I ever wanted with my husband. He said she may have it today but not tomorrow. I never really looked at it this way until my pastor broke it down to me. But he assured me both the OW and my husband will go through more than they ever knew was possible because GOD does not reward adulterers. He does not reward OW or OM who knew the person they were sleeping with was married to someone else. So as petty as it may sound, I find some relief knowing that they will both have to hurt like I'm hurting.

[afoolto no end]

My heart bleeds for you, this man is so cruel to you.

You don't want to see it but it's true. You sound young, you need to let this man go and move on with your life, everyday do something to improve your life, go no contact with him and start to heal, he has made his choices, his actions are proving this....let him go.

You deserve so much more than a life with him could give you......it will be heartache after heartache....A child is now in the mix, imagine your child having to start life like that.

That will be the reality with your husband.

He is just not a good person worth investing any more of your life.

Tell your family, get the support you need, expose it to everyone let your husband and the OW live the reality that is now their lives.

It won't be any different with her, he will hurt her, her child. Get yourself out now, have some self respect ..

There are plenty of good men out there that won't cheat on you, won't turn your life upside down .

I know this hurts but you were sent a message from up above to really see this for what it is...get out.....

He has been cheating the whole time, what does that say about what he really thinks of your worth, it is zero Danny.

No contact is the only way, start over and don't ever let him hurt you again.

[Popsicle]

It doesn't sound like you want to leave your husband so just tell him you want him back and he'll come back. WH's don't like to divorce.

[dreamingoftigers]

I like what your pastor said and I believe that to a certain extent. I asked my husband and so did his mother about why he is living with the other woman? I asked was he in love with her and he said no. I asked if your not in love with her why would you continue staying there? He said because he does not know what to do and never pictured having a baby with a woman that he was not married to or not in a relationship with. He said if he leaves, he feels as if he is turning his back on the baby. His mom assured him that first he needs to make sure he is the father because women lie all the time in these situations. Just because she is pregnant does not mean it's his baby. However, if it is his baby he can still share custody and pay child support. He knows this but still continues to live there. He said he lives in regret everyday because he ruined our marriage and when he looks back at it, the OW was not worth it. He said he wants to come back home but said he is embarrassed to be around me because he has a hard time looking me in the face. He said him being around me is a constant reminder of how bad he has hurt me and the guilt is eating at him everyday. He said he would rather be away then to face me right now and constantly seeing me crying and upset. He said he has asked forgiveness from GOD but the guilt is too much for him to deal with right now. He barely goes around his family and tries to stay hidden because he is ashamed and knows what he has done is completely wrong and extremely hurting. The only thing I told him is I am praying for him everyday because he needs prayer. I also told him maybe GOD is testing him to show him this is what happens when you continue to constantly sin and go against your vows. I told him I will continue praying for him everyday.

 

Don't listen to his words. He is already a PROVEN marital liar.

 

Look at his actions.

 

He is a man who does whatever he wants regardless of risk and consequence. If he didn't want to be there he wouldn't be.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have struggled thinking that maybe she will get off the hook and not have to pay for her part in the whole situation. Some people seem to feel that the OW or OM are not at fault and only the spouse is at fault. I personally think both parties are at fault and I think both parties should pay for what they have done. If you don't pay for your bad behavior you will continue to do bad things. Sometimes I think to myself, why does this woman get to walk around with what she claims is my husbands baby? Why does she get to go home to my spouse, wake up to my spouse, eat dinner with him, etc. But after speaking with my pastor, he told me that GOD has a way of changing things whenever he wants. My pastor told me people who do these types of things will not find happiness and GOD will not allow them to be happy while I'm suffering. He said GOD has my back and I have to give this problem to GOD and sit back and watch GOD work. God makes moves when you least expect it. So he told me don't concentrate on why this OW has everything I ever wanted with my husband. He said she may have it today but not tomorrow. I never really looked at it this way until my pastor broke it down to me. But he assured me both the OW and my husband will go through more than they ever knew was possible because GOD does not reward adulterers. He does not reward OW or OM who knew the person they were sleeping with was married to someone else. So as petty as it may sound, I find some relief knowing that they will both have to hurt like I'm hurting.

 

Bear in mind that those consequences are not guaranteed to come down the pipe in this lifetime.

 

The world's design has been mutilated and there are countless evil doings that occur everyday without earthly consequences.

 

That's why justice is left to God. We don't always see it here. In fact, probably not even proportionally often.

[karlw78]

If I was you ....I would leave and get a divorce as soon as possible, do not sleep with him again, if he is a sex addict and he knows this but isn't getting the help then that is his issue.

 

You have the chance to get away and start again, it is embarassing and humiliating for you but I am sure your friends are all behind you and I am sure your family will be too once they know the truth, you have done nothing wrong and even if his own mother is upset at what he has done then it appears that people on his side are also seeing what is going on.

 

I think you will be ok, but it has to end. I would expect that he will continue to cheat unless he gets help. You have no kids involved with him, that is a bonus in all fairness.

 

It is easy for other people to say up and leave but you are living this, waking up at 3am worrying about this, not being able to function properly either. Just think what is going to happen in a few years time, that baby will be born, there is a 3rd party in your relationship, you will be a constant doormat which always something there to remind you of this era. Put a line through it and start again because you can. Being married doesn't mean anything to some people and your husband is one of those.

