OOTW Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) He's not just any ex - he's the first ex. The first boyfriend ever; the one I lost my virginity to and the one I fell "in love" with. We were on and off quite a bit back then; but it all ended when we were "on a break." We still spoke every day, had sex, hung out; but then I got Chlamydia from him and when I asked him who else he was with, he casually said "like 2 other b******" and that's essentially when he shattered my heart. I never cheated on him and was always a good girl with him, but he obviously didn't reciprocate. We never got back together after that. I started seeing other people and having my fun, but for some silly reason I still messed around with him occasionally (I was 16, he was 18). Eventually we fell off because I started a new relationship with someone else. But over the past 6 years, he's attempted to contact me via phone and Facebook a few times. His last attempt before last week was almost 2 years ago. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, he decided to message me on Facebook and like a few of my pictures. Initially, I wasn't going to reply to him but i figured why not, he can't phase me the way he did back then. We passed a few casual messages, and I essentially wrote an essay to him explaining how he made me feel back then when everything went down, how much pain he caused and why it was not ok for him to waltz back into my life. I blocked him and figured that was it. He reached out to me through a friend, again on Facebook, citing that I didn't give him a chance to say anything and he asked me to call him. After 2 days, I did call. I thought it was rude to essentially tell someone their former self was a piece of s*** and not give their future self a chance to explain. We spoke over the phone briefly, and he asked me to lunch the following day. I thought, let me see his sorry a** then tell him to f*** off in person. But I couldn't. First off, he apologized for everything that happened back then and it seemed fairly genuine. We actually connected; he was very open with me and honest, told me about his life and essentially caught me up on everything that has happened to him over the years and I opened up to him too, but I proceeded with caution. That same night we went out again, this time for drinks and as we both stumbled back to his car, he kissed me and told me he still loves me after all this time.. I cried, he hugged me - I felt something. But for some reason I feel like I got myself into big trouble. I caught feelings again, but he's not the type of guy I'd go for now. He sporadically texts me throughout the day - casual chit chat - never "how is your day going." He rarely calls unless it's to make plans to hang out. Every time I see him, he always wants to come over to my place. I'm feeling crazy all over again - I think about him all the time and wonder what his motive is. He says he "wants to see where things go and doesn't want to rush into anything." I mean, I agree, it's only been a few weeks, why rush into anything this quickly; but getting hurt twice by the same person isn't what I want or need. I just don't know how to "go with the flow" with this guy. Am I missing something or did he just come back after 6 years to f*** with me again? Edited December 12, 2016 by OOTW
Slimtripper Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 He's not just any ex - he's the first ex. The first boyfriend ever; the one I lost my virginity to and the one I fell "in love" with. We were on and off quite a bit back then; but it all ended when we were "on a break." We still spoke every day, had sex, hung out; but then I got Chlamydia from him and when I asked him who else he was with, he casually said "like 2 other b******" and that's essentially when he shattered my heart. I never cheated on him and was always a good girl with him, but he obviously didn't reciprocate. We never got back together after that. I started seeing other people and having my fun, but for some silly reason I still messed around with him occasionally (I was 16, he was 18). Eventually we fell off because I started a new relationship with someone else. But over the past 6 years, he's attempted to contact me via phone and Facebook a few times. His last attempt before last week was almost 2 years ago. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, he decided to message me on Facebook and like a few of my pictures. Initially, I wasn't going to reply to him but i figured why not, he can't phase me the way he did back then. We passed a few casual messages, and I essentially wrote an essay to him explaining how he made me feel back then when everything went down, how much pain he caused and why it was not ok for him to waltz back into my life. I blocked him and figured that was it. He reached out to me through a friend, again on Facebook, citing that I didn't give him a chance to say anything and he asked me to call him. After 2 days, I did call. I thought it was rude to essentially tell someone their former self was a piece of s*** and not give their future self a chance to explain. We spoke over the phone briefly, and he asked me to lunch the following day. I thought, let me see his sorry a** then tell him to f*** off in person. But I couldn't. First off, he apologized for everything that happened back then and it seemed fairly genuine. We actually connected; he was very open with me and honest, told me about his life and essentially caught me up on everything that has happened to him over the years and I opened up to him too, but I proceeded with caution. That same night we went out again, this time for drinks and as we both stumbled back to his car, he kissed me and told me he still loves me after all this time.. I cried, he hugged me - I felt something. But for some reason I feel like I got myself into big trouble. I caught feelings again, but he's not the type of guy I'd go for now. He sporadically texts me throughout the day - casual chit chat - never "how is your day going." He rarely calls unless it's to make plans to hang out. Every time I see him, he always wants to come over to my place. I'm feeling crazy all over again - I think about him all the time and wonder what his motive is. He says he "wants to see where things go and doesn't want to rush into anything." I mean, I agree, it's only been a few weeks, why rush into anything this quickly; but getting hurt twice by the same person isn't what I want or need. I just don't know how to "go with the flow" with this guy. Am I missing something or did he just come back after 6 years to f*** with me again? I can't believe you're not over this in six years. I know you're young and it's your first but he did some really bad stuff to you. You can't let someone like that back in your life. He's only back now because he has nothing else lined up. Run as fast and as far as you can
dumbass2 Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 If he hadn't treated you so poorly and after 6 years you were able to put that relationship behind you, I'd say go for it and give it a chance, but that is not case. I think you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. IMO what he did is not forgivable and you are really lowering your self worth by allowing him back in so so easily when you shouldn't be allowing him back in at all. I understand it because you are not over him because he was your "first", but I don't agree with it.
EgoJoe Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 You're both still young. Hash out the feelings that are important to you, be honest with yourself and him. Get your spirit right however that seems correct to you and move forward. Dealing with this person is moving backwards unless you're gaining some value. I don't mean closure or anything esoterically arbitrary. I mean, do you have questions about his rationale etc. You can also break this situation down to how you want to live your life and what you're willing to do to have the life you want. See how it helps or if it hinders and then you can act accordingly with a well-informed decision.
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