Can't bring myself to unfriend and block her

[Oregon_Dude]

Hi kids. Yep, another breakup. Nope, don't care to go into details. The story's always the same anyway, right? Someone wants to stay in it - always me - and the other person doesn't it.

 

With this one though, I just can't do the unfriending thing. I had told her pretty early on that I didn't want to friend her on FB for this very reason - because it gets messy with the untagging, etc. Well, we ending up friending after a particularly romantic weekend months ago, then split up for good almost a month ago.

 

So, we're still friends on there. I know the standard advice. But part of me wants to leave an open door for reconciliation, not romantically, but meaningfully, as we were confidantes for the other.

 

If I can just stop checking her page, that would solve it. The reason I keep doing it, every few days, is to see if she'll give me a solid reason to unfriend (pics of her with a guy or something similarly painful).

 

If I am going to unfriend, I'd like to send her a message first letting her know it's for me and not a mean thing. But that would mean contact.

 

I don't know. Untagging these pics - and one of them I tagged she uses as her profile pic - and doing the whole thing is just too painful.

 

Can I stay friends on there and just exert self-control not to go on FB?

 

I hate modern relationships.

[Marc878]

It's easy just push the button

[Oregon_Dude]

She's friends on there with literally all her exes. I'll look like the sole wussy, butthurt one.

[dumbass2]

She's friends on there with literally all her exes. I'll look like the sole wussy, butthurt one.

 

No, i think her ex's still on there are the wussy's. They're sticking around and took the downgrade to "just friends" and probably still hoping she will go back to one of them. Do you want to join them?

 

And the "not romantically" is probably you lying to yourself in hopes that you two can be romantic again. I don't know anyone that has been able to go from romantic/physical relationship to friends only overnight.

 

"Can I stay friends on there and just exert self-control not to go on FB?" NO.

again, you're lying to yourself if you think you can.

 

I have never and will never be friends on Facebook with a woman I am in a relationship with. Honestly, what would be the benefit of that?

[HorseLuck]

She's friends on there with literally all her exes. I'll look like the sole wussy, butthurt one.

 

You would look like the one who isn't weak-minded and a part of the flock, that's for sure. Why would she confide in you at this point when she has all these other exes to go to. If you stay contact you're going to make it alot harder on yourself and drag out the pain. Additionally, if you wanted to leave a door open- regardless of whether you close it now, she will find a way to reach out and contact you.

[Satu]

Deleting my Facebook account was a real peak experience

 

It's a place where people have 'friends' they don't know, and 'like' things they find uninteresting.

 

I came to think that it was a complete waste of time.

 

No regrets.

 

 

Take care.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Can I stay friends on there and just exert self-control not to go on FB?

 

Only you can answer that truthfully. However, based on what you have said, I doubt it. For some people it can turn into a painful addiction.

 

If I am going to unfriend, I'd like to send her a message first letting her know it's for me and not a mean thing. But that would mean contact.

 

I would caution you against this. Contacting her to tell her why you are unfriending her is a bit of a weak move. It will just come across as a desperate cry for attention and will most likely result in her pitying you.

 

Alternatively, you could always start with "unfollowing" her and see if that feels before removing her permanently?

 

Don't forget that you already made it clear to her that you didn't want to be Facebook friends in case things didn't work out so she probably wont be that surprised if you did remove her as a Facebook friend.

 

Even if you do go ahead and delete her, it doesn't exclude the possibility that you will reconnect as friends in the future. Nothing is certain, so just do what feels right for you now.

[Oregon_Dude]

Thank you all for your replies and input.

 

I went on there and noticed she had deleted the few pics of us together. I deleted all of mine of us. I unfriended her. I blocked her. It was really hard. I cried the whole time.

 

We officially broke up three weeks ago. She never tried to contact me since.

 

I guess now I can really move on, without any hope. Just memories. She'll likely think I'm petty. It hurt so much, severing those last ties.

 

I took the piece of paper with her phone number on it, and burned it.

 

New days.

