Will he be back, what do i do

[likegreenlover]

I apologize if my story is too long, but here it goes. I was with my ex for nearly four years (3yrs 10 months), we had an amazing relationship. Very loving and affectionate, we were each others best friends. We texted daily , called eachother morning and night, and saw eachother 3-4 times a week and would take turns sleeping over 2 nights a week at eachothers homes. He's newly 21 i'm nearly 20 (2 months to go). A month before the break up i noticed he was going out and drinking at bars with friends more and more often, no biggie. We trust eachother completely and both make time to see friends as often as we can. So i noticed that he was going out more and was somewhat choosing going out over me in a sense. Maybe i was just used to seeing him so often that it felt that way but it was becoming more and more often and making me feel a little unwanted in a way. I didn't see this at first, but looking back we had been fighting more than usual. I was annoyed with him and didn't communicate properly. They weren't nasty fights just little arguements and honestly i was being naggy and rude to him.

 

Fast forward about two weeks and i'm supposed to see him on a Friday night, i'm at home getting ready and waiting for him to get off work. He texted me saying he was working late and didn't know when he'd be off. (typical for his job). I waited a few hours and he kept saying the same thing. I had a gut feeling and tracked his phone (bug mistake i know) and found that he was at a buddy's house drinking. I was furious and told him off, i then made a hugeeee mistake. I was upset soci told his mother (we both live with our parents) where he was because i know she would disapprove as he had just gone drinking the night before. I totally admit i did it out of anger and to try and get him in trouble. After that night he completely ignored me for a whole week. We had never gone this long without talking, if we got into a fight before and didn't talk for a day he'd call me crying saying he missed and needed me. After a week i called his phone until he answered, and demanaded that he tell me what was going on. He broke down and told me that we had to break up. He said we're going in different directions , i explained to him that HE always brings up getting married later down the road with me, he always planned out future together and we both know we do want the same things, he just kept repeating that we're going in different directions and have too much tension. Looking back, the day before this friday night fight, i was at his house and he was going to go out and i was upset about it and his parents didn't want him to go because it was a weeknight and he got mad and told us both we can't control him. So yeah i'm sure he's super mad at me for being too involved and controlling . I'm usually not this way AT ALL but something about that week had me feeling scared.

 

After that 15 minute tear filled phone call i waited 25 day s of No contact, texted him saying i'm sorry for my mistakes and that i love and miss him and hope he's doug well. He never replied. It's now officially been one ful month since he broke it off. I'm so confused and hurt. I know i made a huge mistake and i'm very sorry and after taking this time apart i can see my mistakes and have learned a lot. I've been able to learn from this. He still has in a relationship on facebook, my family make up more than half of his friend list, and he still has all our pics up. I know he uses face book daily. I'm just wondering if anyone thinks there's still hope for us? He told me he still loves me and always will when he ended things. I just feel like the reasons he left are so easy to fix. I love him so much. He is ignoring me and that hurts soooooo bad. I'm thinking he's mad at me and is enjoying going out and being 21 right now, but my family and friends and myself know that he is a hugeee family guy. He loves being around family and the party scene just isn't him. Does anyone think there's hope he'll come back? I don't wana text him again since he never replied but i just feel like this is not right, this isn't how our story ends. I'm ready to let go of the teenage relationship and start treating him as an adult. I've learned a lot and have reflected and i feel that if he knew this we could easily fix things as they seem so small now. I see now that we both made mistakes but i have so much hope in us and so does my family and his. I'm soooo close to his family and they all tell me he'll be back , that he's acting like a fool right now. My gut tells me he'll be back, but the fact that's it's been a month of no contact and that he never returned my text makes me so confused and it's eating away at me all day wondering and wondering .

 

Any advice is totally appreciated but please i don't wan ahear that i'm too young to be in such a serious relationship, everyone is different and many people in my family married their high school sweethearts�� Both our families are very close to eachother and so involved. His own parents are high school sweethearts . Everyone thinks we'll end up together forever and i just wana know if anyone has an opinion on this

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he was angry when he ended it, and you were completely out of line tattling to his mother, but I also think that wasn't the only reason. If you'd noticed he'd been going out more and was in fact choosing to do so over seeing you - and also lying about his whereabouts - then he was already checking out of the relationship.

