Depressed, she's still in a relationship

[TravisLetseatgrandma]

Let me preface this that we are both 25, I am single, she was/is in an unhappy 4 year relationship.

I'm in need of help, I'm at an extremely low point in my life. The situation is, girl and I work together, girl and I got along very well. Girl was in very unsatisfactory relationship that she probably would have ended if not for their baby (money, she doesn't have nearly enough to support her or her baby) they had about 2 years ago.

 

She's also a very anxious/ woe is me bunch of guys friends tumblr type of girl. So about 6 or so months ago we started to talk exclusively and just about all the time, I kept putting off a blaze attitude when deep down I was crazy about her but never wanted to admit it mostly because of her relationship but also for the fact that we work together.

 

Things slowly escalate, emotionally and slightly physical with the advent of her sending slightly racy pics (no nudes or anything) , I was also working out 5 days a week, very confident. I go abroad for a month and whilst there she would randomly send me pictures of her out of the shower and then she finally revealed her feelings for me and that she wants to do things with me so bad.

 

We have cyber a few times, I come back home things escalate way more, physically and emotionally, she reveals her love for me I do the same, we both really feel it and she reveals how crazy she is about me (thinks about me all the time, physically enamored, how safe and how she melts with) she even tells me she wants to marry me and how I am her soulmate.

 

I feel elated, I finally found someone I can reciprocate my feelings for, be 100% myself around, have fun with, have a great sex life with, she is always talking about how lucky she is to even be talking to me and how much I have made her life better, but there was always one thing in my mind, and probably here too.

 

She's still in a relationship even if they barely speak and aren't happy, she still lives in an apartment with this guy, she still has a kid with him, don't get me wrong the kid is great.

 

Fast forward a few weeks she starts to be a little hot and cold, although she never admits it, I tell her I've thought about it for a while, and that I need to take a step back and let her figure out her stuff first and then maybe, when she's available, we can reconvene. She goes full clinger, like where she's just begging to even talk to me, I cave, albeit I miss talking to her too.

 

Things go passionate again, fast forward to last month, her boyfriend must have seen a message from me, she states "we both know our situation is different but I never think wanted him to find out" she reveals to him we have kissed and that she has feelings for me. She tells me she feels like human garbage, I assure her she's not but to take time to sort herself out. We don't talk for three days after talking everyday for 6 months, besides some intensely poor interactions at work where we both seem miserable.

 

We finally meet up and I tell her again how amazing she is to me, and that I can't pretend my feelings for her aren't true. she says likewise but she just needs time to focus on herself and can't just jump into another relationship right now. That she is seeing a person for help, and that at this point the way she is in now it wouldn't be beneficial to either of us and that maybe we can make it work in a few months. I agree and assure her that's probably the best route, fast toward a few more days. She reveals to me this is the hardest thing in her life to not talk to me all the time, (in my head I agree, I'm miserable too I foolishly redownload kik, tinder, bumble)

 

I tell her I can't just wait around that it's unfair to me, but that I also can't not try with her. I'm unsure of where to go from here, I was starting to seem come off as needy, it's always been the opposite, I feel vulnerable and I'm just reaching for straws just to have some communication, she wasnt reciprocating. I just feel that I can't not try to make things work with her, I've never felt this passionate for someone before, someone that I could see marrying and her saying and feeling the same.

 

I convince myself to give her the time she needs, so, slowly a month passes, with our only means of communication being 1 day a week at work, with each compounding week her reactions to me being less flirty or friendly to, last week which was her emotional, having to leave, then ignoring me or being standoffish. She then unfollowed me on various forms of social media.

 

I am leaving to a new store in a few weeks, and I'm unsure of where to go from here. I love her, but I also want to see her happy, do I forge on pretending to be unaffected, leaving the store in hopes that in a few months after no contact she comes back to me? Or settle it right now and have a long talk, let her know I just want her to be happy and let her be?

Edited December 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[aileD]

Give her the time she needs. If you are meant to be together, it will happen the right way. Free and clear. Her relationship with the other guy might be bad but he's the father of her child and they are A FAMILY. It's a big deal to think about breaking up your family and altering the life of your child forever. She can't do all that with you around and it's not your place to want anything from her, she is someone else's woman.

 

Move on, and someday if and when she is single then maybe you'll meet up again if you are truly soulmates.

 

 

(Everyone in affairs thinks they are soul mates it seems, that's the nature of an affair....the secrecy intensifies the feelings)

[DKT3]

Most likely from what you've said, her relationship isn't that bad, and she is actively trying to save it. I'm guessing she won't just tell you that because she will do one of two things 1) come back around when the dust settles 2) keep you in her pocket just in case.

 

Don't believe me or you want to watch her go radio silent on you, suggest talking to her boyfriend(don't actually do it) to tell him your still in contact with her and watch her head for the hills.

 

She is acting more like a MM is this situation and would bet your not the only OM in her life, sounds like someone who seeks out male attention.

[Gloria25]

She has a lot of "guy" friends on Tumblr and she's been four ("4") years with some guy she's allegedly unhappy with?

 

Dude, forget this girl. There's women who are single mums and aren't leaning on some dude to pay half/all their bills. To me, that's akin to her selling her body as a prostitute. Some single parents move back in/closer to their families to aid in raising the kid - she's been with this guy for four years and has no exit plan/strategy except for hook another guy to take his place (or play on the side while he keeps her financially secure).

 

I mean, all this time she spends on Tumblr and/or flirting with you, she could get a 2nd job to save up to move out of this situation with this 4-year guy.

[aileD]

And.....technically she could trade him for you and you could pay her bills and she would get child support for him and probably be better financially if she left him and jumped into it with you.

 

If she really wanted to,she would. She doesn't . She chose him. Move on.