RoboticMonkey Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Hi all, I'm new, so please forgive any inadvertent gaffes I might make. My wonderful boyfriend of over a year has asked me to move in with him. I'm excited about doing so, but I have one condition I'd like to ask of him. Back story: He has 4 cats. I love them all and get along well with each of them, so no problems there. He lives in a 3-bedroom house, and the cats currently have the run of the whole house. He props open the doors to all 3 bedrooms so that the cats don't accidentally get stuck in them. My question is this: would it be unreasonable to ask if we could have one spare bedroom as a "cat-free" zone? I'd feel better about this for a number of reasons, the most important being that I have a lot of arts and crafts supplies that would present hazards to the cats' health in the form of ingestion/swallowing danger (i.e. yarn/thread, glue/paint/other chemicals, etc.). I know these items are in closed storage containers, but I'd just feel better if I knew that they were in a closed-off space to which the cats had no access. Also (and these are more selfish reasons), I'd like to have one room where I could safely display some fragile family heirlooms without fear of them being knocked over or broken, and have one space where the cat hair wouldn't be quite SO ubiquitous. I wouldn't consider myself a "cat person" and have never really been around cats, so the cat hair shedding did take some getting used to when BF and I first started dating. He does a really good job of cleaning up after them and keeping the hair under control, and I pitch in when I'm there, so that's not the issue. I just wanted to hear whether or not I'm being unreasonably selfish or too demanding with my "one cat-free room" request before I broached the subject with him. I love him and his cats very much and look forward to our time together. Thank you so much for taking the time to read!
central Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I think it is entirely reasonable to request a room for your things, where they can be kept and displayed safely. In your situation, I wouldn't move in without such an agreement. I'm allergic to cats, but really like them - they also like me! lol When my wife and I moved in together, we kept our bedroom closed and cat-free, and thoroughly cleaned and covered a sofa where I could sit and avoid my allergies being triggered. Aluminum foil deterred them from jumping up on it, and a sheet helped protect it as well. Of course, the cats inevitably ended up on my lap when I was sitting there, so that sofa needed frequent vacuuming, too. At least the bedroom was always a safe retreat.
carhill Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Put a spring loaded hinge, like FHA/code requires for garage doors into living spaces, on the door. One should do for a light interior door. That way it always closes. I don't see any issue with your request. It's a minor one in the scheme of things. I'm a cat fancier and would have the room set up and cleaned before you arrived. Easy. 1
PegNosePete Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 It's a totally reasonable request, but good luck implementing it! The more you deny a cat something, the more they want it. As soon as they notice that you keep closing the door to keep them out, they will think there's something good / tasty / fun in there, and will try to get in at every opportunity! 2
carhill Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Good point. Cats are curious. At home, since I did keep rooms off-limits, mainly due to fragile/sensitive items, I installed a lexan shield on the door after observing how the cat sought to get in, to protect the door's finish. I didn't use springs because it was just me and the doors were closed most of the time anyway. That worked with my two cats, one inside-outside and the other totally indoors. They still had plenty of spaces to explore.
central Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 A spring hinge is a good idea. If he's still worried a cat will get trapped inside, install a cat door in the room door, with a one-way switch - they can always get out, but not get in that way.
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 A spring loaded hinged door would be dangerous for cats. Doors in general can be a danger to cats, hence why the bf has his doors all wedged open. 1
carhill Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Yes, there are solid lexan/poly cat doors which can have swing in one direction locked out. What remains is how much effort the person wishes to make in setting things up. Most folks probably like simple. Myself, if I was doing it in a place I was going to sell, or if renting, it would only be for a wife (I don't live with people outside marriage) and I'd pull the old door off and save it and hang a slab door with the modifications rather than cutting up a door which can't be replaced architecturally. If I was going to die there, like where I'm living at the moment, who cares? Cats rule. If I were the OP and moving in with someone with these requests, I'd put some options on the table and be willing to perform/pay for them or at least share the work and/or cost. Team effort.
