Popsicle Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Do married people have each other's passwords?
Author Popsicle Posted December 9, 2016 Author Posted December 9, 2016 This question is for already married people to answer. Thank you.
Rockdad Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Sure with some couples. There are a variety of reasons such as infidelity, jealous spouse, they may share acct and I'm sure there are other reasons. Personally for us no. First off I can't remember my own let alone remembering my wife's! Neither of us are interested or approve of snooping, we have zero jealousy issues and quite frankly she can do anything she wants to do as far as I'm concerned.
RecentChange Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Yes we do. We always have though, even before we were married.... we moved in together and commingled our funds very early in the relationship. Gave him my email password to deal with bills. He gave me his for similar reasons. Phones were always shared as well - maybe we will be using his for navigation during a drive, or well use mine to play music at the house. Never occurred to me to not share them. 3
understand50 Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 yes, we have each other passwords. Only exception is my work password, as that changes every 90 days, but she is free to look at my work email, and the archive if she ever wants too. There should be no secrets in a marriage. Your past can be your own, but if it impacts the marriage, it should be open as well. My two cents.... 2
central Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We don't require it or expect it, but we keep a combined master list of accounts and passwords, and typically leave email and other things open on our computers (which have known passwords). We also share one smart phone - there are no secrets, but we also don't pry into each other's accounts. It's very convenient.
Philosoraptor Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Not on hand, but we ask when necessary. We need to get into each other's emails to print things every now and then, or to use online coupons and such when buying stuff online.
aileD Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Yes. We were casual about it before, knowing pW for things like ATM, banks stuff...I never really asked him for his other PW..,.till he had an affair. Now it's deliberate. Our fingerprints are in each other's phones and everything is open. If I want to know something, I ask and he gives. Yesterday I wanted to look someone up on linked in and I don't have a linked in acct so I asked him his info and he gave it to me no questions asked . But we don't constantly update each other on what our passwords are. But nothing is hidden
OatsAndHall Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 In my marriage, no, we did not. I have always felt that each individual should be afforded a certain level of privacy in a marriage. For example, I had three friends going through rough patches in their lives while I was married and we communicated via text, email and social media about them. These conversations were confidential and my spouse had no right to know the details of what was going on with them. Yes, I told her that my friends were going through a difficult time but they had an expectation of confidentiality and I did not share much with her. So, if I had given her my passwords, it would have been with the stipulation that she doesn't look at emails, texts or messages from ___, ___, and ____. That's just a recipe for disaster. Plus, there was no way she could have my work email password as there was legally-confidential information being shared. If you have a good marriage and you trust someone, then you should trust that they are being open and honest with you without needing to fork-over their passwords, "just in case". 2
MJJean Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 (edited) We've interchangeably used each others phones, computers, emails, social media, ATM and credit cards since we were dating. Whatever device or wallet is in reach, one of us will just grab it if we need it. Edited December 9, 2016 by MJJean 2
carhill Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 This question is for already married people to answer. Thank you. To give both sides of the equation, yeah, as 'passwords' came into being as the internet developed, my exW and I shared them. I can't say for sure that she shared all of hers since I can't read her mind but I do know she had all of mine, including those into my investments, retirement, etc. Now, when we split up and got divorced, we changed the vast number of them but I'll bet ran across a few that we missed, I know I did of hers, and nothing adverse ever happened. That was our style. Heck, I accidently signed into her Amazon account by mistake a few years later because the PW was saved on my computer and she had never changed it. No biggie, logged out and got into my account. That's how things went. When you're married, you're partners. Sure, if things go sideways, reconsider complete transparency but IMO don't go into it that way or just don't get married and keep everything separate. If both partners are fine with everything being discrete and opaque, that can work for them. I'd never be. I'd rather be single than invest in that dynamic as a legally binding option. YMMV.
RecentChange Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We've interchangeably used each others phones, computers, emails, social media, ATM and credit cards since we were dating. Whatever device or wallet is in reach, one of us will just grab it if we need it. This is exactly how we operate as well.
