bachdude Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 She not only broke up with you but she gave you a swift kick where it hurts when she said, "I don't feel you're the strong man that I need". Then she accepts all your gifts! I think you are seeing her through rose colored glasses, bro. 1
Author Dashottcalla Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Your X is right you're not strong enough for her. You come off as needy, clingy. A hanger on type I know that's what I've been displaying since the break up.. I acted that way because I'm always the person who can talk myself in or out of certain situations.. So I didn't want to believe that circumstance was any different.. So I tried harder and harder instead of backing off which was a mistake.. I know I displayed a lot of weakness but that's not who I am.. It is what I displayed because I was operating out of a fearful position..
Author Dashottcalla Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 No... when you were around her you became your true self. You are selfish and seek approval...but its neatly package into a fog of niceness. Is this the same girl? This is self approving behavior. Lets be honest...if you wanted a mountain dew would you travel to 4 stores to get one? Probably not. This is a double edge sword. I too am the same way...but you have to understand something... How do you develop a connection...how do you become a individual if you don't have any substance. If she literally can control you and get anything she wants from you...then you are no different than a remote control car. Is this the person you want to be... or can you admit you have a problem? Are you ok with being a person with a problem and notably saying this is who you are with compassion? You are stuck with the need to make people happy for your own selfish returns and you cannot fall in love in this manner..ever! Though this girl dates a--holes. Her heart is telling her this isn't right. You need to really think about how your going to move forward... if your going to keep being nice for self approval or just do the things you want to do... that is the difference. Yes, it hard. I have impeccable patient, I was brought up by both my father and mother to be neat and iron your clothes. To do well in school. To be polite to others. Unfortunately, in first world countries like the USA or Canada and Europe being nice doesn't get you far.. its how you connect with people that matters. No this isn't the same girl as last year.. I do admit I'm selfish to an extent.. Like I know what I should do and in my friendship, relationships with family, coworkers and anybody else for that matter I am the calm cool collected person who's always joking and doesn't really take things so serious.. I got in this relationship and "slipped up" and started demonstrating to her weaker attributes that I know aren't in line with my beliefs and standards.. I looked at it and realized that I did it out of an unrealistic fear of losing her.. I've been doing a hell of a lot of learning and getting back to myself.. Not operating from fear or silly beliefs thinking that I'm not good enough.. The mountain dew situation with the other girl I was being overly accommodating and she wasn't even my girlfriend.. I was overcompensating because she heard from a friend of mine that I was a bad guy, I have been in the past, so I foolishly did so much to "bury" that view of me.. My most recent ex has never tried to control me.. I would buy her things throughout our relationship but it was never anything lavish.. I started doing the overspending once she stopped communicating with me because I wanted her to know that I am still there for her and the bigger things I got her were things I promised to get her for her birthday and I didn't want to back out on that because of course I still wanted to be with her.. I can admit that this was the totally wrong way to go about things as she's the one who broke up with me so I should have just took a major step back. Instead I kept taking steps toward her while she was steady backing away.. I do understand and appreciate your post..
umirano Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I think you're lying to yourself. You are actually pressuring her, by inviting her and gifting. And if you don't care whether she takes you back or not... then what is the point of this whole exercise? One thing is for sure though. You will not have grown in anyway in three weeks of limited contact. You will not be happy with a GF, any GF, that you manipulated into being with you. This is a waste of time and money. I think you need to figure out what you really want. And then you need another good month or more to think about how to get there, to work out a strategy. And by that time you will likely have figured out that this woman is not who you really want. Like another person said, who keeps an ex around for the gifts? Is that the best you can do in dating?? Good luck.
Author Dashottcalla Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 I think you're lying to yourself. You are actually pressuring her, by inviting her and gifting. And if you don't care whether she takes you back or not... then what is the point of this whole exercise? One thing is for sure though. You will not have grown in anyway in three weeks of limited contact. You will not be happy with a GF, any GF, that you manipulated into being with you. This is a waste of time and money. I think you need to figure out what you really want. And then you need another good month or more to think about how to get there, to work out a strategy. And by that time you will likely have figured out that this woman is not who you really want. Like another person said, who keeps an ex around for the gifts? Is that the best you can do in dating?? Good luck. My whole point was that I feel like we are good for each other and I displayed behaviors that made her believe otherwise.. It would be nice to have her back but I definitely don't want to pressure her or even sway her decision, I just wanted to see if it made sense to continue dating her (minus the gifts) while showing her the true me, not the weak version of me I started to display to her or if it made more sense to just step back altogether.. Because like I said, I feel fine about everything, I do facepalm when I look back at how I was acting, but I feel like my true self.. Initially I was gifting and contacting her in attempts to make her want to come back which was weak, needy and desperate because I was in an emotional state.. I have no interest now in trying to get coerce her to be with me, I'm more focused on just having a good time with her.. She was good to me and for me, I did unconsciously make quite a few mistakes along the way that undoubtedly made her start to act and respond differently.. I can say honestly that I cleaned that up.. Not to say my growing is finished, because I do believe growth is lifelong.. But I feel like I'm in a good place, a better place than when I met her
joseb Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 I just wanted to see if it made sense to continue dating her (minus the gifts) while showing her the true me, not the weak version of me I started to display to her or if it made more sense to just step back altogether.. You are broken up. You are not "continuing to date her". You don't go out with someone you have broken up with. Initially I was gifting and contacting her in attempts to make her want to come back which was weak, needy and desperate because I was in an emotional state.. I have no interest now in trying to get coerce her to be with me, OK, great, you get it.. I'm more focused on just having a good time with her.. She was good to me and for me, I did unconsciously make quite a few mistakes along the way that undoubtedly made her start to act and respond differently.. Oh no, wait, you don't. I'm not sure if you are delusional or what, but you two are broken up. There isn't any "having a good time with her". You move on. Have you asked her yet about returning those gifts? At least then she might have a smidgen of respect for you, and realise you are past trying to buy her affection.
Author Dashottcalla Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) You are broken up. You are not "continuing to date her". You don't go out with someone you have broken up with. OK, great, you get it.. Oh no, wait, you don't. I'm not sure if you are delusional or what, but you two are broken up. There isn't any "having a good time with her". You move on. Have you asked her yet about returning those gifts? At least then she might have a smidgen of respect for you, and realise you are past trying to buy her affection. I see what you're saying.. If we're broken up, its not considered a date.. I suppose I should rephrase that and call it an outing I understand that we're broken uup, I'm not holding on to the past, there's no confusion on my end.. The thing is that she is still open to going out whether it be to eat, to go to the gym, to go to events and even over my place to study her math.. Is it implausible or nonsensical to have a good time or to continue on doing any of these things whilst not in a relationship?.. I would never ask for gifts back, that's not in my nature.. It seems like such a weak/immature thing to do in my opinion.. She didn't deceive me or even ask for them.. If anything I deceived myself in hoping she would quickly change her mind by me doing all these things. Plus I highly doubt taking gifts back will do anything but build resentment.. I don't want that negative energy in my life, I'll just chalk it up as a loss if anything and live with the mistake Edited December 12, 2016 by Dashottcalla
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