[Marc878]

Best thing you could've done. You've freed yourself from those bindings

[Satu]

As painful as it is, you did the right thing, and it will make your healing quicker and easier.

 

 

Take care.

[Survivor12]

Good for you! I know it hurts but ripping the bandaid off quickly is much less painful in the long run.

 

Stay strong. If you need to talk or are feeling like reaching out, come here first. Someone will be here to listen and advise.

[Hoosfoos]

I had to do the same thing. It was very difficult for me as well. But I find satisfaction in knowing she won't be able to keep tabs on me. You'll feel the same way eventually.

[Sweetfish]

You are no longer a trophy EX.

[Blanco]

Really the only people who would get upset about an ex doing this are the ones who either can't empathize with actions and feelings that don't align with their own, or the people who pride themselves on being "friends" with all of their exes.

 

My ex got into a new relationship quickly after I moved out, but it drove her up the wall that I didn't want to remain "friends." I think that was due in large part to her being one of those "I'm friends with all of my exes," and now here I was bucking that trend and ruining that talking point for her.

 

The guy she wound up with is well off, so I have no regrets about deleting and blocking her. I'd rather be viewed as a "wuss" instead of seeing pictures of her bankrolled vacations and enduring it all in the name of being "mature."

[fromheart]

Hi kids. Yep, another breakup. Nope, don't care to go into details. The story's always the same anyway, right? Someone wants to stay in it - always me - and the other person doesn't it.

 

With this one though, I just can't do the unfriending thing. I had told her pretty early on that I didn't want to friend her on FB for this very reason - because it gets messy with the untagging, etc. Well, we ending up friending after a particularly romantic weekend months ago, then split up for good almost a month ago.

 

So, we're still friends on there. I know the standard advice. But part of me wants to leave an open door for reconciliation, not romantically, but meaningfully, as we were confidantes for the other.

 

If I can just stop checking her page, that would solve it. The reason I keep doing it, every few days, is to see if she'll give me a solid reason to unfriend (pics of her with a guy or something similarly painful).

 

If I am going to unfriend, I'd like to send her a message first letting her know it's for me and not a mean thing. But that would mean contact.

 

I don't know. Untagging these pics - and one of them I tagged she uses as her profile pic - and doing the whole thing is just too painful.

 

Can I stay friends on there and just exert self-control not to go on FB?

 

I hate modern relationships.

 

 

If I want to keep the door open, I wont block them on social media but I'll never contact them.

 

But ultimately, you must do the best thing for you and your healing. It sounds like you have done the right thing in blocking her.

[Oregon_Dude]

I'm feeling a lot of shame and regret over blocking her. It's not like she was harassing me or anything. I just wanted to cut ties in the most final ways possible. I feel petty and immature and that she's going to laugh about me with her friends.

[BC1980]

I'm feeling a lot of shame and regret over blocking her. It's not like she was harassing me or anything. I just wanted to cut ties in the most final ways possible. I feel petty and immature and that she's going to laugh about me with her friends.

 

Those feelings are normal. I also felt guilt when I went no contact. My ex doesn't do social media, so I never had to block him. I think you need to look at the reasons why you're doing this. You're doing this to protect your emotions and move on. You're not doing it to be spiteful and punish her.just because she wasn't harassing you doesn't mean you should keep her in your life. Keeping her on social media would just be a constant reminder of her.

 

It took me a long time to go no contact, partly because I felt like a bad person. I was worried about my ex's feelings. And look, it's normal to feel that way. But at some point, you have to prioritize protecting yourself over feeling guilty that you might, possibly, maybe hurt someone's feelings.

[Marc878]

I'm feeling a lot of shame and regret over blocking her. It's not like she was harassing me or anything. I just wanted to cut ties in the most final ways possible. I feel petty and immature and that she's going to laugh about me with her friends.

 

So. It's in your best interest to move forward.

 

Why do you care what others think.

 

No contact is your best bet

[Slimtripper]

She's friends on there with literally all her exes. I'll look like the sole wussy, butthurt one.

 

It's the exact opposite. My ex gave me the "I stay friends with all my exes" bs when trying to convince me to be her friend incase we rekindled in the future.

