shy_actor Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 My last few Tinder dates have been very similar. We meet at a bar and within seconds of meeting I realize I'm not attracted to them. But I am sociable person and enjoy meeting new people so I make an effort to chat and get to know them anyway. We end up talking for 4+ hours and I build a connection with them - though not physical. Then we get kicked out at last call and I walk them to their car. At that moment it gets really awkward for me as I would normally try to hold hands or put my arm around her but I just can't do that with someone I'm not that into. I can tell they are waiting for me to make a move but the evening ends with a friendly hug. I always text them to make sure they got home safe but then I go NC after that. It's about to happen a third time in a row... Is it normal to have 4+ hour Tinder first dates? I'm guessing not but I dunno. I feel like I sending horrible mixed signals but I enjoy being out and genuinely cherish their company at that moment. Yet in the back of my mind I'm certain there will be no second date. Should I just cap those dates at 30 minutes? I feel kinda awful going no contact but what am I supposed to say? "I like you as a person but I'm just not attracted to you..."
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Anything would be preferable than getting their hopes up, only to ignore them and leave them hanging. Stop with the mixed signals. Make the dates short if you don't feel any interest. Cut it at one hour max then send a polite message later saying that you don't feel a romantic connection but it was very nice to meet them and wish them the best. Yes, the rejection might sting a bit, but at least it isn't leading them on and shows respect for their time and feelings.
kidm Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I bet they didn't sign up on tinder hoping to meet a guy who is not interested but just wants to chat. Your actions are self-serving. If you realize you're not interested, you should find a way to end date nicely and respectfully and don't waste any more of their time.
Redhead14 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 My last few Tinder dates have been very similar. We meet at a bar and within seconds of meeting I realize I'm not attracted to them. But I am sociable person and enjoy meeting new people so I make an effort to chat and get to know them anyway. We end up talking for 4+ hours and I build a connection with them - though not physical. Then we get kicked out at last call and I walk them to their car. At that moment it gets really awkward for me as I would normally try to hold hands or put my arm around her but I just can't do that with someone I'm not that into. I can tell they are waiting for me to make a move but the evening ends with a friendly hug. I always text them to make sure they got home safe but then I go NC after that. It's about to happen a third time in a row... Is it normal to have 4+ hour Tinder first dates? I'm guessing not but I dunno. I feel like I sending horrible mixed signals but I enjoy being out and genuinely cherish their company at that moment. Yet in the back of my mind I'm certain there will be no second date. Should I just cap those dates at 30 minutes? I feel kinda awful going no contact but what am I supposed to say? "I like you as a person but I'm just not attracted to you..." The first time you meet an OLD contact, it's not a "date". Its a short meet up to find out if there is enough attraction/interest to set up a real date. A couple of drinks, some ice breaker conversation. There should be no hand-holding or going in for a kiss, arm around shoulder, etc. You wouldn't do that if you met a woman randomly at a bar or something, would you? You would get her number and then call her for a date. To me it's the same thing as meeting someone "randomly". Of course, if you're really hitting it off from the get go, sure, spend a little more time. But, if you are otherwise, already not interested, why stretch it out?
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