ph09 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Hi everyone, This is my first thread on this page. I guess I needed to type this out in hopes that it could help me to somehow move on from what had ended 4 months ago. The relationship (if you can even call it that) only lasted two months. Oh, don't worry, I know I am being dramatic and that it shouldn't last this long for something that wasn't even that deep to begin with. The fact is, I don't know and can't understand why neither..and I'm angry, angry at myself for letting someone who I had only known for 2 months have this much effect on me. I met this guy from a dating application...which I stopped using for a month already since we exchanged numbers. For some reason he messaged me a month after that asking if I wanted to go get dinner. I have always been quite carful because I have had bad experience with men in general. Somehow I also think that it comes from me...at least partially. We met every week and did a lot of activities together every week, he seems to be very attentive when we are together but somehow I feel as if he doesn't really have a connection to me when we are not together. A lot of the times he will just talk about himself and not even show interest about my day. I have asked him casually before "Do you see this as potentially being something serious? or are you just looking for something casual" He said that he could see this being something if we give it time. He also said that he's scared that if he falls in love with me, I would break his heart. A bit ironic isn't it considering I am writing a terrible written essay on Love shack four months after.... He would say stuff like I would love to have a kid with you someday or we should go on vacation together...but its seems like it was so easy for himt o just cut me off in the end....Why did he cut me off?..well, this is what I have been beating myself over. I think I scared him away. It was after a while that I feel like his attention became elsewhere..there was no evidence of course and it could all be me imagining things..but let's say my gut feeling said that something was off. One morning, I asked him.."Don't you think it is a little weird we don't have each other on social media at all?" this was after dating for 2 months. He looked at me and said "Really? you don't have me on Facebook?"......As if he didn't know that. He then told me to add him on facebook before we parted...I kind of didn't because it seemed a little odd...he never added me neither. IT was just very short text for a few days after that. I called him..I was nervous..I seriously didn't even sound right...I said stuff that is pretty confusing and all he got from what I stuttered on the phone was that.."So your not happy because I don't ask about your day?" He generally just seemed really off on the phone. I told him I would text him because I am not really good at talking about these kind of things clearly...I did texted him, it did sound like an ultimatum even though I didn't meant for it to be. I just said to him that I don't want things to be just friend with benefits. He texted me back this noon the next day: "I thought about this last night. You are a very beautiful and nice woman and I enjoyed our time together. It seems like your insecurities are triggered by my personality and my personality is not going to change. So I agree, Let's just move on. I can try to change but I think the problem is deeper than that in the end. No harm done, wish you all the best.[signed name]" Yes...he even signed his frickin' name...Me, being such a stupid girl that I am texted back saying: "It is not my intention to end things, Should we meet up in person to talk about it rather than ending it like this?" Silence....until now....he never replied back to me. I didn't text him after that. I don't chase people but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I did see he liked on of my instagram picture [which we are not friends, we are never connected on social media]. So he searched for me, scrolled down and liked one of my older picture....what does that even mean...? This was two months ago though. I know I won't be hearing from him again...I just can't seem to shake this idea...if I wasn't such an insecure person..things would probably have been different. I don't really know what my question is...I guess I just want to know people's out put on the story...I can't keep talking to this to my friends, I would be bored of it too..Better yet, anyone has a tip on getting better or removing a face from your brin would be ideal.. Thank you for reading this far.. and tolerating the pain of my awful writing..
ainoviere Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 ph09 I’m sorry to hear that even after four months you are still thinking about this relationship. It does seem that being with him brought out your anxiety and insecurity. It shouldn’t be this hard – with the right person you should be happy and free to express your feelings, like ask for more attention without being nervous about it, just add him on facebook because you want to etc. You shouldn’t be scared to be who you are and express how you feel. If you are this anxious and insecure with all men then maybe there are issues with yourself you could consider working on (and until these are sorted you will always experience the same pattern). However if it was just with this guy then I would say he’s right that he’s not the guy for you. This case really does seem like a compatibility issue – you seem like the type who needs attention and assurance and he is unlikely to ever give you the assurance and attention you require. No one is right or wrong, you are who you are and he is who he is. Also, if you are correct in that you scared him away over this issue, how do you expect him to handle you in the long run? In time this pain will pass and you will accept that the powers are be are actually saving you from any more prolonged pain with being with the wrong one. All the best.
kel224 Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 I once dated a girl for just around a month. It was full of passion and things moved quickly. This was the first person I felt fireworks go off with, and I was ready to say "I love you" to a girl for the first time (turns out I was just infatuated!). At the time, I was pretty naive and didn't realize I was just her rebound/backup guy. She was in a 2 year relationship (unknown to me) when we first hooked up, and she ended up leaving that guy for me. But then I graduated college a few weeks later and moved 8 hours away. This chick suddenly pulled the plug and cut me off cold to go back to her ex. Needless to say, I got burned pretty badly by it. It took me waaayyyy longer to get over than I thought it should. This was over 6 years ago, and today I look back and realize how much energy I wasted on hurting so much. Don't be too hard on yourself for how you're feeling. Your emotions are valid, and you can learn a lot from them. I can't really give too much insight on what happened based on the information you've given, which I'm sure sucks. But at this point, you need to accept that you can't know exactly what this guy was thinking or feeling. And really, you don't need to know. My best advice is to do whatever you can to try and take your mind off of this. Exercise. Pick up some new hobbies. Do anything that will distract you. Hang out with friends and family, and just be in the moment with them. There is simply no other option than to understand that you'll be fine, and that these feeling you have are temporary. Try to learn as much as you can from this. If you feel like you have insecurities (who doesn't?) then take a good look at yourself and try to understand why. Then accept them for what they are and understand that they're there. Anytime you're feeling heartbroken is an opportunity to grow as a person and be more awesome for your next relationship. There will be a next relationship for you, and it'll make you forget about this guy and what happened.
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