How to break it off without being a jerk

[RobT94]

So i met this girl on a dating app. We've only hung out once and are planning on seeing each other again in a couple of days. She said she uses the app not for hookups but to possiblly end up in a relationship and I said the same, which is true. She is really nice and cute, and I do like her, however there are a couple of problems.

 

The first is that I just graduated college. It was at the moment I was graduating where I realized that I dont really want a relationship right now. I want to have my freedom. The second problem is I'm 22. She's 18. I would prefer a girl my age so that shes not still in school and we can both go out for drinks, stuff like that.

 

We've been talking for about 2 weeks and she really likes me. She's told me so. But the way I feel, I don't want to lead her on. However, I'm afraid if I tell her that we should stop ta;king, I'll come off as a complete ******* and really hurt her.

 

Any advice please?

[Gr8fuln2020]

So i met this girl on a dating app. We've only hung out once and are planning on seeing each other again in a couple of days. She said she uses the app not for hookups but to possiblly end up in a relationship and I said the same, which is true. She is really nice and cute, and I do like her, however there are a couple of problems.

 

The first is that I just graduated college. It was at the moment I was graduating where I realized that I dont really want a relationship right now. I want to have my freedom. The second problem is I'm 22. She's 18. I would prefer a girl my age so that shes not still in school and we can both go out for drinks, stuff like that.

 

We've been talking for about 2 weeks and she really likes me. She's told me so. But the way I feel, I don't want to lead her on. However, I'm afraid if I tell her that we should stop ta;king, I'll come off as a complete ******* and really hurt her.

 

Any advice please?

 

You should be honest. Your reasons are rational and she should be grateful that you are not in it just to have fun. No reason to feel like a jerk by letting her know that you are both in different phases of your life.

[ohleahmarie]

Just tell her you're not interested. It'll be better now than if you let it go on. She will be hurt for a second. There's no getting around that. But she will get over it. Y'all aren't in a relationship or anything! She'll be okay! But tell her now.

[Satu]

Just tell her what you've told us.

 

There's nothing in it that makes you a 'jerk.'

 

 

Take care.

[NTV]

Honestly, say what you think.

[spiderowl]

Just out of curiosity, how do you think you would feel if she wasn't too bothered about you? If she enjoyed hanging out with you but did not seem to be becoming more involved? Would you feel happy to spend more time with her? I am basically wondering if you are opting out because of the reasons you gave or because you are feeling a bit cornered here and that she is getting serious too fast?

 

Your reasons are good and it is best not to lead her on if you feel that way. You say she's nice and cute. What you don't want to do is to lose her because you are afraid she is more serious than you and then find you've given up on someone special because of a momentary panic about being tied down. From what you say, you are not that involved with her though so maybe it is best to let her go.

[jstar845]

I’m glad you reached out for support on this issue. I see that you are a caring person and want to proceed with this in the right way. The advantage that you have is that you have met her once. Therefore, you are not in a relationship or serious with the young woman. Sometimes individuals will only go out once to see if the person is right. Thus, you should not feel bad and as you stated you would like someone your age. Next, another positive you know what you want in a relationship. I’m wondering if you have discussed with the young woman your desires in a relationship?.

Best Wishes!