[starry81]

I understand your anger towards the other woman. I've been in your shoes. I've felt the raging hatred. She is ten years younger than me and bragged all about his car, steady income and how he already has a wife and kid .. bragged about it on her blog with lots of colors and emoticons. I searched her name on google when I found out about her and found her blog easily. She was only 20 or so when they started. I spoke to her over the phone begging her for some answers but she was very haughty. She told me to "Look at my own marriage".

 

Definitely your anger is warranted and natural. Never mind all these people criticizing you for feeling angry towards her.

 

But in the long run, she is insignificant in your future. Karma will come to her only many years later when you no longer care. The issue to face is, do you want more years of pain with this man? Don't let your anger towards her cloud the issue.

 

I watched my own ex-husband fake remorse. It looked absolutely real, tears were rollling down his cheeks. At the same time, I also saw the mask slip from his face when confronted with real evidence. Everything was calculated. The emotions he presented to me, timing his affairs etc. On hindsight, sometimes he even picked fights with me so that he could "storm out" of the house to meet her. All deception is carefully calculated and not some passionate, in the heat of a moment mistake.

 

These men do it because they are selfish and don't care about your feelings. It's not about some deep painful problems they have. They care about you in relation to themselves - do they still have some use for you in their lives?

 

The real question is how many more years of pain do you want for yourself?

[elaine567]

However, I was stating as a woman it pisses me off when other people are not caring enough to end an affair with a married person. I am not trying to go on and on about the OW but I just think as a woman it's wrong and as women we don't want another woman to do this to us. ..She knew about me from the beginning, she knew every time they got together they were sneaking around, she knew my husband could not take her out because he may be seen by someone he knows, she knew he could not spend the night at her house, etc. .... Then she tries to convince my husband to leave me even before she knew she was knocked up. Now that she is knocked up she is pissed that he is still legally married to me and said since her first baby daddy left her that she wants a family and wants my husband to divorce me so they can be a family together.

 

Truth is some women see a married man and just want him.

Married men often ooze domesticity, they ooze husband and father material, they ooze respectability, they ooze stability, they ooze "provider".

Some women see all that and just want it for themeselves. The only thing that stands between her and a life of domestic bliss is "the wife", and if the OW believes that all is fair in love and war, then the wife needs binned, she ahs to go.

Her ego is such that of course she can oust the wife, she is a much better match for him, she can make him happy.

 

She will therefore employ all the tactics necessary to achieve her goal. It is a big deal, faint heart never won fair gentleman, so she is prepared to fight and fight dirty if she needs to.

YOUR husband thought he was oh so clever getting sex from two women, he was "da man", he was in control - two besotted women clamouring for his attention, a huge ego boost.

BUT once she got pregnant, the dynamic changed. She is now in control she holds the strings, and you and he now dance to HER tune, He given her that power, by deciding to stick by her and the baby and thus leave you and his marriage behind.

If she deliberately got pregnant it was a huge risk to take, but obviously in this case worth it. He could have left her to bring up the baby on her own, but I guess she knew he would not do that as she either knew he was in love with her, or she knew he would not walk away from a baby, or both.

 

Of course we can all blame her, but here he has also made a choice, and that choice is to go with her.

He may moan to you about it to keep you onside and to avoid conflict, but my guess is that like many people who cheat, that he would be very happy to go back to having his two women again.

 

He is taking the path of least resistance here.

Living with you would mean he would be wearing that hair shirt for years, constantly shamed, embarrassed, guilty and trying to make amends.

 

Living with her is a better deal, she will be grateful and happy he chose her, they will have a new baby, a new beginning and all is well with the world... and if he plays his cards right he can always tap you for some extra sex, love and affection once the furore dies down... as no doubt he thinks you will probably be "desperate" to have him back...

 

The answer here is to stop obsessing about stuff you have no control over and start making plans for the rest of your lfe.

He is stuck with an OW and a baby, YOU, on the other hand ARE FREE to do what you want.

There is a huge wonderful world out there, go find it.

[goodyblue]

His mother told him the family will not claim the child until DNA proves it's his baby. He told me he asked the woman for dna results and she laughed and said you know I've only been with you. But they are still doing the DNA test when the child is born. Now this woman wants my husband to take care of her and told him to divorce me right away because she does not want to worry about him having a title with me. She has no remorse for her part in the situation. I know my husband was beyond wrong and broke his vows. But the OW is trash also and has no respect. Even if my marriage can't recover from this, I can't see God allowing this women much happiness in life. I hate how the OW just thinks she now owns my husband because of the child and is trying to call all the shots. Even convincing my husband that her other child needs a father as well and she wants them to be a family. My mother in law said having a baby won't keep a man and she needs to realize that. My mother in law also told me to keep praying because God works in mysterious ways. I hope my husband gets the shock of a lifetime when it comes to the OW. I also hope the OW is taught a lesson for trying to play house with a married man. By the way the girl is 27 and my husband will be 34 in less then a month. She's on baby daddy number 2 and is trying really hard to secure a family.

 

I stopped reading at this response.

 

Look, she may be stupid for getting involved with your husband but he is the one ruining your life. Fifteen years with this guy who keeps cheating. She shouldn't have involved herself with a married man. Too late.

 

Having a baby won't keep a man? Do you think YOU are keeping him? He is out there acting single.

 

He's despicable. Way worse than she. You wanted to start a family? He already has. Don't waste one more minutes on this tool. Sure, she holds blame for sleeping with MM, but not as much as he. And you hold some also, knowing he has cheated all through your 15 years together and then acting shocked when this happens.

 

This is your escape. Now it's your chance to find a good guy.

Edited December 18, 2016 by goodyblue