Do I still have a chance? I am so ..

[Simone28]

My ex and I were dating for 9 years. I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn't love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn't find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it's business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn't paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn't look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn't get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend.

 

My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn't holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so I got ready while he was checking his email on the computer, pretending that I was going out and he ask if I'm going some where and I said yes. And then I tease him a bit about his hair since he havnt. After that he said I looked happy and I said I am, that stuff got shift these pass weeks. And when he came out the gate walking on the road he said it again that I looked happy and I said I am. And so since he doesn't have FB I texted him suggesting he get a fb account and add me, personally it would have been good if he saw some stuff I posted. Anyway he respond and said

''U look happy and like u trying to take care of yourself that's good. And no thanks i don't like fb. I forgot to ask does my friend mother still have that place for rent?"

"I hate being by the apartment feel like a kid there. i just need a place and some time to myself to let out my rage and sadness the way i want I've been holding back since they in the house all the time "

 

I did something stupid, so my cousin and been searching net and she found something called the Second chance letter and so I wrote one and gave him when he came to pick up some of his clothing. I wrote it just as explained, saw a sample and did it that way, In the beginning I put that I accepted the break up and then apologize that I didn't showed that I appreciated him and then the part stating that good things been happening and someday would like to tell him about it but right now we both still needing space.

 

The next day in the morning, he texted and said he read it and doesn't mind sitting down and talking someday. Then in the night he sent a text asking me if he can ask me something and I said okay sure.

 

"Why do u want me back? What is it about me that u love so much? and he feels like he wasn't doesn't his best as a partner as well.

 

I respond to him that it would be best to talk in person about it when he is ready and then I got to go.

 

I havnt texted him since nor have he reached out. Sigh I guess blow this , What to do now, surely feeling stuck to win him back. I shouldnt have done the letter because now he knows I want him back sigh this sucks. Not sure how to reverse that either.

 

Timeline of contact & no contact.

 

After the break up we went one week no contact and the week after that on a Monday I initiate contact so that he but his half the pay the bills. The Tuesday he initiated contact that he have paid his half. It was more a business conversation. On Wednesday was my birthday and he initiated contact through text to enjoy my day

 

On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn't answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn't answer. The reason I didn't respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn't kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn't answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact.

 

On the 1st December I initiated contact asking if we could talk just to tell him what's going on that when he came to the house for the clothing.

 

Since Monday December 5 2016 he haven't reach out and so I sent a text 10 December "you are truly one for a kind, unique in every way. I am so glad I met you because there is nobody else like you in the world"

 

and today I2 December I sent " You changed me in positive ways that I am still just starting to understand"

I got no response, should I cut off contact, or have I just blow my chances of getting him back. Sigh

[smackie9]

So sorry but, there is no chance.....it sounds to me he wanted to move on and made sure you knew that. What guy would say he was emotionally detached two months before the breakup if he was still interested in working things out......you are being delusional.

 

Go no contact and move on.

[puzzledfemale]

I am sorry, but he is a loser! 9 years and breaking up with you? Move on girl, you can do so much better! Kick him to the curb.

[Satu]

You should stop resisting the inevitable and accept that its over.

 

The relationship has come to its natural end.

 

What you need to do now, is to focus on yourself and get truly healthy:

 

Mentally

 

Physically

 

Emotionally

 

That might involve taking up an exercise program, getting into counselling, reading personal development books, or finding new ways to express yourself through art and creativity.

 

Above all else, do not spend your time looking into the void where your boyfriend used to be.

 

Make the best of yourself and your life.

 

 

Take care.

[Simone28]

I am in so much tears right now. I hurts to know it's over and I can't do much about it but you are right to focus on me is the best thing. I will continue no contact. The thing is he still have majority of his stuff here because of the apartment that he is at is too small. He have sofa here, table, cabinet, draw and clothing here. He told me he will see how he can pick some of his other clothing when he get a chance to. I think he is also in a rebound with this 18 year old girl. I am 28 and he is 29 yrs old. I feel so heart broken and I am grateful for the responds thanks.

[puzzledfemale]

Good for you to not contact with him anymore. Tell him to pick up his stuff asap. You are still so young at 28. Keep meeting new guys, don't settle so soon. Wish you all the best

[Satu]

Below is something I put together for myself when I was in a very dark place, but some of it might be useful for you.

 

 

1. Recognise that you are in the crisis phase. You are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently, that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres a day for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep, just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. A walk is enough for now.

If you feel physically unwell, go to see your doctor.

If you are on any prescription meds, take them exactly as prescribed.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to.

 

At the moment you're in crisis, but that will pass, and the healing will kick in.

 

 

Take care

[Simone28]

Needed this very much. Thank you.