BettyDraper Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 Black and white logic is those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Knowing that anything can be abused so can apps. Then follows is when "the gut feeling" alarm goes off to not have access is prior to this is only going to warn the WS that the BS is about to catch them and for the WS to then take evasive actions. Yes plain old common sense is what black and white logic is. Common sense should also dictate that spouses can easily have secret accounts and burner phones. If my husband asked to look at my phone or social media accounts, I would give him that information without any hesitation. Respecting privacy is about treating your spouse like a trustworthy human being if they haven't done anything wrong. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that individual freedoms are verboten. People who think that they MUST have access to everything are usually damaged by past experiences or they're just insecure. 1
How Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 I'm not married but in a long term relationship. Even in my previous 7-year relationship, I didn't know my girlfriend's password and I'm pretty sure she didn't know mine. I would often leave my social media and emails open on my laptops at the time. So if she wanted to she could look.
Author Popsicle Posted December 13, 2016 Author Posted December 13, 2016 Chiming in. Why don't you want a ltr with bf? We have some incompatibilities. And I say "have" in present tense because he is trying to come back and we have been talking.
wmacbride Posted December 13, 2016 Posted December 13, 2016 We both know each others passwords,and if either of us wanted to, we could both look into each others accounts, but we don't. If there was an emergency, he could check my email and I could check his for him, and have done so a few times when he asked me to. I don't see the point in monitoring your spouse, and besides, by husband is a techie, so if he wanted to hide something, he could.
lucy_in_disguise Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 I'm not married. There are some passwords my bf and I have shared out of convenience as it has come up- everything from laptop, to Pins and emails. However, I would find it strange to have a conversation about sharing passwords, or if my partner offered up his out of nowhere. I also issue with the whole "those who have nothing to hide don't need privacy" philosophy. To me, a relationship does not negate my need to have private thoughts or personal conversations with friends. While I can access his email and vice versa, I would never snoop on my partner, and trust that he wouldn't be interested in snooping on me. At the point where you need to audit your partner's communication, I believe there are serious trust issues that no amount of verification will resolve.
MJJean Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I find it interesting that every time we have a thread about passwords, even if infidelity isn't mentioned, people mention infidelity. It's almost as if most here can't comprehend the idea that some married couples share everything openly, including electronic devices and social media, texts, and email, simply because they are married, two have become one, and their lives are so intertwined that it would actually be strange to NOT have total access. "Hey, I'm in the bathroom, was that my phone? See who texted me, please!" "I'm up to my elbows in dish water, honey. Could you check my email and make sure the order shipped?" "Dinner in 10 minutes and we're out of XYZ. Do me a favor. Grab my wallet and run to the corner to get XYZ?" (because getting his wallet and using his debit card is easier and faster than trying to find my purse ) Honestly, it never occurred to me that there should be privacy in marriage until I came here. I asked DH about it and he was surprised, too. We just naturally assumed that married people shared everything. Thoughts, feelings, pins, passwords, devices, cars, everything. 2
Lady2163 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I've always assumed I was a very private person. A while ago I realized when I was an OW, the MM had full access and we talked about different aspects of our finances and business. Yet, anyone else who got near my phone or tablet or computer caused me to go into privacy mode. Now, I'm pretty open. I would have no problem sharing email passwords, social media passwords, phone access. But, if I entered a relationship, I'd probably log out of this site. :-) I'm older, I think if my friends were sending me confidential/personal texts, I'd delete or be a bit fussy about my phone. I don't know how forthcoming I'd be about finances. I would probably encourage a yours, mine and ours setup. I've worked hard to get where I am and sacrificed a lot. If I meet a man, fall in love with him, if he's been irresponsible with his money and finances, he isn't getting access to mine. Also, in the last few years, I've done a few....uhm....crooked things. I recently sold a house. There may have been some subterfuge on a few things - nothing that would cause death, illness or injury, but still not totally on the up and up. I've done some creative math in business practices. I guess the best vague description is I've committed some white collar misdemeanors and a few ethics/morals violations. I don't tell anyone about these things. Two reasons: those who love me have deniability and those who don't love me don't have ammunition. Now, to be honest, I really don't think I will ever have to commit those misdeeds again. But if I did, I'd probably be able to cover my tracks and keep it private.
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