canadian gal Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I don't know if I'm looking for support, or if I just need to make a confession. BF and I have been together for 17 yrs, no children - wonderful relationship and great sex. We have a very open relationship, where we discuss pretty much of everything. A few weeks ago he got back in touch with a friend of 36 yrs. I had never met him until a few weeks ago. We instantly connected in a way that is really hard to describe. I felt as if I had known him for a long time, as if it was something that I lost or was missing and just refound. The OM also felt this way, as we openly discussed it and all laughed about it. Last Sat BF invited OM over for supper and a dip in the spa. It was a wonderful night, sipping drinks around the fire with great conversation, and foot massages -- but still that weird connection -- our eyes would lock. Now I have to mention that some of the conversation was about sex and sexual relationships. We ended up in the spa and after a while BF decided to go to bed. That left OM and I in the spa alone. I guess there is no need for details. I knew after the first kiss that it was wrong, I even said it, however I allowed it to happen. I felt as if I was in a dream, floating, in a trance. We eventually had sex. The next day BF are sitting around talking about the night before. Then he asks me if OM and I "did anything". At first I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but it was the way he asked me, like it didn't bother him if we did. My reply was no, nothing happend. He then said "Om didn't make any advances towards you?" Again I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it seemed as if this had almost been planned???!!?? Could BF have gone to bed early on purpose? I feel like I'm going crazy. I have never done anything like this before and the guilt is overwhelming, yet I'm so confused. Was BF searching for answers because he was suspicious or was he searching for answers to fulfill some type of fantasy? I haven't told him what happened, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should.
westernxer Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 If you feel like you were pawned into this, tell him. Still no excuse for doing what you did, since you were hot for his friend to begin with. This is dangerous territory...
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 It may or may not have been a setup but I'm sure either way, your BF probably picked up on the attraction between you two had a gut feeling about it. May as well tell him the truth, because he pretty much already knows. I'm sure he could tell you were being dishonest by your reaction. People who have been together a long time learn to read each other's bodies: no doubt he picked up on your attraction, and your dishonesty about it. You have to make a choice: live with this, and pretend it never happened and continue to gaslight your boyfriend or come clean about it and try to work through it together.
Bryanp Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I think you owe it to your boyfriend to be honest with him. You have now cheated on your boyfriend with his best friend in your home and have lied to your boyfriend about it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? I think at the very least you owe it to your boyfriend to be honest. Don't you?
jmargel Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 First, as the BF he picked up on it. He went to bed to see if you would act on it. Second do you honestly think your BF was sleeping the whole time? He knows what's going on. Third you are with this guy for 17 years and not married? What the heck is wrong here? Let me guess, this is the first time you cheated during these 17 years as well?
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