So basically just sit around like those other lame guys waiting on another chance and not moving on.

It doesn't matter if ur ex thinks ur a wuss, it doesn't matter what they think about anything.

[lolablue17]

I'm feeling a lot of shame and regret over blocking her. It's not like she was harassing me or anything. I just wanted to cut ties in the most final ways possible. I feel petty and immature and that she's going to laugh about me with her friends.

 

Are you blind? Who cares (beside you) if she keeps few pics from her past? especially pics that were meaningful? She deleted your mutual pics together as a clear hostile message - to your eyes only.

 

It's a hypocrite move, because if you want NC with your ex, at least be honest, but no...! She insists of having a great estimation about herself, as one who always good with her ex's. So she just deletes pics... Are the pics really bother her? NO!

 

So if you think you're immature, you're much more mature than her! She started to play games, and you blocked her because you don't want to play HER games. You've demonstrated wisdom, independency, maturity and capability to execute. Impressive to me!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I personally don't see the big deal. I have all of my exes on FB (unless they decided to unfriend me). I see relationships ending as a natural process. I also don't restrict myself from looking at their pages any time I want to. In fact, I find it more healing than ignorance. If I see that they found a new love and have moved on, after the initial pang of pain, it only motivates me to do the same. It's hard to pine for someone that is blatantly over you.

 

But then again, I am the type that wants to have as much information as possible in any given situation to keep me grounded in reality. Then if a mutual friend says "oh your ex just got married and had a baby", I would have already known that and it won't be a surprise.

 

I don't understand the point of view where people prefer to put the blinders on about the reality around them.

[Blanco]

I personally don't see the big deal. I have all of my exes on FB (unless they decided to unfriend me). I see relationships ending as a natural process. I also don't restrict myself from looking at their pages any time I want to. In fact, I find it more healing than ignorance. If I see that they found a new love and have moved on, after the initial pang of pain, it only motivates me to do the same. It's hard to pine for someone that is blatantly over you.

 

But then again, I am the type that wants to have as much information as possible in any given situation to keep me grounded in reality. Then if a mutual friend says "oh your ex just got married and had a baby", I would have already known that and it won't be a surprise.

 

I don't understand the point of view where people prefer to put the blinders on about the reality around them.

 

For me, it's always been a case of, "OK, I know enough. I don't need to know even more."

 

I agree that sometimes less information makes it tougher to stay anchored in reality, but then again, social media isn't always reality.

 

It's just as easy to be misled by social media-delivered information as it is to be misled by keeping your head in the sand. Just look at the people here who won't delete their exes from social media and are subsequently under the impression that their ex is now in the most amazing, fulfilling relationship ever, because that's what the curated social media version of reality is telling them.

[BC1980]

For me, it's always been a case of, "OK, I know enough. I don't need to know even more."

 

I agree that sometimes less information makes it tougher to stay anchored in reality, but then again, social media isn't always reality.

 

It's just as easy to be misled by social media-delivered information as it is to be misled by keeping your head in the sand. Just look at the people here who won't delete their exes from social media and are subsequently under the impression that their ex is now in the most amazing, fulfilling relationship ever, because that's what the curated social media version of reality is telling them.

 

For me, I just wanted to move on. I felt that staying in contact actually caused me to doubt the reality that the relationship was over. So many people that follow exes on social media have difficulty moving on because they live in a fantasy brought to them by social media.

[bluepanox]

I am going through my breakup at the moment. I could not block her or unfriend her. Cause I thought I can always message her or look at her profile picture.

In the end I deactivated my Facebook account and blocked my computer from accessing Facebook all together.

DO what you have to do to keep NC.

It is the only way to heal.

[spiderowl]

I'm feeling a lot of shame and regret over blocking her. It's not like she was harassing me or anything. I just wanted to cut ties in the most final ways possible. I feel petty and immature and that she's going to laugh about me with her friends.

 

You're the one that matters here, who is hurting. You do what makes you feel better. It doesn't matter what she or her friends think. You are taking care of yourself and that is your priority at the moment.