Birdies Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 I'm a total cat lady (3 cats in a small 2 bedroom house), and in your bf's shoes, I'd be fine with this request. Living together is all about compromise. The cats don't need run of the WHOLE house. PP has a point about how the cats will want into that room more than anywhere else in the whole house though, lol. Gotta love em. 1
elaine567 Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 PP has a point about how the cats will want into that room more than anywhere else in the whole house though, lol. Gotta love em. Agreed. Some cats will take it in their stride and not care, and others will yowl at the door incessantly or ruin the floor/wall coverings in order to make their displeasure felt. Cats are very territorial and if the chosen room is an inherent part of one cat's territory then it may cause mayhem in the household until they all learn to live with the new arrangement.
OrangeParty Posted December 10, 2016 Posted December 10, 2016 Cat person here too. As a "not cat person", you have been very accommodating and respectful to him and his love for cats, so if I were him, I would absolutely do it for you. Nothing about your requests is selfish or unreasonable. 1
veggirl Posted December 10, 2016 Posted December 10, 2016 I think it's an okay request and I'm a HUGE cat lover. Our office is pretty much cat free, but I guess by default...my fiance is usually in there and the cats want to be around ME and our master bedroom the most. I would pick the room that they naturally hang out in the least...like if my fiance wanted the office to be 100% cat free, I'd be fine with that, but if he suggested the master bedroom (where they sleep all the time), I'd say HELL NO. There are 2 other bedrooms plus common living area for your bf's cats...that's a good amount of space for them.
Author RoboticMonkey Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Thank you all very much for your input! I appreciate your suggestions and insights. Glad to know I'm not being unreasonably selfish for asking for a cat-free room. I also came to the realization that "supervised visits" would be fine as long as I'm in the room at the same time the cats are so as to make sure they don't get hurt or break anything while they're there. I'd just rather they didn't have access to the room while I'm not there to keep an eye on everyone, so to speak. I discussed it with my boyfriend last weekend, and he was totally on board with the idea. The conversation went really well. I think I was making a bigger deal out of the issue in my mind than it was in reality. We decided to designate the larger of the two spare bedrooms as the cat-free zone. I'll move my bedroom furniture in there, so it will be our guest room as well as a hobby room for me. Fortunately this seems to be the room the cats hang out in the least. They spend most of their time in the living area where the couch, armchair, cat tree, TV, and bay windows are (and where the humans mostly are when they're home). It's adjacent to the kitchen (where their food and water bowls are) and the laundry room (where the litterboxes are). If they're not in the living area, they're either on or under the master bed. Sometimes one or two of them will hang out in the smaller spare room, which we plan on converting to an office. BF has put a windowsill seat in there, but only one of them really uses it. I feel like they'll still have plenty of space to roam around and hang out. I know some posters had expressed concern that if we closed off one room, the cats would want to get into that particular room more than anything. While that was initially a concern for me too, we had that same room closed off a couple of weekends ago when we had overnight company, and the cats totally ignored it. Go figure! That's not to say they'll continue to ignore it, especially after lots of new, interesting, unexplored stuff is moved into it, but I think it's a good sign that it didn't cause total upheaval. I was never allowed to have pets as a child and was never really around animals that much, so it took me a while to adjust to being around BF's cats. They're all really sweet and mellow. I've gotten really fond of them, and they all seem to like me too (if greeting me at the door and jumping in my lap for pets whenever I sit down is any indication!), so it all worked out in the end. Also, thank goodness I'm not allergic! Thanks again for your help, everybody!
preraph Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 It's not unreasonable, but you need to be sure he respects your allergic condition and doesn't just let them in there out of spite. I say this because my sibling always chose to believe my allergy didn't matter and would never have respected any arrangement like that. But you must know that the cat hair will get into the very vents of your house and blow allergens all over the house. Having a hair-free room, saliva-free room will help but won't eliminate it if your allergy is strong. Why not put off moving in and go have allergy shots the next couple of years before making a life together? And also, be sure you've tried the latest things like NasaCort combined with ceterizine taken orally to see if any combo works for you.
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