NoDayButToday Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Hey, all. So, I have been talking to/dating someone for about a month now. We have gone on six dates and text every single day. We have really hit it off - He's said he likes me, has called me names like "cutie," has spoken about taking me to his hometown, etc. The past couple of days, he hasn't seemed as into things...When I say we text every day, I mean he usually texts first thing in the morning, so he is initiating the conversations. He is still doing that, but when I call him cute or use a petname that I've used before, he hasn't really responded or reacted. He hasn't really called me a petname at all the past couple of days, hasn't said anything flirty. He's still texting a ton, but it's all just very friendly. Yesterday I asked if he wanted to get together for dinner, and he said "eh not tonight." I want to ask if he's still interested in dating, but I don't want to come off as being needy, especially since I just asked him to get together yesterday. The last time we saw each other was Tuesday, so it wasn't that long ago, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading into things too much. Would it be weird to ask if he's still interested? It feels like mixed signals, since he is still texting a lot, but as I said it is very friendly. Maybe I should give it a few days, in case he's just having an off weekend? It has been a month and a good amount of dates, so maybe he's trying to test the waters to see if I'm clingy if we would actually turn things into a relationship?
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Maybe he feels you are not giving him signals that you want a relationship. Any kissing? making out? sex?
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Maybe he feels you are not giving him signals that you want a relationship. Any kissing? making out? sex? Yes to all of the above. :\
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Well then he is not giving you mixed signals, it's pretty clear he's not into a relationship. let me guess....this happened right after you slept together?
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Well then he is not giving you mixed signals, it's pretty clear he's not into a relationship. let me guess....this happened right after you slept together? Not right after, no. After we slept together, he actually came out and said he didn't want what we have to be just about sex. I couldn't believe a guy actually came out and said that. Lol But he seemed genuine about it.
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Well we can only guess.....better to just ask what's up and take it from there.
Redhead14 Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Hey, all. So, I have been talking to/dating someone for about a month now. We have gone on six dates and text every single day. We have really hit it off - He's said he likes me, has called me names like "cutie," has spoken about taking me to his hometown, etc. The past couple of days, he hasn't seemed as into things...When I say we text every day, I mean he usually texts first thing in the morning, so he is initiating the conversations. He is still doing that, but when I call him cute or use a petname that I've used before, he hasn't really responded or reacted. He hasn't really called me a petname at all the past couple of days, hasn't said anything flirty. He's still texting a ton, but it's all just very friendly. Yesterday I asked if he wanted to get together for dinner, and he said "eh not tonight." I want to ask if he's still interested in dating, but I don't want to come off as being needy, especially since I just asked him to get together yesterday. The last time we saw each other was Tuesday, so it wasn't that long ago, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading into things too much. Would it be weird to ask if he's still interested? It feels like mixed signals, since he is still texting a lot, but as I said it is very friendly. Maybe I should give it a few days, in case he's just having an off weekend? It has been a month and a good amount of dates, so maybe he's trying to test the waters to see if I'm clingy if we would actually turn things into a relationship? When in doubt . . . don't do anything. You sit back and observe. If it appears he is fading, you stop and breathe and let him fade if he is going to. Let him show you what's what and don't make assumptions after a "little blip" on the screen. If the blip continues for a period of time, you know it's more than a blip. If it feels like someone is pulling away, you stay centered an focused on you. You don't pick up the slack. You already initiated a date and he declined. The ball is in his court. If he takes a while to set up another date with you and calls you, you weigh how that made you feel and what he has to say about his distance and decide if you're still interested. You aren't in a relationship with him so date others to take your focus on off of him until things get clear. Give as much as you are getting. In the meantime, you keep busy with your life. And, if you've been being intimate with a man, you have the right/responsibility to get clarity for yourself about where the relationship stands. You can say something like "you know, Xname, I've been enjoying the time we spend together and I am not interested in seeing anyone else now" and then let him talk. You can at least seek exclusivity for a period of time to further evaluate the potential with him. Yeah, it's better if they do it first, but if you're feeling anxious or things aren't clear, you're a grown up, you can get clarity when you need it if you're stressing. But don't do this with him until he "comes back". Let this be for now.
Author NoDayButToday Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 When in doubt . . . don't do anything. You sit back and observe. If it appears he is fading, you stop and breathe and let him fade if he is going to. Let him show you what's what and don't make assumptions after a "little blip" on the screen. If the blip continues for a period of time, you know it's more than a blip. If it feels like someone is pulling away, you stay centered an focused on you. You don't pick up the slack. You already initiated a date and he declined. The ball is in his court. If he takes a while to set up another date with you and calls you, you weigh how that made you feel and what he has to say about his distance and decide if you're still interested. You aren't in a relationship with him so date others to take your focus on off of him until things get clear. Give as much as you are getting. In the meantime, you keep busy with your life. And, if you've been being intimate with a man, you have the right/responsibility to get clarity for yourself about where the relationship stands. You can say something like "you know, Xname, I've been enjoying the time we spend together and I am not interested in seeing anyone else now" and then let him talk. You can at least seek exclusivity for a period of time to further evaluate the potential with him. Yeah, it's better if they do it first, but if you're feeling anxious or things aren't clear, you're a grown up, you can get clarity when you need it if you're stressing. But don't do this with him until he "comes back". Let this be for now. It's just hard to know when he's "coming back" because he hasn't gone anywhere. He still texts constantly, texts first each time, initiates pretty much all conversation. Then when I say something flirty, the conversation stops. We already had the talk about being exclusive at least when it comes to sex, and he has implied he isn't looking to date anyone else. This seems like the definition of mixed signals.
lana-banana Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Was the exclusive conversation before or after his flirty chats started dropping off? If it was before, I would assume his interest has dropped off. If after, it's some serious mixed signals. I would be wary of any change in attitude like that.
spiderowl Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I don't know how you should respond to this change in his text messages and seeming enthusiasm to meet up, but I know what I would do. I would withdraw as he is doing and get involved in something else. If someone appears to be drifting away, let them go. If you have been intimate with him, it would be fair enough at this stage to expect him to be responsive and still massively interested in you. If he isn't, back off so he has to come after you.
OnlyHonesty Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I'm not sure I believe in mixed signals. Maybe that's what we tell ourselves to avoid the truth...the truth that there are no mixed signals, just no longer any romantic interest. 1
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