impasse Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 In July I went on a first date with a guy and it went well, went on a second date and we had sex. He called the next morning but after that wasn't heard from again. Until now... He texted me last week and I had deleted the number so I didn't know who it was and didn't bother responding. A couple days later he texted again basically apologizing for not getting back to me. I'm 32 with 6 kids, he's 39 with 4. He said he was unsure of how that would work (potentially 10 kids) and it scared him off. He said he had a good time and I kept popping up in his head, he wants to give it another try. I was skeptical but we went on a date over the weekend. It went well and he didn't initiate sex at all, he said didn't want me to think he was just out for sex. He wants to go out again when we both have time. Stupid or no? My guard is definitely up.
strawberryshortstack Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 In July I went on a first date with a guy and it went well, went on a second date and we had sex. He called the next morning but after that wasn't heard from again. Until now... He texted me last week and I had deleted the number so I didn't know who it was and didn't bother responding. A couple days later he texted again basically apologizing for not getting back to me. I'm 32 with 6 kids, he's 39 with 4. He said he was unsure of how that would work (potentially 10 kids) and it scared him off. He said he had a good time and I kept popping up in his head, he wants to give it another try. I was skeptical but we went on a date over the weekend. It went well and he didn't initiate sex at all, he said didn't want me to think he was just out for sex. He wants to go out again when we both have time. Stupid or no? My guard is definitely up. I would be cautious, but it couldn't hurt to try. His reason was plausible. 3
Sara1989 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 The cynic in me is saying he only came back because he is having trouble finding anyone else... But if your happy then give it another go but be ready to kick him to the curb for good if he fades again. 3
Arieswoman Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 impasse, I am a bit unsure about this... If he was scared about the 10 kids issue then why didn't he say that instead of just going AWOL ? You could try another date with him (but keep sex off the table) and see how things go. Let him chase you. Also you need to tell him how you feel about his "ghosting" and that if he let's you down again then you're done. Keep us posted. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Meh, I wouldn't bother seeing him any more. He showed you he can't communicate, and prefers to leave you hanging in the dust. For months. Why did come back now? I would ask him, though he probably won't be totally honest. You still have a combined 10 children, so obviously there is more to it. 2
TheTraveler Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 He was looking for someone better than you and after multiple months of striking out... Hey, what about that girl from summer? What is she doing? She's ok even though I really don't dig her, but hey it's better than nothing. That's you OP 5
ElizabethIII Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I just went out again with someone who ghosted me in August with an totally implausible excuse. It was a nice enough evening. He has been texting me since but not much at all. I think I may decline another meeting. With you and me, it does sound like they wanted to keep looking and couldnt find another so they thought of us again. 2
Popsicle Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I wouldn't entertain him again unless I couldn't find another guy just as attractive as him.
phineas Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 The cynic in me is saying he only came back because he is having trouble finding anyone else... But if your happy then give it another go but be ready to kick him to the curb for good if he fades again. this the reason most people come back. when a ghoster returns from the dead i will give them a second chance if they acknowledge they ghosted after i call them out on it, apologize, then come over to my place for drinks. if they don't want to do that then they really are not interested. they are just bored. 2
Miss Peach Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I wouldn't just because I can't stand men who don't have the integrity to not ghost - especially after sex. If he had been straight up initially and then come back then maybe. But he's already shown you he's not a standup guy so I would turn him down. That's a possibility he's being honest but I agree it could also be he's gone through his other options. 5
Mrin Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 As a guy who ghosted some women in the past (only first or second date type ghosting), I never considered circling back around except if I was looking for a booty call or something. First or second date type ghosting when it comes to OLD isn't really ghosting in my book. It is just that I wasn't interested in another date. 1
jen1447 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Do you give a second chance after ghosting? Hell no, I wouldn't. If you do you'd at least better be prepared for him to pull the exact same crap at some point. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I wouldn't just because I can't stand men who don't have the integrity to not ghost - especially after sex. If he had been straight up initially and then come back then maybe. But he's already shown you he's not a standup guy so I would turn him down. That's a possibility he's being honest but I agree it could also be he's gone through his other options. This is my personal take on it as well. Whenever someone circles back to you, it's pretty likely because they've done the rounds and you're now the winner of the losers :/ I would never tolerate that kind of disrespect. 5
Methodical Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 He didn't question the logistics until after having sex...um, no. You've already gone on a date since the ghosting incident and according to you it went well. Sounds like you are inclined to see him again but want some form of validation. Your guard is up, so if he retreats again, don't be surprised. 2
Author impasse Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 Right, I don't even know why I am entertaining the idea of seeing him again. His reason was justified, but the way he went about it wasn't. He could have just texted or called and said he wasn't interested rather than leaving me wondering. When we went out this last time, he was sweet and kind. He apologized for it and seemed sincere. I liked that he didn't even put sex on the table. If we do go out again, I'm not having sex right away. I didn't tell him that, but he said let me prove myself to you. We don't have a lot of time to date, about 4 days a month. I don't want to be the chick on the side. But yet, I'm thinking about seeing him again. With my guard up and not expecting anything. I don't know why I'm so inclined to see him again. I just have this really strong feeling and urge to. And feel like I'll regret if if I don't try.
LucaChickaD Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 No. He never had high interest in the first place which is why he ghosted and if you continue to date him you're just going to enter into a situation where he's Not That Into You
bachdude Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 (edited) If he had ghosted after just one or two dates, then maybe it isn't such a big deal. But sleep with you? And disappear? Why reward his selfish behavior? You're only creating a monster. Edited December 8, 2016 by bachdude 7
olivetree Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I don't know why I'm so inclined to see him again. I just have this really strong feeling and urge to. And feel like I'll regret if if I don't try. The urge you feel may be loneliness. Don't settle. He didn't have the decency to communicate with you the first time. And look at his timing. He may just be looking for a warm body to cozy up to for the holidays. Considering you only had 2 dates before, it's not like you built up an awesome connection that he is missing. 2
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 There's an exception to every rule, however, if he ghosted you, then probably not. 1
jen1447 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Like it or not we all send non-verbal messages thru our actions, and the message you're sending by letting him back in, guarded or not, is that ultimately you'll tolerate that behavior. It's not a fluke or a 'mistake' when ppl do stuff like that, it's a character trait. A mistake is forgetting your birthday, a character trait is deliberately and knowingly deciding to mistreat you over the long haul. 9
kidm Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 This doesn't sound promising. No excuse will make me take someone back who disappeared after sex. You still have 6 kids right? so what's different? Sounds to me he thought he could do better out there and he didn't so he figured he would circle back and try his luck with you. The fact that he didn't initiate sex means nothing. He probably trying to get into your good graces first. Seems cynical but it is highly unlikely that after several months, he had an epiphany and decided you were the one that got away. Tread cautiously. 4
nothingsintheflowerz Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 You could, but I'd have low expectations.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Like it or not we all send non-verbal messages thru our actions, and the message you're sending by letting him back in, guarded or not, is that ultimately you'll tolerate that behavior. It's not a fluke or a 'mistake' when ppl do stuff like that, it's a character trait. A mistake is forgetting your birthday, a character trait is deliberately and knowingly deciding to mistreat you over the long haul. **drops the mic** 2
Author impasse Posted December 9, 2016 Author Posted December 9, 2016 Yeah, that's what I thought. He was nice (well not nice to ghost), quite attractive and we had a good time. I don't want to let him know it's okay to do that again. If he does do it again, which seems likely, there would be no one to blame but myself.
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