LookAtThisPOst Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I've even noticed this outside of social media. Noticed this article.... When Your Relationship Feels Like a Secret, What?s Really Going On? | Fox News Magazine Don't get blown back by the "Fox news" name, there's several articles that are similar in content by different bloggers and subject matter experts. Plus it was #1 on Google, so I went with it. Have you ever come across friends that out of the blue they had a new boyfriend that even you didn't know about? Were you surprised and even asked them why they never said anything about seeing anyone? But in their defense, it seems dating as a whole has left more uncertainty in an era of disposable relationships. For instance, you don't want to speak too soon of someone you're seeing until you're in love and/or truly committed...and in a commitment-phobic/ hook-up culture....people are more than likely aren't going to talk about this "wonderful man/woman" they met at the gym, or grocery store. In fact, I even had a male friend ask me not to tell this woman he was seeing that he was going to an event that she hinted around at wanting to go with him. Apparently, he didn't invite her because the event mostly had people he knew for years, like...family and he didn't want to bring along a "strange" woman that he just started dating into a circle of friends he knew for years. I found it rather odd though, because according to him...I thought they've been on like 4 or dates already and she was really into him. I kind of knew her as a friend and I was happy for them...but found it rather odd he didn't want too many people knowing about her. His actions actually sabotaged the relationship. Apparently, he really didn't acknowledge her as the new girlfriend and this caused her to launch him. Of course, in their defense, some may see this as the "beginning stages of dating" and well, that's something you dont' reveal yet, but...if you and that person your dating isn't on the same page where one PREFERS to be known to their new beaus friends, but...the new beau does not... Then you have problems, right?
NuevoYorko Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 4 dates isn't very many. I wouldn't necessarily want my family and friends to know about the person or for the person to be involved in my family life at this stage. There are dozens of reasons this might be the case, some of them not very nice, like you're not sure you're that into the person so why get others involved? For me it's more along the lines of "none of your business." If the relationship lasts, certainly the person is going to become involved in my life and I in theirs, why push it?
Mysterio Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I had my friend G tell me that he did not know that his other friend B was expecting a kid with B's wife. I knew and I am more aquinatances with B. Some people don't show interest in their surroundings and that is the results. So some people dating in secret, does not surprise me. Its all dependent on how open one is with their life.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I would prefer to keep it a secret until about 6 months. Others have different ideas. My current bf has introduced me to all his friend and parents. I haven't introduced him to anyone. I am mostly hesitant to integrate him into my life because I am not sure we will last. If I had more confidence in us, this wouldn't be a problem. 4
Miss Peach Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I would prefer to keep it a secret until about 6 months. Others have different ideas. My current bf has introduced me to all his friend and parents. I haven't introduced him to anyone. I am mostly hesitant to integrate him into my life because I am not sure we will last. If I had more confidence in us, this wouldn't be a problem. Same here with the most recent BF. I've met several people on his side plus his parents. I've introduced him only to one on my side bu plan to take him to a party soon. I haven't kept him completely a secret but I'm naturally cautious until somewhere in the 3-6 month area.
GemmaUK Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Same here with the most recent BF. I've met several people on his side plus his parents. I've introduced him only to one on my side bu plan to take him to a party soon. I haven't kept him completely a secret but I'm naturally cautious until somewhere in the 3-6 month area. Ditto to you and Eternal Sunshine. 4 dates in does not a relationship make OP!
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I never introduce the men I'm casually dating or men I know won't turn into anything serious long term to my family or friends. I mean, what's the point? I didn't even mention I was seeing someone let alone introduce my last long term relationship to family or friends until it was more than a year into the relationship. At first it wasn't supposed to be anything serious but turned into something very serious and very significant a few months into it. It was wonderful and I guess I got a little greedy in staying in this perfect little bubble we created for ourselves for as long as we could get away with it. Family and friends are great and have their place when it comes to relationships but they can also set you up for a lot of unnecessary, unexpected and unsolicited expectations.
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