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We have them. But don't feel like it offers any particular protection. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We have them. But don't feel like it offers any particular protection. I was going to make the same point. I'm assuming you're asking this question with regards to sneaking around and transparency in relationships. All I have to say to this is that if someone wants to behave inappropriately, they will will always find a way. It's not like the internet gives people a cap on how many emails or phone numbers or accounts they can have. Hate to be a Debbie Downer but just because you have your partner's passwords doesn't really mean a whole bunch in the grand scheme of things. 4
mikeylo Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We don't. How difficult is it to make another email address which the spouse doesn't know and use it for any shady behavior? How is it helpful to share passwords of emails , I don't understand. 1
aileD Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We don't. How difficult is it to make another email address which the spouse doesn't know and use it for any shady behavior? How is it helpful to share passwords of emails , I don't understand. H did this during his affair. And he'd link it to OW phone # so if I tried to get it or change the pw it would go to her phone
LargoLagg Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 I don't share passwords to anything. My wife gives them to the kids when she can't be bothered to log in for them, and then I have to change the passwords again, so I just won't do it anymore. You're spot on mikeylo. You can create any number of accounts and check them at work or even at home with a private browser page. You can find out if that's happening with keystroke loggers.
road Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 No secrets between spouses. Even my kids know my passwords. A wise man will never put down in writing anything that would embarrass them. 4
Mr. Lucky Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Hate to be a Debbie Downer but just because you have your partner's passwords doesn't really mean a whole bunch in the grand scheme of things. Certainly agree. But, on the other side of the coin, don't you think a refusal to share passwords also has meaning? Other than work-related requirements, why would you shut your spouse out of that part of your life? Mr. Lucky 3
BoaConstrictor Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 Certainly agree. But, on the other side of the coin, don't you think a refusal to share passwords also has meaning? Other than work-related requirements, why would you shut your spouse out of that part of your life? Mr. Lucky Because sometimes I share things with my girlfriends that I wouldn't share with my husband. Sometimes it's about our relationship, sometimes it's just stuff that women share with each other. I don't think just because I married that I should have to be an open book with my husband. He knows more about me than anyone else in the world, but that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't want to vent or share with someone else. I have an online therapist. At least I hope that no one on here would dare to suggest that my husband should have my password to my therapy sessions. In that sense, I consider conversations with certain friends via e-mail or text to be a therapy of sorts. 1
basil67 Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We've interchangeably used each others phones, computers, emails, social media, ATM and credit cards since we were dating. Whatever device or wallet is in reach, one of us will just grab it if we need it. We do this too. Sometimes he will call me and ask to look up and email in his inbox. Or vice versa. Our emails aren't password protected anyway. And there was the time when the wireless printer wouldn't connect to my PC, so I'd scan it to his PC then use his email to send the image to myself. I'm sure he's told me the password to his mobile phone, but I can't remember it. While it would be easy for us to read each other's personal communication, I trust that he won't do it. I'd feel very violated if he was looking through my emails or texts etc.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 In that sense, I consider conversations with certain friends via e-mail or text to be a therapy of sorts. Different strokes. To me a whole web of secret communication is a slippery slope, the "anti-marriage". My wife and I share a life including those things hard for each of us to hear. I'd be frustrated, for lack of a better word, to find she had an ongoing need for conversations with friends about our relationship she didn't want to share with me. I get therapy is different... Mr. Lucky 5
Noirek Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 We always shared and adopted each others and hybrid them. We also have a master list. I still had an affair. During my PA and before it turned PA we texted during the day when my husband was at work. I deleted them always. Otherwise we used the chat function on an online game we both played. We still share. We are open with each other. If I am having a private convo with someone I'm not worried because my H doesn't read my phone or emails. I have no need to lock him out of anything (except our stupid shared amazon account. Seriously, no matter how hard I try to cover my tracks he still sees his christmas gift!) I don't have social media so sometimes I creep his FB too. He teases me about it but I just get curious about the outside world from time to time.
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