NewfieEd Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Hi, I've been talking to a girl for the last few months. We have came home together a few times while being out with our friend groups, she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship months ago. I accepted that and when we came home nothing happened those few times. So we have been talking a lot lately, last weekend she came home with me and things turned sexual, we ended up doing everything but having sex. All week we continued to talk. Last night we went to a concert together and then went for a few drinks. She ended up coming home with me again. I could tell she didn't seem right so I asked her what was up. She then said "I can't do this, I'm recently out of a 5 year relationship (In August), and the last 2 years were horrible I didn't want to be there but I felt like I had no way out. No where to go". She then proceeded to tell me she's falling for me but she doesn't want to, she feels like she needs to be single so she doesn't end up back where she was. She then got up and said "I got to go" and left. What does this mean? Does she just not want me? Should I give her space? Should I forget her ? I've started to fall for her, and she picks up on it. She said last night she knows I want her around.
staggerlee71 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEEEE!!! Lots of space. Don't call her, don't text her, don't like her posts, don't send smoke signals don't think about her. Then in a couple of weeks, if she calls, take her on a date and don't talk about the relationship Rinse, Repeat until she says she is ready. Could me a month, a year, never. But pressuring her to make any decision will most def make it never Good luck with this one!! 1
Dashottcalla Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 (edited) Please do not chase, pursue or contact her.... I cannot stress that enough.. I made this same mistake several times over.. You have to let her come to you when she's ready.. When you even look at the word "pursue" as it pertains to people, it means you are running after someone who is trying to get away (very unattractive).. Chasing is not going to bring her closer, your best bait is to relax, go on with your life and let her go through whatever she's going through.. Edited December 11, 2016 by Dashottcalla 2
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Oh crikey! She is seriously messing you up! Whatever has been going on her life, don't believe the 'I'm falling for you' line. If she wanted to be with you, she would be engaging with you in some way, if only as a friend for the moment. It sounds like she knows you are getting keen on her and she is backing out. I agree with other posters that you need to give her lots of space, in fact hardly see her. This will give you time to get to know other women and possibly get involved with someone else instead. This one is likely to be heartbreak. If you give her lots of space, she might start to draw you in again but beware, she is seriously mixed up and may just add to your confusion rather than give you the relationship you want. I would give her at least six months to sort out her feelings before considering investing anything in this woman, but actually I think you are better off seeking a relationship elsewhere. She is highly unlikely to be falling for you and backing off at the same time, so she is being ridiculous there. Best steer well clear!
OatsAndHall Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 She is being very open and honest with you about what she needs and wants without dragging you a long. Be grateful for this as it's rare. Leave her be and see where it goes. I would also start moving on emotionally from this. Hope for the best but expect the worst. She may decide she doesn't want to be with you so be prepared.
Author NewfieEd Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 She wrote me earlier and said if I have a day off this week because of an expected snow storm we should meet up and go for a drive. Is she now looking to put me in the friend zone? Should I reject the offer? Should I meet up?
Sweetfish Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 She wrote me earlier and said if I have a day off this week because of an expected snow storm we should meet up and go for a drive. Is she now looking to put me in the friend zone? Should I reject the offer? Should I meet up? Girl wants sex.. i believe a guy shouldnt push the relationship button. I believe if you chill and be casual about it... you shall receieve.
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Not relationship material. She is coming off as unstable. And claiming to feel trapped for two years? Give me a break. Either way she needs proper time to get over her past. Yes, be casual and be sensitive about space. If you two want to have casual relations go for it, but I would not pursue a relationship here.
phineas Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 She wrote me earlier and said if I have a day off this week because of an expected snow storm we should meet up and go for a drive. Is she now looking to put me in the friend zone? Should I reject the offer? Should I meet up? a drive. In a snow storm. Tell her to come over for a movie and you'll keep each other warm under a blanket on the couch. Then don't respond if she declines. This woman knows you want her and are an easy source of attention and validation. But, what do you get out of it? Blue-balls? sexual frustration? level 10000 annoyance? 1
Dashottcalla Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) She wrote me earlier and said if I have a day off this week because of an expected snow storm we should meet up and go for a drive. Is she now looking to put me in the friend zone? Should I reject the offer? Should I meet up? If I were you I would decline saying that you don't really feel up for driving but would love for her to meet up at your place and do whatever.. Doing this you're coming from a place of power and not just going along with what she's saying.. Be the leader, if she declines then politely tell her to let you know if she changes her mind, and leave it there Edited December 12, 2016 by Dashottcalla
bachdude Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 She talks with you alot, gets super intimate with you then......drama begins... Who knows what she is thinking. In a way is doesn't matter that much because if you two were to get involved you would have a roller coaster ride of a relationship anyway. She isn't relationship material right now. Why not find a nice, emotionally available woman and leave the drama out of your life? When I read your story I see neon signs flashing, "Heartache" "Pain" 2
Author NewfieEd Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 She wrote me real late last night saying "I really like you, I know you don't believe me , but I do. I'm so sorry for causing all that drama the other night I was overwhelmed, I can't sleep thinking about it". I just said "ok". I kinda figured maybe she was telling the truth but then today she wrote me and said "me and my friends are off tomorrow because of the expected snow storm, we are going out drinking tonight" she told me this weekend she wasn't going out again drinking for a while. I guess all signs lead now to just having me there for a back up, someone to hang out with when her friends are busy. I'm sure if she was interested in me she would have asked me to hang out personally, me and her instead of her and her friends getting drunk.
avf Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) seems she likes you too...good time to ease back and let her show some investment in you...don't chase my friend ! but also be well aware that she will have emotions about her ex and that can be an issue down the line...give herr space without trying to get into a relationship. Hang out... have fun Edited December 12, 2016 by avf
Author NewfieEd Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 She wrote me again tonight asking me to go out with her and her friends drinking or if I don't want to do that to go for a drive later ? What should I say or say nothing ? This chick got me confused as hell..
phineas Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 She wrote me real late last night saying "I really like you, I know you don't believe me , but I do. I'm so sorry for causing all that drama the other night I was overwhelmed, I can't sleep thinking about it". I just said "ok". I kinda figured maybe she was telling the truth but then today she wrote me and said "me and my friends are off tomorrow because of the expected snow storm, we are going out drinking tonight" she told me this weekend she wasn't going out again drinking for a while. I guess all signs lead now to just having me there for a back up, someone to hang out with when her friends are busy. I'm sure if she was interested in me she would have asked me to hang out personally, me and her instead of her and her friends getting drunk. at least you figured it out. i'd give her the silent treatment for a few weeks just to let her know you respect yourself and won't tolerate flakes. fyi you don't have to tell her she's a flake, she knows. Telling her will just make her have to acknowledge it and then she will decide you are a "creep". Silence is the best route.
Dashottcalla Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 In a nutshell, it's what you want to do bro.. I would suggest taking the lead when it comes to what you guys plan on doing while together.. Allowing her to always call the shots will definitely cause enable her flaky behavior with you..
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