 

You don't want to hear that he's too young, but OP, you need to face reality. Most 21-year-olds aren't ready to settle down, especially if he's only really ever been with you. As hard as it is, you cannot place your hopes on the fact that your parents were highschool sweethearts who married. That is lovely, but it's rare these days. He might return someday, but it would probably only happen after a lot of time has passed and he's had the chance to explore, if you catch my drift. Be careful not to wait around, not to monitor his online activity, and not to speak to his family about this. Only your ex knows what he is truly feeling and his actions are speaking very loudly and clearly right now.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself now is take this time to reflect and carve out your own future. Ask yourself if you'd really want to be with a guy who is dishonest with you, all for the benefit of going out drinking and partying. A guy who fantasizes about the future yet suddenly cuts you off, rather than addressing the issues like an adult. (Hint: he didn't want to address those issues)

 

I feel your pain; many of us have been in your shoes. The only approach that you can really take now is to work on being kind and patient with yourself while you recover. Get to know yourself again in the context of a single young woman with the world at her fingertips.

[Redhead14]

I apologize if my story is too long, but here it goes. I was with my ex for nearly four years (3yrs 10 months), we had an amazing relationship. Very loving and affectionate, we were each others best friends. We texted daily , called eachother morning and night, and saw eachother 3-4 times a week and would take turns sleeping over 2 nights a week at eachothers homes. He's newly 21 i'm nearly 20 (2 months to go). A month before the break up i noticed he was going out and drinking at bars with friends more and more often, no biggie. We trust eachother completely and both make time to see friends as often as we can. So i noticed that he was going out more and was somewhat choosing going out over me in a sense. Maybe i was just used to seeing him so often that it felt that way but it was becoming more and more often and making me feel a little unwanted in a way. I didn't see this at first, but looking back we had been fighting more than usual. I was annoyed with him and didn't communicate properly. They weren't nasty fights just little arguements and honestly i was being naggy and rude to him.

 

Fast forward about two weeks and i'm supposed to see him on a Friday night, i'm at home getting ready and waiting for him to get off work. He texted me saying he was working late and didn't know when he'd be off. (typical for his job). I waited a few hours and he kept saying the same thing. I had a gut feeling and tracked his phone (bug mistake i know) and found that he was at a buddy's house drinking. I was furious and told him off, i then made a hugeeee mistake. I was upset soci told his mother (we both live with our parents) where he was because i know she would disapprove as he had just gone drinking the night before. I totally admit i did it out of anger and to try and get him in trouble. After that night he completely ignored me for a whole week. We had never gone this long without talking, if we got into a fight before and didn't talk for a day he'd call me crying saying he missed and needed me. After a week i called his phone until he answered, and demanaded that he tell me what was going on. He broke down and told me that we had to break up. He said we're going in different directions , i explained to him that HE always brings up getting married later down the road with me, he always planned out future together and we both know we do want the same things, he just kept repeating that we're going in different directions and have too much tension. Looking back, the day before this friday night fight, i was at his house and he was going to go out and i was upset about it and his parents didn't want him to go because it was a weeknight and he got mad and told us both we can't control him. So yeah i'm sure he's super mad at me for being too involved and controlling . I'm usually not this way AT ALL but something about that week had me feeling scared.

 

After that 15 minute tear filled phone call i waited 25 day s of No contact, texted him saying i'm sorry for my mistakes and that i love and miss him and hope he's doug well. He never replied. It's now officially been one ful month since he broke it off. I'm so confused and hurt. I know i made a huge mistake and i'm very sorry and after taking this time apart i can see my mistakes and have learned a lot. I've been able to learn from this. He still has in a relationship on facebook, my family make up more than half of his friend list, and he still has all our pics up. I know he uses face book daily. I'm just wondering if anyone thinks there's still hope for us? He told me he still loves me and always will when he ended things. I just feel like the reasons he left are so easy to fix. I love him so much. He is ignoring me and that hurts soooooo bad. I'm thinking he's mad at me and is enjoying going out and being 21 right now, but my family and friends and myself know that he is a hugeee family guy. He loves being around family and the party scene just isn't him. Does anyone think there's hope he'll come back? I don't wana text him again since he never replied but i just feel like this is not right, this isn't how our story ends. I'm ready to let go of the teenage relationship and start treating him as an adult. I've learned a lot and have reflected and i feel that if he knew this we could easily fix things as they seem so small now. I see now that we both made mistakes but i have so much hope in us and so does my family and his. I'm soooo close to his family and they all tell me he'll be back , that he's acting like a fool right now. My gut tells me he'll be back, but the fact that's it's been a month of no contact and that he never returned my text makes me so confused and it's eating away at me all day wondering and wondering .

