zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Hi, My ex-girlfriend of a 2 and a half years of relationship have broken up with me 2 weeks ago. We were always talking about our future and marriage, till a month ago where her replies to me were not spontaneous anymore. The day where we broke up, she said that it was my "male chauvinism" character that she thought that she could not accept it... I have gone through almost 2 weeks of no contact and from my understanding she is a stubborn person, once her mind is set, it would be very hard to change her mind. Side note: I have control myself not affecting my mood to affect any of my daily routine, i.e. work etc.. Is it possible to have a relationship with her again.. What else can I do. 1
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 (edited) I am sorry to hear what has happened zhenliang. If you know your ex-girlfriend is stubborn, then in a way you have already answered your own question. It sounds as though her feelings changed and you noticed that, as a result of her change of feeling, her behaviour towards you changed. Anything could have triggered this, including the possibility that she met someone else. It is also possible she just felt this relationship had run its course. Once feelings change, it is very difficult to see how they could change again. It is not impossible but I think you would be wise to assume they will not change rather than put yourself through the anxiety of wondering. We do not know you and so cannot say whether your girlfriend was right in her views that you are chauvinistic. All I know is that once feelings change, then all sorts of reasons can be given in explanation, but they are really after the fact and not necessarily true. If you do have fixed views of women and their roles, then it may benefit you to reconsider all that, but not in the hope that you will get this particular girlfriend back. It might give you more scope in the future when choosing a partner if you are open-minded about women and roles in a rapidly changing society. I think we are all a bit lost with how we are supposed to be these days. What do you think has happened? I hope things look up for you soon OP. I know this is a difficult time for you. Keep posting on here as people can be really helpful on here. Edited December 11, 2016 by spiderowl 1
Author zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Hi there Spiderowl, Thank you for your reply I understand your point and I do not want to assume what is the real underlying reason of this relationship change. I do not want to take it negatively nor positively. I already had plans on proposing to her next year and suddenly this happen, thus I'm really lost out there. I read lot's of web that states to move on while not stuck in this relationship anymore and it is this period that I want my girlfriend back only. But I thought thoroughly and swear upon rationally that I really do think that she is the one that I would like to marry and thus explains I really do want this refresh this relationship. 1
Satu Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Don't focus on the future and what might be. Focus on yourself in the present moment, and make every day the best that it can be. Make every day an exercise in satisfaction. If you're meant to be together in the future you will be, but don't make that your prime focus. You'll be ok. Take care. 1
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I suppose it all really depends on how far you want to go to see if you can retrieve this relationship. If you think that she is just hoping you will change some behaviours, then it might be worth asking her what needs to change and whether she will consider a reconciliation. If you think her feelings have changed towards you - you are getting a totally different vibe from her - then it is likely you would be throwing yourself at a brick wall. It might be worth telling her you accept her decision but that if she feels she would like to reconcile within the next three months, maybe you two could work on the issues that have apparently caused the split. But, I would not give her an endless time to change her mind or hold out much hope here. You do not want to be hanging around waiting for her when you could meet someone just as special who appreciates you for who you are. While you currently feel she is 'the one', I can promise you that such feelings can change when someone else comes along who is more what you need. 1
Author zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Hi Satu, Thank you for your advice, I'm trying to make everyday the best when I'm not alone, i.e. work & with friends. Just that when I'm alone, it is really disheartening.. I really do hope that we will be meant for the future. =) 1
Author zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Thanks spiderowl, Sometimes I really do not know what is running through her mind, but in fact I do know that I'm now facing a wall actually, depressing to say ain't it.... Thanks for your advice on not to wait endlessly, but well.... 1
Satu Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Thanks spiderowl, Sometimes I really do not know what is running through her mind, but in fact I do know that I'm now facing a wall actually, depressing to say ain't it.... Thanks for your advice on not to wait endlessly, but well.... In this present moment, there's nothing you can do to bring her back, so use the moment for something else. Do something nice for yourself. Take care.
fromheart Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I understand how you feel, I've certainly been there myself. Just going to ask, why is it that you want this specific girl back? What does she mean by 'male chauvinist?' Could you give an example of what she does or might mean by this? 1
Author zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Hi fromheart, Just going to ask, why is it that you want this specific girl back? To be honest, I was once before as well torn apart from my past relationship and I went into no believe in other relationship as well. I shut off myself from anyone that crosses my path. Then my friends introduced her to me and still I close off her from myself. But she slowly and patiently changed me and my thoughts and made me believe in love again. and from then on, I told myself that she was the one that I will want to marry and have a future with. Perhaps you may think that if this situation happen once, it will happen again, but I would like to say that she really changed me and the way I handle this relationship is drastically different from my past. I really want to fight to have this relationship back. What does she mean by 'male chauvinist?' Could you give an example of what she does or might mean by this? I'm not trying to push blame to others but this is quote is always used by her. "I'm like her Dad, and she does not wants her to be in a situation with her dad partner." Her dad and her deceased mom was in such a relationship where by her dad says what, it is what. i.e. very dominant. and stubborn as well as he would not heed anyone advice. She always state that I'm like her dad but I would like to highlight that certain way I'm, but certain way I'm not. I don't perceive myself as a very dominant person as I always try to let my ex have the decision making. 1
fromheart Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Well, letting your GF make the decisions is certainly not dominant behavior, quite the opposite. In fact, I'd encourage you to be the man and make the decisions, a feminine woman is going to respond to that in a positive way. We're now in a world where many women are masculine and men are becoming feminine to get laid. Its not working, and many 40 50 somethings are out there still single and stuck in false gender roles. Now I'm sure this woman is and has been the sweetest thing you've ever met. But she's not sweet all the time is she. If you re read what you've written here, she hasn't always been nice to you. Telling you that you're a male chauvinist like her dad, especially when you're letting her make all the decisions, is pretty damn rude. She shouldn't be entrusted to make any decisions if she's going to act like that. Don't be blinded by someones light. See them for who they are and where they're at. When the honeymoon period is done, we see who they REALLY are. See her for who she is now. She was rude to you and dumped you dude. Could you start a marriage and family here? Could you trust her to be in your corner when you have to take care of an elderly relative? Bear these things in mind before being so willing to make a life long commitment to a partner. 1
Author zhenliang Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Hi fromheart, I'm not trying to state that all decision is made by her. I believe it is a give and take situation where both comprise together. Although I may be not rationale now, but i do believe that I'm not blinded. I understand where you are trying to derive but I do believe with my "irrational" thoughts 2
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