cs75 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Hey everyone, I'm sorry if what follows is an incoherent mess. My brain is kind of all over the place and firing at 100 miles an hour at the moment. I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly two years a few months ago now. It was a bad relationship towards the end. She'd cheated on me multiple times with various people, but we both stuck at it out of loyalty or something. What can I say, I loved her. I still love her. Anyway, that was all about 4 or 5 months ago now. Today I found out that she's with someone new. More specifically, the last guy she cheated on me with. And it has royally ****ed me up. I thought I was doing okay but this has just sent me spiralling. Of course I tried to be nice about it. I said to her I hope they can make a good go of it. Despite everything that happened I do believe she deserves someone good. But also at the back of my head I can't help thinking, no **** you. You hurt me and broke me and left me out in the cold with no one. Why the **** should you be happy while I'm still struggling like this. I know that's horrible. So like the title says. How do you do it? How do you put yourself back together when you've been so completely broken down. I need some help in that direction cause honestly I'm not sure how much longer I can carry on feeling like this. Thank you for listening 1
AT15 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 We are all here to listen. We understand because we've been through it and are going through it. No contact helps with the anxiety. What you don't know, can't hurt you. The story of her is what triggers you into the spiral. Change the story in your mind. It's difficult. It's not easy. It's hard. I sway back and forth, but I stopped looking where I can be triggered. Think of it this way: this can make you better or it could make you bitter 3
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 (edited) I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Most of us have been there. Your feelings are totally natural. You handled things with your ex with great honour. You should be proud of yourself. As others will say, no contact helps with healing, but no-one would pretend it is easy. It is a slow process of disentangling habits and emotions. I would suggest focusing on her negative aspects (if you find yourself thinking of her). Remind yourself that if she was the one for you, she would be with you. Focus on things that matter to you now, your health, wellbeing. Treat yourself with something every day (not something expensive, just a treat to make yourself feel better). This could be time to yourself, time listening to music, visiting a friend whose company you enjoy, talking to a friend who will listen and be supportive. Whatever little (and harmless) thing makes you feel good for a while. This is to remind yourself that you are special and have value too. Can you avoid seeing this ex? Going no-contact really does help. Edited December 11, 2016 by spiderowl 2
PrincessWarrior1 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I'm so sorry for your pain. I think what you mean is that you are trying to forgive her and release yourself from those awful emotions of betrayal, hurt and anger. While that is a good thing it does take time, and as the other two posters said NC definitely speeds up that grieving and acceptance process. It gives you time to get back to yourself and nurture that great person within. Remember you do NOT miss her. You are just alone right now. With all due respect she sounds like a horrible person still using your love while sneaking around or looking for her next relationship while with you. I think it's ok to hate her or rather what she did because that was pretty cruel. Do whatever you can for yourself right now and get on with your healing and your life and then you can be the nice guy after. Don't worry about that right now. It's about you now and it doesn't hurt to take comfort in karma coming full circle. People like that get to the end of their rope and then try to come back. Hopefully you're either with someone else and happy or completely over and done with everything and aren't even attracted to her. Yeah.. "You know what you can kiss"... lol 2
Been Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Been in the same boat. My advice is first you have to go NC with her. Number 2. Don't go on her social media and don't ask anything about her to ANYONE. I know it sucks. You think she's having the time of her life and doing things that you always wanted to do with her but never did. But here is the thing to think about. She CHEATED on you and that in itself should have been the deal breaker. But you had her on that pedestal and anything she did you forgave. And it's ok-when your blinded by love you can do stupid things. The best form of revenge on somebody that wronged you is to be successful. Let your hurt motivate you to do something great. Change yourself for the better. 3
Kelley Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I have been there and yes had the same why does he get to be happy with the woman he cheated on me with, while I'm broken. What helped me heal was going NC, and just improving my own life. I know it sounds easier said than done, but that's what I did. I love my life and realised he was holding me back a lot, I just never saw it at the time. I do believe that some people are removed from your life for a reason. At the time I was devastated but as time went on I realised how much of myself I had lost in the relationship. Even though it hurt like hell and has taken a lot of hard work I prefer where I am now. Just go NC and heal, take one day at a time. It will get better, you will survive I promise. Keep posting here, let the feelings out and also take social media with a pinch of salt. He knows she cheated on you, not the best start to a trusting relationship hey? They won't be as happy as you believe. My ex came crawling back to me, and I said no. Once they cheat things are never the same anyway. The person you loved has gone, just accept that and walk away for good. Take care. 3
Satu Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 She's so far south of what you deserve, that she's fallen off the map. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1
SaltAndLight Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I know you are hurting and i completely understand why!!Heartbreak is a beast that took me a long time to fully get over. I would say to you that you probably need to stop communication with her and anything to do with her love life until you have completely healed. Having those conversations and trying to give her encouragement when you know you don't truly feel that way inside is only hurting you and making her feel as though its okay. Its not okay and that's why you are struggling. Break off the communication, focus on moving forward with your life and having your heart healed. Stay strong and be encouraged!!! Im not going to tell you that time heals all wounds because thats a lie, but it does help give you the strength to better deal with things. 1
whatdeww18 Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I think everyone has posted great advice as to what you should do, no contact and letting yourself hear that it's okay to feel the way you do. Heartbreak hurts. A LOT. And I think you took the first step in healing and realizing that on your path to healing, we will have hiccups and slips. That's okay. Just get it out and let yourself feel your emotions. If you're sad, let yourself be sad for the time being. If you're mad, go out and get the anger out in a run or work out. Glad you're expressing your emotions online and realizing what they are: frustration, sadness, grief, etc. And now, work towards addressing those feelings, and getting them out. This has been me for the past two weeks, and not to gloat my beard or anything (I don't have one, sadly) but I am doing A HELL OF A LOT BETTER than my friends. I legit sat around and let my sorrows take me for 2 days and binge watched shows and ate cookies hahaha. But now that I have it out, the pain of sadness that tends to swing by sometimes hurts a whole lot less. Time heals when we address our emotions and work on them. Time doesn't heal them when we sit back and try to act like we're okay and bottling the emotions up until they go wild... Hope that makes some sense and wishing you a speedy emotional recovery -WhatDEWWWWW 1
Been Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 As long as you stay in contact with her you will never recover. You will always analyze everything she says or does instead of taking time to yourself. And in the end you will feel WORSE. Just block her. From EVERYTHING. 1
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 On top of what everyone said here I think it's important to mention "If a girl cheats with you, she'll cheat on you." These two built a relationship foundation based on disrespect, deceit, and fantasy. Does that sound healthy? Get them off a pedestal. Their success rate is going to be stacked against them. While in the meantime you can work on yourself and find something you deserve. Also, you handled this with great honor and gracefully bowed out. You're helluva dude from the sounds of it and it's okay to think "**** her" every once in awhile. We all do.
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