 

Any advice is totally appreciated but please i don't wan ahear that i'm too young to be in such a serious relationship, everyone is different and many people in my family married their high school sweethearts�� Both our families are very close to eachother and so involved. His own parents are high school sweethearts . Everyone thinks we'll end up together forever and i just wana know if anyone has an opinion on this

 

 

You cannot, nor should you try to force someone to be with you. The more you pull on them, the more they will pull away.

 

Take this time of no contact to reflect and think about your needs and whether or not he was meeting them. The answer is No. He is a very young man and wants freedom to do what he wants to do without answering to anyone or being tied down. That is normal at his age. You should be thinking that way too. You are very young. You don't need to "settle" down with one guy right now. You need to explore your options and date other men to see what they have to offer you and discover what does and doesn't work for you in terms of having a man in your life.

 

This guy doesn't/can't meet your needs. You having to track him down and monitor him only puts you in the role of a "mother". You don't need a parent-child relationship.

 

Focus on YOU and your needs. Go out an have a good time with friends and family. Explore life. Be free. Enjoy. Date lots of guys, don't be intimate too soon and evaluate each guy. Figure out what it is you want out of life. A woman doesn't need a man to make her happy. Having a man in your life should add to/enhance the happiness she already has. Any man who takes away from that happiness or makes you unhappy on a regular basis, is out the door.

[kel224]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I can relate, different stories but heartbreak is heartbreak. I can't speak much to what was going on through your head or why exactly the relationship has ended.

 

A lot of times when people say that you're both headed in different directions or want different things in life, they're really saying that their heart isn't in it anymore and they no longer want to be in a relationship with you. I know it sucks in a major way. My ex-gf said the same thing to me when she left me (for another dude...) back in October. I kept sobbing and saying "we want the same things!" because every time we discussed the future, we did want the same things. What I realize now is that she just wasn't happy anymore and probably fell out of love a while ago but didn't have the balls to breakup with me until she met someone else she could hop straight onto.

 

My ex also told me the same stuff that she'd always love me no matter what, and that she will never love anyone else as much as me. Seriously, they all say that. Like you, we were together over 3 years and planned on marriage. Most likely, we will always have a place in our ex's hearts. There's no way he can just forget about you, but it doesn't mean he'll come back to you in the way you want. You say in your gut you feel like he will. I have that same feeling, even after what she did to me. But you can't read too much into that feeling because that's all it is. You two dated for a while, so he probably does care about you in some way and may reach out in the future just to see how you're doing. But most likely that's all it will be.

 

So what to do now? No contact is the best. I'm sure you've made it clear to him that you want him back, so there's nothing more that needs to be said. He knows how to find you if he has a change of heart. Stick to no contact with the goal of healing. YOU WILL HEAL, I promise you. This is time for you to be there for yourself and to grow and learn about yourself as much as you can. Heartbreak=golden opportunity to become more awesome than ever. Everyone says this, but its true-get more fit, read books, take up new hobbies, bird watch or do whatever you can other than sitting and stewing in it all.

 

My heart still wants my ex to come back to me now or in the future. There's no magic to getting over that except for time, but you need to keep in your brain the fact that it's not likely and remind yourself that over and over and over. The beauty of no contact is that it will heal you over time, and you'll eventually see that you're better off without him. And you'll grow as a person. You'll become wiser, more interesting and more attractive. New guys will come into your life, and someone even better than your ex will fancy you. After this process of healing and growing is done, your ex might fancy you again too. But by then, you'll have the strength to not care if he does or not. I promise you.

 

My ex, who I now refer to now as crazy-cat lady, told me one thing that I like to remind myself. She said "the future is crazy" after I told her I wanted her back. She was right-the future is absolutely crazy and anything can happen. Odds are not good that we'll get them back, but there is a 100% chance that we'll fall in love with someone again that will make our hearts explode with happiness and love. The sooner you accept this, the sooner it will happen.