phoenix333 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I posted this in the breaking up section too, but I wanted to get opinions and input from the people here. Two days ago my girlfriend told me over the phone that she needs space. She didn't explain. I felt shocked. I didn't know what to say. She quickly told me that she couldn't talk more. She said, "I can't talk right now. Please trust me to contact you though" I can't exactly call or email her to ask her to explain, because then I wouldn't be giving her 'space'. I haven't heard from her at all for two days now. Not even an email to explain. Nothing. Zip. Zero. (this was a new relationship, less than six months together, we were going slow because we are long distance from each other) Help!!!
RecordProducer Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 It sounds like you were never really close. I am in a long-distance relationship myself and after a month we felt hooked big time. Obviously something is going on and she doesn't want to tell you what. If it were me I would insist to hear what is going on. I would ask many questions until I discover something. It's never about space. people who need space are usually not in love or they have met someone else and want to see how it will work with them. When I was told to give space, what he wanted was to see if he can get back with his ex-girlfriend. And you know what he told me:"Don't think that I want to see how it will work with someone else and if not get back to you!" Ironically, it was exactly that, although I didn't ask him anything. After a week he told me he had a GF and loved her, but she left him. I was 16 then, he was 22 and this GF was 24. In any case I think you have a right to know whether you should wait for her or not. "Space" means temporary break-up. I personally wouldn't accept any temporary break-ups as in one person is waiting for the other one to re-start the relationship. If it's a break-up then both people should decide whether to restart it. But maybe you want to wait for her. In any case, she should tell you what this space means and not pull your leg. By the way, you don't need to post the same thread in two different forums. The same people are hanging everywhere, it's not different folks in each forum.
Author phoenix333 Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Thanks for your post. I thought that maybe different people sort of hung out in different forums. I am really in love with this woman, and I'm afraid that if I contact her in anyway that will push her away even further. I want to respect her need for space. I do keep thinking it might be that she found someone else. I really miss her. I'm trying to wait at least a week before contacting her.
DonJuan` Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 I also dont get this.... women always want this "space" out of the blue..... Everything in the relationship will be fine, and then one morning they will wake up and they will suddenly need "space" ? What is up with that? Whats going through a woman's head when she says this? I have noticed that a lot of women do this when things in their lives are getting really hectic, schooling, family, death in the family, anything of that sort, and they jump up and say "i need space" .... why push your man away when you should be leaning on HIS shoulder? Thats bulls*** in my eye's, and i really dont get women when they do s*** like this. Comments?
aguyconfused Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 My roommate’s girlfriend did that to him just after Christmas when he bought her all kinds of things she really wanted. She claimed that there was no one else and she just needed space it was not a break up. She did not call him for 3 weeks even on Valentines Day. I found out she had found someone new from her roommate, I just did not have the heart to tell him because I knew it would crush him. Unfortunately he found out anyway because we ran right into her with her new boyfriend.
DonJuan` Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by aguyconfused My roommate’s girlfriend did that to him just after Christmas when he bought her all kinds of things she really wanted. She claimed that there was no one else and she just needed space it was not a break up. She did not call him for 3 weeks even on Valentines Day. I found out she had found someone new from her roommate, I just did not have the heart to tell him because I knew it would crush him. Unfortunately he found out anyway because we ran right into her with her new boyfriend. How cruel! ... Sometimes I question the fact that god gave EVERYBODY a heart! *sigh*
l2hvn Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 the "i need some space" line is the boneless, coward way of saying "i don't want to be with you anymore." guys use this line just as much as girls.
DonJuan` Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by l2hvn the "i need some space" line is the boneless, coward way of saying "i don't want to be with you anymore." guys use this line just as much as girls. No offence, but thats BULLs***! This line can mean different things, depending on the person that is saying it. I have heard of MANY cases when that line was used GENUINELY, and I have also seen many cases where that line was used in the way that u described it to be used... but please, DONT generalize based upon what u have experienced or what u think.
l2hvn Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by DonJuan` No offence, but thats BULLs***! This line can mean different things, depending on the person that is saying it. I have heard of MANY cases when that line was used GENUINELY, and I have also seen many cases where that line was used in the way that u described it to be used... but please, DONT generalize based upon what u have experienced or what u think. they may have a million reasons why they need "space." but it means space away from you..... sad but true.
alphamale Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 i would suggest your start looking for someone new PHOENIX333. this is one of the main problems with LDRs....you don't know what your SO is doing when you are 250 miles away good luck
crazy_grl Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by DonJuan` No offence, but thats BULLs***! This line can mean different things, depending on the person that is saying it. I have heard of MANY cases when that line was used GENUINELY, and I have also seen many cases where that line was used in the way that u described it to be used... but please, DONT generalize based upon what u have experienced or what u think. Who are you to go around giving lectures about generalizing when you just posted this, where you make it sound like only women ever say they need space. Originally posted by DonJuan` I also dont get this.... women always want this "space" out of the blue..... Everything in the relationship will be fine, and then one morning they will wake up and they will suddenly need "space" ? What is up with that? Whats going through a woman's head when she says this? I have noticed that a lot of women do this when things in their lives are getting really hectic, schooling, family, death in the family, anything of that sort, and they jump up and say "i need space" .... why push your man away when you should be leaning on HIS shoulder? Thats bulls*** in my eye's, and i really dont get women when they do s*** like this. Comments? Phoenix, usually nothing good comes from taking space. You can give her a week or so and then call her to ask what's going on if you'd like. I don't see much wrong with that. But while she's taking her space, you should also be taking yours. In other words, prepare yourself for the possibility of a break-up, but don't spend all your time worrying about it. Go on about your life and have fun. And don't assume that she wants to break kup. You'll only get yourself into trouble by assuming the worst, because you'll get angry and upset at her and drive her away. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Whatever you do, don't sound desperate and sad when you call her. Try to remain positive.
DonJuan` Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 crazy_grl: I didnt say that women dont DO it, i said that there could be MNAY reasons for them saying it, it doesnt always have to mean that they just dont want to be with that man, it could mean other things, but yes, they DO do it a lot. *G*
Icarus Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 "I need space" is a now well-established colloquialism for ... "this isn't what I want or need right now". The reasons those words get said are countless. The response in all cases should be the same. "OK" Do not argue, ask why, plead, beg, or cry about it. Do not try to find logic or reasoning behind it. Just walk away and provide more space than they MIGHT have been asking for. If it was space they wanted ... they'll be back. If it was a spineless way to tell you to hit the road, you've already got a head start on leaving them in the dust!
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